this woman’s work

I have an interview to do in one hour and fifteen minutes for which I am woefully unprepared. So I’m writing about it in an effort to calm myself down.

Here is my usual interview prep:

1. Google the hell out of my subject and/or topic and take lots of off-computer notes.

2. Come up with list of questions.

3. Know stuff inside and out so I can also ask questions on the fly.

4. Set my phone up with my cordless Madonna headset so I can type and listen at the very same time.

Today’s interview prep:

1. Google the hell out of my subject but take no off-computer notes because I’m doing it at First Watch while simultaneously eating breakfast/drinking coffee.

2. Look at my list of questions and feel confused. What was I going to say again?

3. Hope I know stuff well enough to ask questions on the fly but feel nervous. Haven’t crammed since college.

4. Hope one of my headsets works with the cell phone since the good bluetooth one requires electricity. Feel slightly panicked.

I should have rescheduled the interview but I was in denial about having no electric. Wish me luck.

Cynthia tagged me!

1. I just got a gig I was wanting! I don’t know what the job is or what the hours are or how much of it is on-site because I haven’t found that part out yet. I interviewed three times and am still not sure. But I know it pays on time and I know it’s not full-time (although it may be 40 hours some weeks) and that’s good enough for me. Whew! This is going to take some of the pressure off, lemme tell you! (And I think the job will be fun.)
2. I am five foot four but people usually think I’m taller. At least they seem to remember me as taller. My mom is five foot eight and she always thinks I’m taller.
3. My eyes are getting lighter as I get older. Bummer. They used to be as blue as Noah’s but not so much anymore. Anyone else experiencing this?
4. I have a weird memory. I can remember song lyrics to songs I haven’t heard in decades, outfits that friends wore at parties they don’t remember going to, and phone numbers from my childhood but I will forget your name ten minutes after you tell it to me. Those three interviews I had? I have no idea who they were with because I can’t remember names. But my best friend’s phone number in third grade? Oh yeah, I could still dial it.
5. I’ve written this before but what the heck. I’m a lucid dreamer. I usually know when I’m dreaming and will sometimes discuss this with the people in my dream. I also will sometimes wrench my dreams around to better suit my purposes. In my nightmares part of the nightmare-ish of it is that I know I’m dreaming and I wrench the dream around but the other people (bad guys) in the dream will wrench it back.
6. I am unable to return phone calls in a timely manner (if at all) unless it’s work-related and I have to. My friends know this about me and seem to accept it. I’m also not prone to calling people to chat because I hate to bother them. (The exception to this: My sister.) It’s worse with cell phones. I hate to call people on a cell phone because I know that they can always (theoretically) answer it and if they don’t want to, they might feel obligated. I hate to put them in that position; I’d rather just not call.

I tag all y’all. If you don’t have a blog (and why in the world wouldn’t you by this time????) then you could always answer in the comments. I mean, why not? It’ll be fun! Try it!

Because Julia decided I was worth $10.46 (the cost of the book plus shipping), I’m reading The Tipping Point and loving it even though I’m years late to the party. (Soc major interested in marketing and social relationships, yeah it’s my kind of book.)

Julia wanted me to read it because sometimes it feels like I’m spinning my wheels — doing lots of little things to try to get myself to the next place career-wise in both my marketing career (i.e., $$$) and my artistic career (i.e., bigger opportunities). She wanted me to see that every little thing you do makes a difference and any of those little things could take my career(s) past the tipping point.

I am loving this book. And I’m also trying to see how the things I’m bringing to the table help me and what I can do to help myself more.

I keep running up against my introversion. See, I think I might be a connector because I know a lot of people (although a lot of you are virtual; I’m just building my in real life rolodex) and I love to fix people up. I mean I LOVE it. I love helping my friends become friends with my other friends; I love helping people find someone who can answer their questions; I love saying, “I know who can help you with that” and then handing them an email/phone number. BUT these things also totally deplete me.

I know so much of getting along in the world is attitude but I also know that when I’m depleted I feel sad and hopeless. Given that I need alone time to recharge and given that I need MORE alone time if I’m spending time around people and given that I don’t get a lot of alone time because I have kids (being with Brett, as I’ve said, is as comforting as being alone), I want to figure out other ways to self-care. (Right now I’m relying way too much on caffeine and Cadbury eggs, which is not doing myself any favors, lemme tell you.)

I’m trying to do more self-talk like, “It’s ok. It’s not that bad. Breathe in, breathe out.” I’m trying to actively wrench my depleted mind around to feel less overwhelmed. I’m trying not to fret over the Cadbury eggs and caffeine too much. I mean, yes, exercise is good and eating well is good and getting enough sleep is good but at the heart of it is my introverted self trying not to just get by but actually to THRIVE in an extroverted world. I want the things I want — success, a good income, more opportunity — and giving in to my weaknesses isn’t going to get them for me. I want to be an active participant in my success instead of just waiting around for the marketing equivalent of Prince Charming.

I had a second interview today for the job I interviewed for last week and I have a playdate this afternoon, then homeschool fair tonight, then Power of the Pen judging tomorrow, then volunteering for the Purim carnival on Sunday, then taking Madison to a raucous play-center birthday party for one of Pennie’s friends Sunday night not to mention lots of work and leaving for Portland at the end of next week and the whole thing makes me want to cry. But I also want to do these things (even though my left eyelid won’t stop twitching). I want to be able to do those things without going insane, which means figuring out how not to go insane when my whole BEING rebels against this much action.

The only thing I can compare it to is how some people loathe public speaking. (Ironically I like public speaking, which seems strange I know but I’m better with a role to play so I’d rather be a featured speaker than be milling around at a dinner party where I don’t know anyone.) That hyperventilating fear that some people have before public speaking is kinda what I have before almost anything that involves meeting new people UNLESS I have a role to play and even then it’s stressful. Now this has gotten better in the past year of aggressive networking. I don’t cry in my car as much before meetings anymore (rarely, actually) and I’m more willing to make dates with people I’ve never met. So that gives me hope that I can get better at this other stuff, too.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m hoping to put in all this time upfront so that I can retreat back into happy aloneness further down the line but I realize a girl has gotta earn her stripes before she has the privilege of happy aloneness, which is why I’m willing to do this stuff. But today — sitting here in my office basement with my left eyelid spasming like mad — I needed to bitch about it a little as a way to cheer myself on. Argh.