Non-moms worse than lesser-than-citizens?
May 9, 2008 Adoption
Honestly I think the teleflora snafu is idiotic and ridiculous but it doesn’t make me nearly as unhappy as HB 7 going down. It just doesn’t offend me the way governmental prejudice against adopted people does.
I know in some ways one is a reflection of the other. Adopted kids — and the adults they grow up into although in the eyes of the world they’re always adopted children — just aren’t as “real” as people who get to grow up in their families of origin. The only reason non-mom would ever bother me (because honestly I don’t give a damn what people call me) is that it’s indicative of the disrespect that society has about our kids. It doesn’t hurt me to be called a non-mom but it sure as hell would hurt Madison to hear me dismissed and this whole “one of her own” (aside from the offensive “meth babies”) is also hurtful.
So I know that this is a reflection of why birth certificates are falsified and the real records sealed up tight. I know that but I just wish I saw as much outrage about closed records as I’m seeing about some stupid mother’s day promotion. And I wish that our representatives were as quick to respond as the folks at teleflora (although honestly, teleflora? I don’t see how you can make this right — it was such a misguided thing to do and the fact that your president is an “adopting” parent herself makes me really wonder where the hell everyone’s head was at). They put up the lame apology, they’ll likely — one hopes — change the “meth baby” reference and rethink the whole stupid category organization anyway, and their PR folks are commenting on blogs read to hear us. (Scroll down and you can see she’s introduced herself in the comments on the post.)
But our elected reps? They don’t give a damn.
It’s depressing.
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Tags: Adoption, adoption reform, adoptive-parenting, HB 7, Madison, ohio HB 7, teleflora
So awesome
May 9, 2008 Adoption
This kills me. From America’s Favorite Mom, these are the categories:
The Military mom
She’s either far from home, the wife of a soldier, or works at home on her own to support our troops. She is a hero to her kids.
The Working mom
She works away or at home, all the while managing to balance career and family. Quite a feat.
The Single mom
She’s raising her child alone, whether by circumstances or by choice. Whatever happens, the buck stops with her.
The non-mom mom
Grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child. A priceless gift for everybody.
The COE “Chairman of Everything” mom
She’s the “soccer mom.” She gave up her career to raise her family. Chauffeur, cook, tutor, nurse — she does it all.
The non-mom mom! Oh my gosh, mother’s day is a minefield to be sure but I can’t believe this made it out of their marketing meeting! Good job, NBC! Way to blow it! (Personally I don’t care so much about this what with HB 7 going down and issues like that to drive me nutty but you can imagine someone has a furious letter writing campaign going on about it!)
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HB 7 open records shot down
May 9, 2008 Adoption
The open records language has been removed from HB 7. This is despite moving testimony supporting the right of adopted people to have copies of their original birth certificates and absolutely no testimony against it. That’s right — Ohio’s elected public officials rate the concerns of imaginary people over the concerns of those folks who actually exist, actually vote and get in their cars and take the time to testify.
By refusing to grant access to this basic human right of a non-falsified document that the rest of us non-adopted people can freely take for granted, the Ohio house health committee says this:
- Adoptees are perpetual children who need to be protected from their curiosity about their shameful births.
- Adoptees should be unduly grateful to the people who take them in since everyone knows that adopted kids are damaged goods.
- Birth families are disposable and inconsequential.
- Yet birth families must be protected from the prying eyes of their adopted away relatives.
If you are not adopted, the friend or family member of an adopted person, a birth family member or the friend or family of a birth family member you need to know that this says something about the way the Ohio house health committee thinks of you, too.
They are saying that basic civil rights are conditional; that the government should have more control over the very truth of your existence than you should; that unexpected pregnancies and the women who have them are shameful; and that the government isn’t here to protect your rights but to shield you regardless of your wants and wishes.
In other words? We should all be concerned.
Join Buckeyes for Equal Access (or your state’s equivalent) to learn who you should contact to let them know that EVERYONE — not just the non-adopted — has a right to his or her true, unmodified, unfalsified birth certificate.
