this woman’s work

Yesterday we homeschoolers headed out to a Wexner Center school program for the Frog Bride. Afterwards the performers had a Q&A session and the kids asked lots of great questions (Noah wondered why there was only one actor in the show). Me, I wanted to know how in the hell those guys make a living and if it’s a real living or one where they still need to borrow money from their parents.

When I did that talk at the GCAC, I told the artists that they need to become their own patrons. The way I see it, people who get to live purely creative lives are few and far between and PARENTS (particularly mothers) who get to live them are even fewer. But many of us can live partially creative lives if we play our cards right. I mean, I’d rather sit around all day and think deep thoughts and write those deep thoughts down then stare at my page and sigh and go daydream for awhile and then come back and edit before I go back to staring into the middle distance. Unfortunately I have to make a living and I also have to wipe tushies, buy groceries, yell at people who leave their soccer shoes in the middle of the kitchen floor, discuss the merits of High School Musical II vs. High School Musical I and otherwise live my life outside of my head most of the time.

I have been itching lately to write but life has conspired against me. Having lots of work is a blessing even if it’s a creative curse and in this economy I’m grateful for my over-scheduled calendar even if it means I’m feeling a little run ragged. So it goes.

I’ll admit that I was feeling jealous of that guy hopping around the stage like a Frog Bride and jealous of the musicians accompanying him but I was also feeling inspired.

What I told the GCAC crowd is that creatives are good at finding creative solutions, right? We can find inspiration in odd places (like catalog copy or writing up a brochure) and we can also build skills when we stretch our corporate muscles. Plus we’re driven enough that we manage to squeeze the good stuff in around the mundane details of actual in real life living.

At least that’s what I tell myself when I’m cursing my calendar but blessing my billing. There’s time for everything if I’m willing to work in fits and starts. (And neglect the children some — they don’t mind. It means more television for them!)

But this freelancing I’ve been doing, I’ve learned a lot that’s benefitted my creative career not the least is to find opportunity and (important part) be willing to reach out and grab it. I’ve also learned a lot about marketing, a lot about networking and reminded myself of how much I enjoy public speaking and direct service with clients. To grow myself professionally I’ve had to stretch myself personally and since a creative career is a career (meaning I’ve never wanted to be Emily Dickinson) what I’m getting out of this less creative one has so far served me well in other ways.

Anyway. This is a buck myself up post because I’m itching to write this one essay and just haven’t had the time AT ALL and am looking at more work coming down the pike.

Seems like I’m living in a snowglobe minus the snow. I’m discombobulated and every time I think I’ve got my footing again — shake shake shake — I’m knocked off balance.

Good news: Let go of a timesuck client that people have been telling me to let go of for months.

(shake shake shake)

Bad news: Client still hasn’t paid me for last month of work.

(shake shake shake)

Good news: I think working around Brett’s schedule is more than do-able because the kids are older, I’m better organized and teleivion is a magical baby sitter.

(shake shake shake)

Bad news: Brett isn’t loving the job.

It’s kinda like that only it’s everything. Every. Little. Thing. So that’s how my mood is, too.

Good news!

(shake shake shake)

Bad news!

(shake shake shake)

Ad infinitum.

I am neither happy nor sad about this or that or the other thing but I am interested — sorta like a bystander in denial that the shake-ups are actually happening to me. I find this to be a sanity-saver since I’m pretending not to nice the way I’m being buffeted by whichever rotten kid is messing with my personal snowglobe.

(shake shake shake)

Brett goes back to work tomorrow and he will be missed. Things I will miss most:

• His morning pancakes
• The way he brings me a second cup of coffee while I’m sitting at my desk
• Being able to start the morning at my desk undisturbed
• Knowing that he’ll run the kids to the park and/or library and otherwise fill their lives with wholesome activity
• His annoying singing in the morning
• Having him open the window I can’t reach above my desk
• Chatting with him over lunch
• Talking myself through writer’s block will he patiently listens
• Watching him serve dinner with a flourish and more singing
• All the errands he somehow finds time to run

Well, now I’m a little sad.

This has been a difficult year full of growth and struggle. I’ve learned more than I really wanted to know about the inner-workings of my financial fears and we’ve worked through so much as a couple. I’m excited about this next stage because I think it can get us where we want to be faster (mainly, getting Brett home again with a more stable budget — unless he loves his job so much he wants to stay there, too) and I’m also nervous about keeping up this level of work with a more challenging schedule.

