this woman’s work

I’m not writing lately. I had a minor breakdown about it yesterday (to Brett’s exhausted distress). But there isn’t any time. Between work and life (you know, feeding and clothing and otherwise making sure people are able to walk around upright) there really isn’t time. Or space in my head.

• Our cable is gone so I’m not watching television.
• The election is over so I’m not obsessed with political blogs.
• I AM trying to get back with my exercise routine but I figure that’s not negotiable seeing as how if I drop dead from a heart attack there won’t be any writing anyway so I probably should try to get and then stay fit.
• I’m neglecting the kids about as much as I feel comfortable with in order to get the work and working out done.

Oh I don’t want to do this — list the reasons I haven’t been writing. I wanted to whine about NOT writing. Because I’m not. And I’m frustrated.

Here’s the more positive part of it — I’m back in touch with some of my writing friends who went missing when their own busy lives took over and I’m meeting some new ones. I’ve got a writers event to go to on Wednesday (thank you Lia!), which I’m really looking forward to and hopefully the peer pressure will do me good.

For me, a lot of writing is a head game. I can find time even when there isn’t any when I have time to think. I’ve been jacking up my work efforts so much that all writing thoughts tumbled right out of my mind. Brett says I should pull back on the networking/marketing a little bit and focus on writing but damn, it’s hard to do. I get worried that I won’t be able to make my financial goals and the holidays are staring at me with their greedy little eyes. (Not to mention Noah’s birthday just a month after.)

Oh me of little faith!!

Did you cry during his acceptance speech? 

I think about how our international standing has just improved and I feel so hopeful.

The popular vote was still pretty close; we have a lot of work to do to bring this country together. (So Brett said no gloating around McCain supporters; he said we have to be good winners.)

Madison loves to see Obama with his little girls. She likes to see when he holds their hands and picks them up. I told her that because the president of the United States is a little bit like our king as elected by us, this means his little girls are now like the princesses of the United States. “And they are beautiful brown-skinned girls just like you.” 

She may not get the historical import yet but she gets the princess comparison. She’s pretty happy about it.

Pennie tried to call when he took Ohio but didn’t think to call our cell (I was at Abby’s with Kristen and Lynne) then we called her when CNN officially announced it. 

Pennie and I bonded about politics four years ago. It’s hard to remember but at the beginning we were excessively careful with each other and we didn’t talk politics. But then when Kerry was running she called me up and asked if I was voting “for Frankenstein or the chimp” and I said, “Frankenstein all the way.” And happily it turns out that we share our liberal politics. She was happy that the kids have been such a part of this election process and liked hearing that Madison helped hang flyers on doors the other day. 

I’m glad and grateful that Madison got to talk to her first mom on that historic night. I’m glad that we both thought to call each other. 

Abby had a great evening planned. The kids had an electoral map to fill out and Kristen and Lynne brought apple pie (raw and cooked respectively). I brought sparkling juice so the kids could toast the winner, which meant that Madison came up every ten minutes to see if we could do some toasting yet. 

I haven’t looked at any of the ballot measures yet so I’m going to make the kids pancakes (we slept way in) and then spend some time trolling the internet. Then it’s off to skating, home to work and later tonight I get to hook up with Andrew to talk politics (probably) and writing (definitely).

Yesterday we homeschoolers headed out to a Wexner Center school program for the Frog Bride. Afterwards the performers had a Q&A session and the kids asked lots of great questions (Noah wondered why there was only one actor in the show). Me, I wanted to know how in the hell those guys make a living and if it’s a real living or one where they still need to borrow money from their parents.

When I did that talk at the GCAC, I told the artists that they need to become their own patrons. The way I see it, people who get to live purely creative lives are few and far between and PARENTS (particularly mothers) who get to live them are even fewer. But many of us can live partially creative lives if we play our cards right. I mean, I’d rather sit around all day and think deep thoughts and write those deep thoughts down then stare at my page and sigh and go daydream for awhile and then come back and edit before I go back to staring into the middle distance. Unfortunately I have to make a living and I also have to wipe tushies, buy groceries, yell at people who leave their soccer shoes in the middle of the kitchen floor, discuss the merits of High School Musical II vs. High School Musical I and otherwise live my life outside of my head most of the time.

I have been itching lately to write but life has conspired against me. Having lots of work is a blessing even if it’s a creative curse and in this economy I’m grateful for my over-scheduled calendar even if it means I’m feeling a little run ragged. So it goes.

I’ll admit that I was feeling jealous of that guy hopping around the stage like a Frog Bride and jealous of the musicians accompanying him but I was also feeling inspired.

What I told the GCAC crowd is that creatives are good at finding creative solutions, right? We can find inspiration in odd places (like catalog copy or writing up a brochure) and we can also build skills when we stretch our corporate muscles. Plus we’re driven enough that we manage to squeeze the good stuff in around the mundane details of actual in real life living.