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Tags: adoptee rights, Adoption, adoption reform, bastard nation, HB 7, ohio HB 7, open records
Monday list to start us off
Apr 28, 2008 Adoption, Blogging, The Story of My Life
1. I’ve been downloading old videos with dancing in ‘em to show Noah on our Tivo and one that I grabbed was “We’ll Be Together Tonight,” which has Sting and his doppelganger. There’s a scene where Trudy smacks Sting across the face and Madison said, “Why did she hit him? What would you do, Mommy? You know what I would do? I would KISS him!” Then she hid her face in the couch pillow.
2. I haven’t even looked at my chapter outline again since the agent took a pass and really need to get on it. But I also have a ton of regular work to do and I’m trying to get myself all set up to be out of my office for the next two weeks. I fully expect to come home from writing all day to write some more. I’m ok with that.
3. Someone asked me to speak at a gathering that may be contentious. It’s not even on anything actually controversial (like, say, adoption ethics). That’s all I can say about it. It’s one of three upcoming speaking engagements I have (two fairly soon and one in the fall). I should really join Toastmasters so that I can actually get good at this but then again I have no time for Toastmasters.
4. Did I mention that my cousin’s band is going to be on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson? Well, they are. On April 30th. Thank god for TIVO because I haven’t stayed up that late since Hector was a pup. (Who is Hector anyway? Oh, here he is.)
5. I’m sad that I can’t get to the last hearing for HB 7. If you are in Columbus and you feel strongly (as you should) that EVERY Ohio adoptee has the right to his or her birth certificate please please please go and show your support!!! Contact Marley to learn more. You don’t have to be connected to adoption to help!!!
6. I’m also not going to get to go to this:
Just a reminder about tomorrow’s press conference at Capital Law School, where we’ll launch the improved adoption and child-welfare law Web site. The site contains plain English summaries of case law, statutes, and regulations from all 50 states, as well as answers to frequently asked questions, giving people who are interested in adoption, as well as child welfare professionals, free access to the most up-to-date and comprehensive adoption and child welfare law and policy in the country.
The National Center for Adoption Law & Policy at Capital University Law School (NCALP) will unveil its new Adoption and Child Welfare LawSite (www.adoptionchildwelfarelaw.org) at 10 a.m. on Tuesday, April 29, 2008.
Life takes up so much of my attention!!! There are so many things that I miss!!!
7. I wrote to my old social worker about the hearing and they are getting in touch with women who placed through their agency and have since contacted them about reunion to ask them to testify. My feelings about our adoption may have changed and my feelings about certain details of our agency experience may have changed but I still adore our social worker who is one nifty woman.
8. Speaking of adoption (and aren’t I always? more or less?) I was remembering last night that one of the nurses cut a lock of Madison’s hair for Pennie to take home the day before she signed the papers. I used to look at the place in Madison’s hair where they cut it (right in the back where babies sometimes develop little mullets) and think about Pennie. It took a long time to grow back. I’d say almost through her second year I could still see where her hair was a little shorter.
9. There were other little reminders that would sometimes shake me up those first days. I’ve tried to write an essay about this one and can’t but Madison didn’t lose her umbilical cord for a long long long time. I’d have to look it up to see when but it was far longer than Noah did. Read into that what you will (I sure did. I still do.)
10. Someone who is blogging but not really publicly (so I will not link) asked, “How did you make the decision to blog so publicly?” And the short answer is, “By accident.” That’s not totally true because I knew I wanted to blog openly to see what came of it. The journals I first read and that inspired me to try it were all very confessional and bold. What I didn’t realize is that blogging would catch on the way it has. I didn’t realize that there’d be so many of us blogging and reading each other’s blogs. I used to blog into a faceless void but then so many of you moved into focus and some of you became in real life friends and other real life friends found my blog, etc. I try never to write about something that I’d be unhappy being confronted about. What I tell my blogging clients is this: Don’t write about anything that you’d rather not have someone bring up in the grocery store check-out. Because they will. The thing about blogging is that a lot of strangers end up knowing you rather well even if you don’t know them at all. If that idea makes you uncomfortable, blog anonymously.
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Tags: Adoption, adoption ethics, adoption law, agent, Blogging, blogs, Craig Ferguson, essay, Friends, HB 7, Madison, Noah, Ohio, our agency, privacy, Toastmasters, work
