this woman’s work

I theoretically have a day off from work because Brett is at Home Depot and I’m here with the kids. I’ve got Noah playing with Madison so I can at least get a little bit done this morning but I’m going to try very very hard not to work anymore today. I spent a very long time cramming work in around the kids so it feels normal to me to be fretting at the computer while the children nip at my heels but just because it feels normal doesn’t mean it feels good.

I can’t write/work unless I’m removed from the moment and in my own zone. I know not everyone works this way but I do and that’s why writing around the kids for the years before Brett’s lay off were excruciating; I always felt like my brain was being torn in two. Really. It hurts to have my train of thought derailed and so in the early Madison years, I was mostly frustrated and unhappy about work. This is why I don’t want to go back to Brett being gone full-time. I think I can deal with having occasional days like today but only if I steer clear of my computer until this evening when Brett gets back.

It’s funny how pressing deadlines feel so much more pressing when I’m not at my desk. I can sit here tooling around blogs not worried a bit about an essay I need to get written but send me upstairs away from my laptop and I get antsy and nervous about getting it done. It’s the attention divided that kills me.

Ooh, I’m already frustrated and I haven’t even run out of work time yet!!!!