Because I’m too busy for a real entry. Play along! Tag yourselves! Memes are good for you!

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?

– All of ‘em? I don’t know. My favorite bill is the grocery bill because it’s the one I have the most control over.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?

– Honestly any dinner out without kids is romantic. I don’t care if we’re at the drive through.

3. If you’re married or in a committed relationship, how long has it been?

– 20 years together/16 years married.

4. How many people do you cook for? Or does someone cook for you? Or are you the Carry-Out Queen? Do you sit down for dinner?

– There are four of us. We have take out one to two times a week (or eat out) and it’s rare that we don’t all sit down together.

5. What do you really want to be doing right now?

– Right this minute? Reading. But I’m waiting for a phone call and killing time here.

6. How many colleges did you attend?

– Two. Two years at OSU and three years at PSU.

7. Got any advanced degrees?

– Not yet. Check back in a couple of years.

8. How long have you been in your current job?

– 13 years stay at home parent. 11 years freelancing (more or less)

9. Do you have a “career,” or are you just paying the rent while you do more interesting things in your off time?

– Career.

10. IRA, 401(k), private pension, government pension, private savings, or cross your fingers?

–401(k), savings but mostly crossed fingers.

11. Children? Grandchildren? Nieces & nephews?

– Two kids. One niece (one niece-in-law). One nephew (one nephew-in-law). And then Roscoe is like a nephew in my mind.

13. Name one big mistake you’ve made in the past ten years.

– Can’t think of any. I can think of minor mistakes like not taking our Hyundai for a second opinion and trading it in for a minivan. But even that has been useful (having a van) so it kinda depends on how I’m feeling that day.

14. You will live to be 95. On your deathbed, you will experience a moment of perfect clarity, complete with total recall of your entire life. The current you can ask the 95-year-old you one question. What will it be? Be careful; what you do with your answer has the potential to change the future. And yeah, you can ask who’s going to win the Derby in 2023 if you want to, although personally I think that shows a lack of imagination and ambition.

– I wouldn’t want to know anything. I would rather be surprised.

15. What are your thoughts on gas prices?

– I want them to be low for personal reasons and high for environmental ones. Like I’d like it to be cost prohibitive to operate a Hummer but not my minivan. Because I am hypocritical.

16. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?

– “I wonder if that’s going to wake up Brett?” (it’s his alarm and he seemed to take an awful long time to shut the thing off this morning)

17. Last thought before going to sleep last night?

– Oh! I know how to change the code to make that site do that thing I want it to do! (or something like)

18. Do you miss being a child?

– Nope.

19. What errand/chore do you despise?

– Folding laundry.

20. Get up early or sleep in?

– I’d rather get up early but be well rested.

21. Have you found real love yet?

– But of course!

22. Favourite lunch meat?

– Is this an oxymoron? I guess roasted turkey.

23. Vacation: who goes with you, or do you fly solo?

– We all go.

24. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?

– No more than any other ritual.

25. Of all the people you’ve ever met, which one would you most like to face over the dinner table for the rest of your life?

– Brett!!!

26. How old is your current car? How old was the last one when you got rid of it?

– Umm, I think it’s a 2005? 2004? I don’t know. Or maybe that was our Hyundai? Honestly I don’t know these things because I don’t care.

27. Ever use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?

– No. And not for any other purpose either.

28. Somewhere in the world you’ve never been and would like to go?

– Oh gosh, a lot of places. Today let’s say Greece.

29. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?

– Career, which is why I’m willing to go to school but am not looking to leave Brett.

30. How old do you admit to being?

– The age I am.

43. Do you have a go to person?

– Brett again! And my mom.

44. Are you where you want to be in life?

– No, I never am. It’s the curse of the ambitious person.

45. What about you do you think has changed the most?

– I am more accepting.

46. Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life?

– Hell no. Perish the thought!

47. Are there times you still feel like a kid?

– No. But I have always felt like mySELF. I mean, I may never feel like a kid per se but I feel like the same person I was in a lot of ways.

48. Did you ever own troll dolls?

– Of course.

49. How old were you when you first read Flowers in the Attic?

– 13? I was just thinking about some of the books I read at 12 and 13 (Jerzy Kosinski’s Blind Date, for instance, and Red Dragon) that were wildly inappropriate. I can’t imagine Noah reading some of them now.

50. Where were you when Kennedy died?

I was a Hershey bar. In my father’s back pocket. <– love this!