At least that’s what I tell myself when I’m cursing my calendar but blessing my billing. There’s time for everything if I’m willing to work in fits and starts. (And neglect the children some — they don’t mind. It means more television for them!)

But this freelancing I’ve been doing, I’ve learned a lot that’s benefitted my creative career not the least is to find opportunity and (important part) be willing to reach out and grab it. I’ve also learned a lot about marketing, a lot about networking and reminded myself of how much I enjoy public speaking and direct service with clients. To grow myself professionally I’ve had to stretch myself personally and since a creative career is a career (meaning I’ve never wanted to be Emily Dickinson) what I’m getting out of this less creative one has so far served me well in other ways.

Anyway. This is a buck myself up post because I’m itching to write this one essay and just haven’t had the time AT ALL and am looking at more work coming down the pike.

1. I have a wicked bad hormonal headache. I hope starting out in grouchy pain doesn’t cast a pall on the rest of my year!

2. My mom and my aunt are coming over for honeycake later. But we don’t have the car so no shofar for us. (Brett got a new-to-us car in what we’ve deemed a signing bonus. There are many advantages to going to work for a friend! But he doesn’t have the tags for it yet so we’re still acting as a 1-car family.)

3. Pennie is coming over tomorrow to see Madison’s very loose tooth! Yes, Madison is only four. We’re shocked, too.

4. Speaking of Madison and Pennie … the other day Madison and I were in the grocery store where there was a truly scary rubber animatronic witch with lit up eyes. (At the Westerville Kroger’s for you locals.) Noah would have had to leave the store IMMEDIATELY if he saw that at four but Madison was fascinated. I asked her if she thought it was scary and she said, “No, funny.” Then she wanted to touch it. Pennie is a huge fan of horror movies like Saw and The Hills Have Eyes (I can’t even look at those posters!) and also thinks they’re funny. Who knew horror appreciation was genetic?

5. I let the kids decorate for Halloween even though I usually make ‘em wait ’til October 1st but my head is killing me and I wanted some coffee and I wanted to drink it in peace. They did a bang up job of it, too.

6. I’m trying to dig out of the morass of undone housework due to Brett being home for that year. See, we thought he’d be a better housekeeper than I am but it turns out that he’s a surface cleaner. He doesn’t know that you also have to periodically clean from the inside out so I’m upending drawers, digging through closets and clearing off the top of the refrigerator.

7. I also went through the kids’ winter clothes and we will need to hit the thrift stores hard for both of them. I haven’t had Noah try his winter coat on yet but I think Madison is covered there thanks to Abby.

8. I’m caught up on work, which is a nice feeling. The article that was giving me fits source-wise went to bed and I really enjoyed writing it. I realize I’m most happiest when I can mix marketing communications with consumer stuff. Now if I can just figure out when to fit in creative nonfiction…

9. I’ve kept up with my exercise routine for over a month now. I’m definitely getting stronger and have lost a very little — and I mean LITTLE — weight. It’s going to be a long road to my fit by forty goals but it’d be an even longer road if I waited ’til fifty so I’m sucking it up. I love to exercise although you wouldn’t believe it just by looking at me. I also love to eat, which wouldn’t surprise you one bit.

10. To establish an exercise routine I can stick to I need: ease (no elaborate rituals, no weird schedules, no reliance on other people), privacy (no classes, no companions, no nosy trainers) and a decent soundtrack. One thing that surprised me about my mom’s trainer is that it feels like I’m moving in a smaller range than with the other but I think it must also be more focused because I’m really feeling changes in my back, especially my neck and shoulders. I get very sore but I’m also hurting a lot less from my whiplash (once I get past the lactic acid days) so the soreness is worth it. I haven’t really had a bad neck day since I started. Plus my mood? Not as psychotic.

11. I work out in the mornings while channel 34.1 (PBS) is showing kids’ shows. Madison watches ‘em while I sweat and Noah usually sleeps in. If he’s up, he’s doing his school work. A good time is had by all. (And today a better time than was intended because a quick glance at my browser’s history shows that Noah was on Neopets instead of Study Island. Busted!)

12. I want to think about buying a used piano for the kids’ big xmas present. I know Madison would like it and Noah might, too. But I don’t know anything about used piano buying. Anyone have advice to share?

Read the call over at Open Adoption Support!

I have an interview to do in one hour and fifteen minutes for which I am woefully unprepared. So I’m writing about it in an effort to calm myself down.

Here is my usual interview prep:

1. Google the hell out of my subject and/or topic and take lots of off-computer notes.

2. Come up with list of questions.

3. Know stuff inside and out so I can also ask questions on the fly.

4. Set my phone up with my cordless Madonna headset so I can type and listen at the very same time.

Today’s interview prep:

1. Google the hell out of my subject but take no off-computer notes because I’m doing it at First Watch while simultaneously eating breakfast/drinking coffee.