The flipside of the challenging schedule is that I’ll be forced to leave work with work instead of carrying it along with me. I think if I drop most of my pro bono efforts that it’ll go a long way to freeing up my time. I also am going to do a lot less in-person networking and more working the network I already have (because I need to think about marketing, which always seems counterintuitive when I’m really busy but eventually the slow times will come back). And having the one car is going to be annoying. (There’s a bus that we think runs near his job but how near and the length of the commute have not been confirmed. We do know that it’ll be a trade-off: Having a car or having Brett home in a timely manner. It’s not economical to drive him myself gas-wise.)

I got most of my business systems worked out so that I can work more effectively and it’s going to be easier now than it was before Brett came home. (I wasn’t juggling nearly as much work then but what I was juggling I was handling badly.) Besides, it’s only seven weeks of Brett being gone days and then it’ll be a lot easier. (I do my best work in the morning and tend to burn out by about 2pm, which is when Brett will be heading out when his schedule changes.)

So we will be back to a 2-income family. I made a full-time salary in my ePreg days but since then my paychecks have been very much of the part-time variety so this will be the first time in quite awhile that our coffer will have the benefit of two folks throwing money at it. We’re thinking six to eight months and then we’ll reassess barring any exciting developments on my end.

I will also have less time to write for myself for the next two months, which makes me sad/frustrated. Thing is, it’s about long-term plans and knowing that it’s a priority for our future does much to ease my grousing.

Sometime I want to write more about how it’s been to change out our traditional gender roles (husband working, wife carrying for kids & home) and how it has and has not impacted our marriage. I will say that it’s been a bigger deal for people around us than for us although it did force us to confront some of our ingrained ideas about how our family works.

I finished most (not all) of my work to-do list but tomorrow is pretty open to get more done. I have a phone interview with a potential client in the afternoon but otherwise nothing scheduled so I want to crank out at least most of a big project (we want it to launch by the end of next week) so I can clear my desk to start research on another big project (also due at the end of next week).

Today is Thursday, which means Abby and Kristen are already off having a gay old time with Lynne and the kids but I’m not with ‘em ‘cuz I had work. Fortunately they took Noah (Madison didn’t mind staying behind since Brett was staying, too) since it’s the big kid who really suffers when we miss out on stuff. Brett and I are waiting for the husbands to get off work and then we’re all car pooling over there for pizza. I hope that I’ve figured out how to relax by then — I think I may just have to have a drink tonight. So there. And I think I’ll leave my cell and iPod at home. (Dare I? Oh rats. Yes. Darnit, I’m taking the night off!)

Brett asked me today what my dream job was and I said writing stuff I want to write (in a cabin in the woods and one of those fancy but not too fancy cabins, too, more like a Usonian house than Laura Ingalls) but if he means my dream job in light of a need to make money, I’d still say this is pretty close. It’s not like I spend all — or some weeks even most — of my time writing stuff that gets me all hot and bothered but it’s still writing or strategizing and talking to people who are passionate about what they want to do, all of which I like. Someday I hope to spend lots of time alone (with my family — they can come, too) in the green quiet writing essays but meanwhile this will do. Especially if there are friends with pizza and hard cider at the end of it.

I’m taking advantage of Brett’s muscle to get things moved around — tv down to the playroom, upstairs living room rearranged, etc. Since I’ll be working without childcare for at least the first few weeks of Brett’s job, I want to get it set up so the kids can be down here where I am and happily out of my hair.

I guess I hadn’t explained very well that Brett going to work doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop working — no way, no how! Because, for one, I make about as much money as he does and neither of us alone is making quite enough to keep up our lifestyle and add to savings so we’re both going to put nose to the grindstone for awhile. As my business grows we’ll reasses (it may be having less childcare will slow me down but I don’t think so because I’m going to have to spend less time marketing — Open Book Strategies is already easier to sell to folks, which is proof I’m on the right rack, I think). I will definitely need childcare but I’m going to try to get to fall when it’ll be easier to find and I think that’s doable (fall is just around the corner after all). I don’t anticipate having the same problems I had before because Madison is older now and more amenable to someone coming over to play with her while I sit at my desk. I’m figuring if I can get someone to give me some mornings, I can work and Noah can do school and then the afternoons will be fairly free barring rush jobs and overflow work (there are always evenings and weekends for that, too).

Anyway! I need to go do some heavy directing of Brett’s heavy lifting. Those boxes of books aren’t going to move themselves!!