Right at this minute Madison is swinging while wearing her velvet Thanksgiving dress (long sleeves, long skirt — it is hot out there) and a blue Easter hat that she got from Pennie’s dad in the dress up box and which is getting a little bit too small for her. It’s light blue and made of plastic straw. It makes an interesting contrast to the black velvet top and red satin skirt on her dress. Oh and she’s carrying a baton.

It’s 1:30pm and today is a without Noah day because he’s at Gram and Gramps camp (it’s a real camp — the park & recs department puts it on) with Brett’s parents this week. This has made for a much quieter morning.

So far Madison has helped make coffee cake, eaten coffee cake, had a tea party, read her book, gone out on the porch to listen to the (very loud) music coming from the school across the way for their last day party, rediscovered the drink & wet doll that was mine when I was little and potty trained said doll, danced to Hairspray, dressed and undressed all of her dolls, eaten lunch and picked up her mess in the family room. She has not, however, picked up her tea party yet.

It’s hard to believe that she could be in kindergarten next year if we were gonna send her. On the one hand, she seems perfectly capable of anything academia could throw at her but on the other hand, I can’t imagine her sitting at a desk for any length of time. This child needs so much big muscle time, I’m telling you. She needs to run, dance, jump and spin spin spin. She is also a major grazer, rarely eating a full meal unless you let her spread it across an hour or two or three. She eats A LOT, mind you, but she doesn’t always have the attention span to eat it all at once.

Madison quotes:

“Ooh, that dress is tacky!” (As one would say, “Lovely!” proving that what I call “tacky” are things she most admires and that now she thinks it’s a synonym for beautiful.)

Madison: Do you know DW on Arthur?

Me: Yes, I think she’s kind of a brat.

Madison (thoughtfully): She’s not a brat, per se. It’s more that she gets very intense about people touching her stuff.

(Noah can’t stop quoting that — he thinks it’s hilarious.)

Upon looking out at a sudden and heavy rainstorm. “Wow, a cloud really broke out there!”

She’s become self-conscious lately and cannot STAND criticism from anyone besides her parents or Noah. Grandma, Pennie and her babysitter have all inadvertantly sent her into a sobbing crisis by suggesting she might perhaps not want to shove in line or could maybe clear her place at lunch.

“It’s embarrassing!” she says. “I feel like they’re yelling at me!”

Her recent art series was portraits of the family — Me, Noah, Peanut, Pennie and Tommy — as octopuses. (I looked that up; you can say octopuses or octopi, just so you know.) She’s also interested in writing letters and spent one happy afternoon playing school with her dolls and an easel. She is off and on about reading — picking out words and then losing interest. When she comes back to it after days away she’s always a little further along than the last time.

Her favorite toys are her dolls. Her baby dolls, her big girl dolls (Diosius and Kit) and her Barbies. She loves her Barbies to distraction, much to my dismay. She likes them best in the bathtub because she likes washing their “real” hair. She has only just begun disappearing into her room for long stretches of time to play house with all her babies and continues to enjoy making meals for all of us at her play kitchen, especially since we moved the wooden ‘fridge from the basement into her room.

Other favorite activities include: tap dancing on the basement’s cement floor, digging in the garden, standing on our front lawn to holler greetings to passer-bys, scootering on the driveway, playing with the trains on her map-like rubber mat, playing with the Fisher-Price little people and being at Noah’s beck and call. (In the evening he’ll get her to brush his hair with the good scratchy bristle brush while he reads out loud to her.)

She is really the brightest, shiniest thing around here and sometimes we three big people just sit on the front porch and admire her while she sings and dances in the frontyard.

(Thanks everyone for your comments on my last post! I’m just going to let myself struggle as I work to find a new normal and I’m going to try to give myself permission to talk about it here, especially knowing that I’m not the only one.)

Last night there were thunderstorms moving in and Daddy was out at a Clippers game. The combination of an unusually missing father and scary lightening had the kids nervous so we came down here to watch stuff on youtube. Madison has been listening to the Hairspray soundtrack (Broadway version, natch) pretty much nonstop so I was pulling up videos of that and also of Mr. Noodle, Mr. Noodle’s brother Mr. Noodle and Mr. Noodle’s sister Ms. Noodle since we were on Broadway stuff already. (Aside — I would LOVE to see Bill Irwin in Waiting for Godot. He’s starring right now with Nathan Lane and I hear tell that it’s amazing!)

Ok so we’re watching You Can’t Stop the Beat and Noah and I get to talking. There’s a whole subtext in the original musical (and in the original movie) that’s missing from the latest version, which has to do with being gay. See, John Travolta plays Edna Turnblad — a role created by two premiere drag queens — perfectly straight. He says so. He said, “The only real difference is I’m actually playing a woman versus drag.” And that’s the problem because Edna Turnblad isn’t a woman — she’s a drag queen. And that’s the subtext missing from this latest version — that it’s not only fabulous to be fat and fabulous to be black but it’s also fabulous to be gay.

There’s a lot of humor in the original movie and in the Broadway version that’s about you (the audience) knowing that Divine and Harvey are men and the rest of the cast playing it like they don’t know and this is gone from the movie. That knowing wink, that sly smile — it’s not there. And there’s a real joy missing, too. When Harvey sings in the finale:

You cant stop my happiness
‘Cause I like the way I am

So if you don’t like the way I look
Well, I just don’t give a damn!