2. Look at my list of questions and feel confused. What was I going to say again?

3. Hope I know stuff well enough to ask questions on the fly but feel nervous. Haven’t crammed since college.

4. Hope one of my headsets works with the cell phone since the good bluetooth one requires electricity. Feel slightly panicked.

I should have rescheduled the interview but I was in denial about having no electric. Wish me luck.

I’m fighting a low-grade depression with bouts of full-fledged anxiety and have been for the past few weeks. Some days are better than others and some evenings are downright swell. But this is an afternoon of mumbling melancholy. This makes it hard to write.

Of course I haven’t been writing much of anything lately unless you count blog posts and client communications (I don’t count them) and this has a lot to do with my bad mood. The new (to me) elliptical trainer helps. Thursday night potlucks help. Kids in general help (except when they’re hanging on me when I’m trying to read or pounding on the bathroom door while I’m trying to take a bath or fighting with each other when I’m on the elliptical trainer and I have to take my iPod earbuds out and scream back at them as best as I can considering I’m a little out of breath and all). But except for those times, the kids are a bright spot to the day. Same goes for their father — generally bright spot — although he also has his moments. (Don’t we all.)

I must be having my midlife crisis because I spend a lot of time thinking about the things I should have done and the things I wish I’d done and the things I better have left undone. This is coinciding with similar feelings from Brett so sometimes in the evening — now that we gave up cable — we play regret roulette; basically spinning our wheels and mourning our choices. 

It would be nice to get through this personal growth time, (which is how I tend to think of these downward spirals) and get onto the next phase of living my life. But I’m waiting for some things to resolve and a bunch of those things are out of my control. So I’m waiting. Fidgeting. Feeling sad and scuffling around the house.

Lemme tell you, the state of politics isn’t helping any. 

I’m feeling very woe is me.

I had two great client meetings today. The first was with the owner and staff of this fantastic clothing store in the Short North, Substance. The clothes are beautifully designed, well-made and from sustainable manufacturers (often times using organic goods). There are fantastic purses from Ethiopia and the softest t-shirts designed right there in the store. They even have a handful of desigs made from discarded shirts brought in by customers. And the prices? Comparable to the clothes I was writing up at Express this summer (only much more beautifully, comfortably and respectfully made).

They brought me in for a Q&A about some web 2.0 stuff and I hope I’ll get to work with them further but whatever else happens, count me in as a fan.

Next I headed North to the Short North Business Administration to help John launch their new blog. Chris brought me in on the project — they set up the blog and asked me to help him figure out how to use the software. He’s a funny, personable, friendly guy and I had a good time showing him how WordPress and Twitter work. (He’s shortnorth on twitter.)

Now I’m watching Brett clean the kitchen while we wait for Abby to call and tell us she’s heading over to Kristen’s with the kids.

Anyway, it’s been a busy day and tonight will be a busy (social) evening and tomorrow I have some client calls and work to do then maybe I can rest a tiny bit this weekend. Or something. But today was fun — I like hearing about other people’s lives and I like helping them figure out how to do something new and interesting.

Oh last night I sent a proposal for a project that I’m really really really hoping gets approved (it’s a work thing — not a writing thing) because it would be a blast to put it together and I’d like to see what people would make of it. If you think you can type with your fingers crossed, please consider crossing them!

I finished most (not all) of my work to-do list but tomorrow is pretty open to get more done. I have a phone interview with a potential client in the afternoon but otherwise nothing scheduled so I want to crank out at least most of a big project (we want it to launch by the end of next week) so I can clear my desk to start research on another big project (also due at the end of next week).

Today is Thursday, which means Abby and Kristen are already off having a gay old time with Lynne and the kids but I’m not with ‘em ‘cuz I had work. Fortunately they took Noah (Madison didn’t mind staying behind since Brett was staying, too) since it’s the big kid who really suffers when we miss out on stuff. Brett and I are waiting for the husbands to get off work and then we’re all car pooling over there for pizza. I hope that I’ve figured out how to relax by then — I think I may just have to have a drink tonight. So there. And I think I’ll leave my cell and iPod at home. (Dare I? Oh rats. Yes. Darnit, I’m taking the night off!)

Brett asked me today what my dream job was and I said writing stuff I want to write (in a cabin in the woods and one of those fancy but not too fancy cabins, too, more like a Usonian house than Laura Ingalls) but if he means my dream job in light of a need to make money, I’d still say this is pretty close. It’s not like I spend all — or some weeks even most — of my time writing stuff that gets me all hot and bothered but it’s still writing or strategizing and talking to people who are passionate about what they want to do, all of which I like. Someday I hope to spend lots of time alone (with my family — they can come, too) in the green quiet writing essays but meanwhile this will do. Especially if there are friends with pizza and hard cider at the end of it.

I wanted to use the new/old header graphic. And I wanted to play with wordpress themes. That’s the real reason we started Open Book Strategies — so I could play with wordpress themes! Speaking of which, I need to get to work!