Mind over matter (or something)
Mar 14, 2008 Writing, work work work
Because Julia decided I was worth $10.46 (the cost of the book plus shipping), I’m reading The Tipping Point and loving it even though I’m years late to the party. (Soc major interested in marketing and social relationships, yeah it’s my kind of book.)
Julia wanted me to read it because sometimes it feels like I’m spinning my wheels — doing lots of little things to try to get myself to the next place career-wise in both my marketing career (i.e., $$$) and my artistic career (i.e., bigger opportunities). She wanted me to see that every little thing you do makes a difference and any of those little things could take my career(s) past the tipping point.
I am loving this book. And I’m also trying to see how the things I’m bringing to the table help me and what I can do to help myself more.
I keep running up against my introversion. See, I think I might be a connector because I know a lot of people (although a lot of you are virtual; I’m just building my in real life rolodex) and I love to fix people up. I mean I LOVE it. I love helping my friends become friends with my other friends; I love helping people find someone who can answer their questions; I love saying, “I know who can help you with that” and then handing them an email/phone number. BUT these things also totally deplete me.
I know so much of getting along in the world is attitude but I also know that when I’m depleted I feel sad and hopeless. Given that I need alone time to recharge and given that I need MORE alone time if I’m spending time around people and given that I don’t get a lot of alone time because I have kids (being with Brett, as I’ve said, is as comforting as being alone), I want to figure out other ways to self-care. (Right now I’m relying way too much on caffeine and Cadbury eggs, which is not doing myself any favors, lemme tell you.)
I’m trying to do more self-talk like, “It’s ok. It’s not that bad. Breathe in, breathe out.” I’m trying to actively wrench my depleted mind around to feel less overwhelmed. I’m trying not to fret over the Cadbury eggs and caffeine too much. I mean, yes, exercise is good and eating well is good and getting enough sleep is good but at the heart of it is my introverted self trying not to just get by but actually to THRIVE in an extroverted world. I want the things I want — success, a good income, more opportunity — and giving in to my weaknesses isn’t going to get them for me. I want to be an active participant in my success instead of just waiting around for the marketing equivalent of Prince Charming.
I had a second interview today for the job I interviewed for last week and I have a playdate this afternoon, then homeschool fair tonight, then Power of the Pen judging tomorrow, then volunteering for the Purim carnival on Sunday, then taking Madison to a raucous play-center birthday party for one of Pennie’s friends Sunday night not to mention lots of work and leaving for Portland at the end of next week and the whole thing makes me want to cry. But I also want to do these things (even though my left eyelid won’t stop twitching). I want to be able to do those things without going insane, which means figuring out how not to go insane when my whole BEING rebels against this much action.
The only thing I can compare it to is how some people loathe public speaking. (Ironically I like public speaking, which seems strange I know but I’m better with a role to play so I’d rather be a featured speaker than be milling around at a dinner party where I don’t know anyone.) That hyperventilating fear that some people have before public speaking is kinda what I have before almost anything that involves meeting new people UNLESS I have a role to play and even then it’s stressful. Now this has gotten better in the past year of aggressive networking. I don’t cry in my car as much before meetings anymore (rarely, actually) and I’m more willing to make dates with people I’ve never met. So that gives me hope that I can get better at this other stuff, too.
Don’t get me wrong — I’m hoping to put in all this time upfront so that I can retreat back into happy aloneness further down the line but I realize a girl has gotta earn her stripes before she has the privilege of happy aloneness, which is why I’m willing to do this stuff. But today — sitting here in my office basement with my left eyelid spasming like mad — I needed to bitch about it a little as a way to cheer myself on. Argh.
March 14th, 2008 at 10:53 am
You don’t know how much I needed to come across this today:
” every little thing you do makes a difference ”
I am so not at my tipping point, nor anywhere close.
March 14th, 2008 at 11:24 am
I’m another introvert who loves public speaking. I feel sick before every social event, but give a lecture? No problem! And I’m with you on the caffeine and Cadbury Eggs too.
March 14th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Wow…I can so relate…even down to feeling as comforted by being next to J. (my hubby) as if I were alone (do you have any idea how rare that is)…I don’t necessarily like public speaking but I can do it but meeting new people and being totally comfortable being social (I put up a good front so most wouldn’t even know it from looking at me) makes me a bit ill….now that I’m older I realize why I would have breakdowns while getting dresses before going somewhere…(besides the fact that the clothes weren’t fitting right!LOL)…is like I needed the tantrum to settle my nerves or something…anyway…keep at it…that is all we can do (fake until we make it right?!LOL then we can crawl in a hole!)
March 14th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
umm…that is “dressed” and not dresses and fake “it”…I really need to re-read comments before I hit the button
March 14th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Actually, I think you are worth a lot more.
Glad you like it!
Signing off from the beach (last day),
Julia
March 14th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
I join the ranks of the introverts who like public speaking — it’s a form of acting, for me.
Nice to hear I’m not the only one who dreads social situations. I do a lot of breathing in and out, repeating “Breathing in I am calm, breathing out I am calm, present moment, wonderful moment.” I know, sounds a lot like “Serenity Now” (Seinfeld), but it comes from Thich Nacht Han and actually helps me.
I may have to give that book a look-see.
March 14th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
“The Tipping Point” is a great book! I loaned my copy to a friend and it seems to have never found its way back to me
I am an introvert with extroverted tendencies. I can handle having a lot of activities going on in my life as long as I get my alone time to recharge. Hence, my twice daily “leave mama alone i’m on the computer” time!
March 16th, 2008 at 6:13 am
I read The Tipping Point a few years ago and loved it. I’m glad you’re enjoying it, to.
March 16th, 2008 at 7:28 am
Thanks for details on the book — I may check it out. I’m two days late, but I hope you were able to get through all this busyness with a minimum of anxiety.
I’m another introvert who likes public speaking. When I was a reporter/columnist, I did quite a lot of it, sometimes before very large groups. I always got a real thrill from it; I usually felt quite euphoric during and after it. I don’t like amusement park rides, but I imagine the sensation must be similar for people who love roller-coasters and upside-down rides.
But I found, interestingly, that I could NOT do radio. You’d think having an unseen audience would be bliss for an introvert, but no. Years ago, I was invited to do a regular spot on Canadian public radio, but after two weeks of it, I had to bow out — one time, we had to redo the taping because I was so paralysed with fear, I could not stammer out a word.
For what it’s worth, you seem so very capable to me. Your drive and focus put me to shame. I just put things off indefinitely. You make things happen — the whole feeling the fear and doing it anyways.
September 12th, 2008 at 9:23 am
[...] made me read the Tipping Point (remember she bought it for me because I was so lazy about reserving it at the library) in part because she wanted me to see that [...]