He’s singing it as a gay man in drag and it’s moving — it’s really moving. It goes beyond a fat woman accepting herself — because you’ve already got Tracy modeling fat acceptance — and it turns into a song about not letting other people define your gender roles, which is some heavy stuff, right there. And for me? A lesson that’s hugely important within the value system of our family.

Of course there’s a terrible irony at play, too, which is that rumor (and just rumor) has it that John Travolta is gay and closeted. I have no idea if it’s true or not but it colors the role if you know that. Because if he is gay and closeted — and honestly I feel like as prevalent as that rumor is that it’s a big elephant in the room in every interview — then how he plays Edna is even worse and borders on tragic given his distaste for how she’s traditionally played.

“You can dress a guy on stage and do that joke where’s she’s like a refrigerator, but I don’t think that works as well on this level. You have to make it watchable,” says Travolta. To which I say, ummm, Travolta? Screw you. Because Divine and Harvey are plenty freakin’ watchable if you’re not, you know, totally homophobic.

In any case, John Travolta, whatever his sexuality, doesn’t get drag and he doesn’t get how it impacts the role. Says he of his Edna, “I was playing a woman. It’s not that I’m not entertained by drag. But I’m an actor. If I’m going to play a woman, let me play a woman. Don’t let me pretend to be, and wink, wink, I’m a guy under here.”

It’s not “wink, wink, I’m a guy under here,” it’s “wink wink, I’m a GAY guy under here.” Hairspray is supposed to be a great big laughing f*ck you to racism, misogynism and HETEROSEXISM. It’s actually a pretty subversive little show and it’s most subversive when it’s loud, offensive, campy and DRAG. You don’t cast Divine or Harvey Fierstein if you want to play the show straight because it’s not tradition for a man to play Edna — it’s tradition for a drag queen to play Edna and the difference ain’t actually all that subtle.

Anyway, I told Noah all of this and I think he gets it. I told him that they caved to pressure to cast a big star like John Travolta in a role he isn’t really made for and that it’s still a fun movie but it’s not true to the spirit of either of the originals.

I love drag. I love the way drag is a commentary on gender roles and sexuality and frankly, I want my kids to love it, too, or to at least get it. And they aren’t gonna get it if the only Edna Turnblad they know is Travolta’s.

Ok, here’s the original “Welcome to the 60s” (lousy quality because someone’s swiping it from the balcony — four minutes in gets you to Edna’s grand entrance) and here’s the Travolta version. Don’t let the better sound/video fool you.

Also, here’s the original (Tony’s version) — Harvey arrives 1 minute 50 seconds in — of “You Can’t Stop the Beat” and the Travolta version — he comes in at the 6 minutes 10 seconds mark. (Queen Latifah was inspired casting. Really my only quibble is Travolta and I wish the director — who is a gay man — was free to say what he really thought of it. I betcha John Waters thought the whole thing –given the rumors — was hilarious.) And truly — that grand finale? Is so much more exciting/effective when you’ve got the gay subtext.

And also, as an added bonus, the trailer to the original movie, which is hilarious. (For comparison’s sake, the latest trailer, which reminded me of the candlelight vigil screen, which I also didn’t like because it took the movie into a self-conscious seriousness that wasn’t right for the show.)

Edited to add: La Cage Aux Folles solo for another wonderful Broadway drag show with a nice message for all of us, seriously — “I am what I am, I am my own special creation… I am what I am and what I am needs no excuses.”

  1. The common but mistaken assumption that poverty is romantic. (Chosen poverty, the kind you can shrug off with little effort, sure. Poverty thrust upon you by circumstances? No.)
  2. How reading about the Nature vs. Nurture debate in Identical Strangers made me feel like I’m blessedly off the hook with both my kids, which will make it easier to be a good mom.
  3. About Madison saying, “We can say Tracy [in Hairspray] is fat because she’s not real, right?” and me saying, “No, we can say she’s fat because she IS fat” and the bumbling conversation that came out of THAT.
  4. How much I want to restructure Open Adoption Support and install new software but how my budget won’t stretch that far yet. And how I’m going to try to figure out a way to do it eventually.
  5. The way people think I’m techie and how NOT techie I am but what it is that makes me seem techie (hint: I’m not afraid of being an idiot but I’m afraid of looking like one so if I really want to do something, I’ll teach myself how to do it).
  6. Speaking of #5, how very aware I’ve been lately that the test I took that said I was equally right & left brained seems to play out and how it makes getting through life easier for me than someone who is all one or all the other.
  7. How incredibly exhausting extroverted 4-year olds are because of their need to explore one thing from several vantage points and include you in the discussion, which means Madison says, “Can I have orange juice?” and then goes on to say, “You bought the orange juice so I could have some? So I could have it in this glass? But I could have it in other glasses? And Noah can have some? You bought it for him, too? But you could have some, too? Except you don’t really like orange juice, right? Right? Right, mama? You don’t like it but you bought it for me and Noah at Kroger’s because we do like it? Right?” and on and on and ON.
  8. Why I am confused by crunchy-granola people who recycle everything but put their live xmas trees out on the curb instead of buying one old xmas tree from the thrift store and using it forever and ever and ever. (And don’t say it’s the lead in the fake trees because crunchy-granola recyclers were cutting down Christmas trees before we knew there was lead in the fake one.)
  9. Ok, I don’t really care about that last one but I was thinking about it while we put our (fake) tree up today.
  10. How coming to bed and seeing Madison asleep on my pillow wearing my jammie shirt so that she can smell me after I’ve read her a chapter, tucked her into bed and gone off to clean the kitchen just slays me. SLAYS ME.
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