this woman’s work

1. Go to myspace because an evil friend sent you the link to a mutual friend.
2. Get a pseudo-membership so you can access blogs and pictures.
3. Begin to see stalking possibilities and commence stalking.
4. Locate ex-boyfriends: no surprises.
5. Locate ex-friends: no surprises.
6. Look up children you used to babysit for and see they are all in college and apparently have full-grown faces and bodies.
7. Say out loud to the screen, “Why, I used to wipe your tushie and now look at you trolling for dates on the internet! And such language! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”
8. Turn off computer sound because the stuff the kids these days are listening to just sounds like so much noise.

I. Am. So. Old.