Jenna and I have decided to take over the world.

See, this is what happened. My book? Never sold. I got nice feedback from editors who basically said, “Industry’s tanked. Not taking chances on a new writer. Thanks.” Our choices were to move to smaller publishers or rethink the project. Delia and I talked and decided rethinking was in order because editors like my writing but weren’t so crazy about the book. Woe is me, right? Yes, friends, woe. is. me.

So I grieved that and around that time I also started my job and I grieved that, too. And my whole life seemed lousy and I’d never be a writer again and oh it was all so awful and miserable and basically I have been moping around the house a lot in 2009. Then Delia asked if I’d ever thought of working with Jenna on a book. And I said, why no I haven’t but let me give it a think. And I thought for all of ten seconds maybe and then emailed Jenna.

Jenna and I scrapped the memoir idea because we couldn’t think of how to meld our stories right and then I dug around in my notes and found this other idea, which we both like a lot and now we’re all google waving at each other over it.

I have never written with another writer and that kinda scares me but it’s Jenna so that kinda doesn’t. Because I feel like in a lot of ways we’re on the same wavelength about stuff and our experiences are complementary not just as adoptive mom to first mom but also to our parenting ideas and our work ideas and our juggling lives and WordPress fixation and multitasking careers, etc. We have a lot in common but we also have a lot of good differences and I think (hope!) that this will translate to being able to write a book together.

If nothing else, together we have a platform that kicks major ass.

Where we are now is talking about chapters and each of us deciding what research we want to do. We’re going to use google wave to share info so that we can collaborate as we go even as we each take responsibility for certain parts. Then when we feel like we’ve gotten some basic info down, we’ll work on writing it together. I’m not sure how that’ll work but if we get together on a structure to follow so that we’re on the same page there, then each of us can maybe write what we want to write and then edit for cohesiveness. I’m hoping Delia has some thoughts on how to do that. Or we’ll hire Becca to help us. Because she’s brilliant.

Here’s hoping that 2010 brings more good things because I am about done with all that 2009 moping but seriously!

Thanks to all who weighed in (on blog and off) about grad school. It’s kind of a moot point since I’m not in a position to go for a fellowship right now (because I still need to make money) and I wouldn’t go to grad school if I had to pay for it. But it’s a maybe someday kind of thing. Hearing that I may not need that degree to do what I want was encouraging. I know that if my book sells that this will go a long way to building my career, which is one reason I want to write it. I want to get to the next stage in my life as a writer and I feel like having a book is the next stage. I’m not thinking much beyond this proposal (because I want to revel in the experience of having one out) but I am thinking about what I can be doing to support that proposal (and my interest in adoption) and help me grow into other projects if that book doesn’t sell.

Here’s some stuff in my head right now:

1. Brett’s doing the taxes and I made more than I thought last year. Although I was technically full-time freelance, I was really working part-time and I made a very nice income for a part-time worker. That made me feel much better about things. What hurt us was that when I went full-time in 2007, I wasn’t making enough at all and we ran through the cushion we’d built to support us while I got things up and running. Then when clients paid out late in 2008, we had no cushion and went into debt and I didn’t make enough to pay ourselves and pay back that debt so Brett had to go to work. But I was short by much less than I thought — we are not as bad off as I feared.
2. I had coffee with Alicia who had encouragement and good advice about doing workshops. She knows whereof she speaks since she gave me my first workshop gig. I left our meeting more excited!
3. In my continuing critique of the past year, I realized that all of my jobs came via networking. ALL OF THEM. None came from marketing/cold calling/warm calling. So I’m going to work on developing my connections and let word-of-mouth bring me work. In other words, I’m going to fret less and trust more (having Brett at work to pay the regular bills gives me the freedom to do this). And with the cushion that is Brett, I won’t take work that I don’t want this year.
4. Some of last year’s mistakes were necessary so that I could figure out what I was doing, like joining too many networking groups because I bought into the “it’s a numbers game” message even though I don’t like networking. I’m good at relationships and I’ve done better by focusing on relationships and easing up on the glad-handing strangers. Lesson learned. Of course I had to spend a lot of money and time to find it out and because I’d invested so much money and time, it took me longer than it should. (I kept trying to make it work, going to lunches and brunches and coffees and spending a lot of money on business cards that I gave away and that only got me on other people’s pitch lists.)

I have not, by any stretch, closed shop. I’m still here slugging away but having Brett bring home a paycheck is giving me room to put to work what I learned in the past year.

I am very grateful to Brett. (I should probably tell him that.)

Now that 2008 is over, I will say cautiously that it was a good year, even the terrible last quarter. Because sometimes a person has to fall flat on her face to look back and see what was tripping her up.

I am feeling very hopeful.

(Seriously — having that number there in black and white and knowing that I earned it on my own, flying free has gone a long way to making me feel better about it all.)

Three new questions up over at Open Adoption Support!!! Questions include: advice for an expectant mom thinking about placement, how to manage holidays and adopting older kids from foster care.

Also, got word that my panel proposal for the American Adoption Congress conference in Cleveland next spring is a go!

Open Adoption: Promises and Truth

Sunday, April 26th 2009

8:45am to 10am

I’m working to line up some fab women (who perhaps you might know! I’m just sayin’!) to share their stories of living open adoption as first and adoptive parents, talking about their expectations before the adoption and the real life challenges and of course the need for more open adoption support.

Once I know for sure who will be there (I have fairly firm yeses from two) I’ll let y’all know.

I’ve been on the hunt for an agent but not talking about it here because I didn’t think any agent would appreciate being live-blogged but I’m going to go ahead and talk about it now.

I got the names of several agents through editor/writer friends and decided to just run through the list. I’ve made it through four now and think I’ll stop. This was the feedback:

• First agent had no comment about the proposal but said a couple of snide things about open adoption. Obviously she passed on the project.
• Second agent LOVED the project, thought it was terrific but also thought it would end up on parenting shelves and this is not really what he represents. He was very encouraging and gave me the names of four other agents who have represented complementary projects. Note: these weren’t referrals but still, his response made me happy.
• Third agent sent a form rejection.
• Fourth agent wrote me several times over the course of the last month or so expressing excitement over the project and letting me know that it’d gotten over each hurdle. Last response came on Monday: they really love the proposal and think it has legs. BUT. It’s a memoir. They think I need to write the whole book before they can pitch it. If I’m willing to do that, I should get back to them. (In other words, there’s no guarantee that writing the whole book will get them as my agent but it will help.)

And this is probably true. I probably do need to write the whole book. Yes, people get book deals on a narrative, memoir-ish book without writing the whole book first but it’s a harder sell.

I’m processing this need to write the whole book. I was wringing my hands about it when I got the letter. (Ok, actually I was crying.) I don’t exactly have a lot of spare time to write a book because of this whole need to pay the bills thing but then who does? I know a lot of writers and most of them are writing books they don’t have time to write. I mean, it’s not impossible. And it might be fun. So I’m feeling better about it.

I figure I’ll work on the book and maybe look for markets to place some of the chapters as I go. I’m thinking smaller lit magazines to cement a stronger creative nonfiction reputation. I want a respectable career that lasts. I can always make money writing about socks for fashion purveyors so I’m less worried about trying to make money in my creative writing life. Yes, it’d be nice but for the kind of career I want, it’s not really about money.

I thought about going to the next name on the list of agents I’ve still got sitting here but I’m going to try this on now. I’m going to try writing some more. It makes me alternately excited and exhausted to think about it. I’ll let you know how it goes.