51. Where were you when the Challenger exploded?

– I was in American History in 11th grade. The teacher turned on the television and then one of the kids said, “That’s what you get when you let a woman on a spaceship.”

52. Do you remember seeing any of the moon shots on television?

– Live? Ummm, no.

53. (For Americans) What’s the first presidential election you remember?

– Actual election? I remember when Jimmy Carter lost. I remember getting sick of the political ads on television.

54. (For Americans) What did you do that was special for the Bicentennial?

– We were living in California, which were kind of the salad days as far as my family went. And I remember all of the fire hydrants were painted like red white and blue people. Then we moved to Chicago in 1977 and there were no funny little fire hydrant people and I knew it had all been a terrible, terrible mistake.

55. Did you have a pager?

– No.

56. Where was the hang out spot when you were a teenager?

– Westland Mall.

57. Were you the type of kid you would want your children to hang out with?

– As a kid, sure. But I would have found me annoying (as an adult) because I was insecure, which made me a little bit of a braggart. I would not like either of my children dating me as a teen because I was miserable and dramatic and prone to temper tantrums and ultimatums.

… [A] recent survey found that the most severe hunger-related problems in the nation are in the South Bronx, long one of the country’s capitals of obesity. Experts say these are not parallel problems persisting in side-by-side neighborhoods, but plagues often seen in the same households, even the same person: the hungriest people in America today, statistically speaking, may well be not sickly skinny, but excessively fat.

via The South Bronx, Plagued by Obesity, Tops a Hunger Survey – NYTimes.com.

When I taught daycare there was a child in our class who was fat and who was always hungry. His mother, acting on the advice of their pediatrician, told us that he was not allowed seconds at lunch. He got one serving of the (mostly) balanced meal and one serving of the Goldfish crackers or raisins or cheerios at snack. One serving and that was it no matter how much he begged.

He was fat but he was hungry.

I remember one time when a substitute accidentally gave him seconds.

“Dawn, Dawn!” he called, his 3-year old face lighting up. “Look! I got more!”

Eventually I started babysitting for him in his own home and that’s when I realized why he was hungry.

There wasn’t much to eat in his house and what there was to eat was processed foods. Fruit snacks instead of fruit. Frozen meals with processed cheese food sauce instead of fresh vegetables. Packages of ramen. He was fat but he was probably also malnourished. His mom was so skinny that I bet she never ate (to save money maybe?) and judging from the ‘fridge and cupboards, her son was the focus of her grocery list since every happy-looking package was pasted up with kid-friendly slogans and graphics. No wonder he wanted seconds on our (not much better but at least USDA-approved) lunches at daycare!

I was only twenty and dumb and didn’t know I could do anything about this (like find some nutrition information to share with his mom) so I didn’t. But I thought of him later when I met fat clients at the shelter who were getting their meals from food banks (boxed dinners, canned spaghettio-s). And I also think of him when I hear about doctors taking a glance at a kid’s growth chart and advising, “Don’t let him eat seconds” instead of having the time and inclination to sit down and say, “Now what all do you folks eat in a regular day?”

  • Our family just joined Costco. First we had to make a trip to price out a bunch of items (writing down the price per ounce/pound/whatever) and then we came home and sat down to really think about it with the aid of old receipts and a calculator. Then I went back and we joined and I shopped. Yes, that’s two trips to Costco on a weekend, i.e., two trips into the mouth of hell. Seriously. Costco on a weekend is chaos to the nth degree only with samples. But on the products we buy a lot (popcorn, chicken breasts, brown rice to name a few) the prices are better than what we’re paying now and the quality is higher, too. (Organic brown rice! Multigrain unbleached flour for $.25/lb!) The key will be not splurging but I’m not a splurger. Give me a budget and I will wring every bit of value I can out of it.
  • Today Madison asked me if I thought she would marry a white man or a black man. I said I didn’t know, what did she think? She said she thought she might like to marry a black one. I said ok then. It was kind of a random conversation.
  • Speaking of random conversations about race, the other day Madison was asking about other people who we know and if they’re biracial. So we were naming biracial people. One of them is AmFam‘s daughter M. Madison knows two M’s and she calls one (who is blonde) White M and she calls AmFam’s M (who has brown hair) Black M. (Only with their names not their initials, natch.) Anyway, during the course of this biracial discussion she said, “Maybe I should call her, umm, Hispanic M instead of Black M because she isn’t Black.” Noah said, “She’s not Hispanic either; she’s Chinese, remember?” And Madison smacked her forehead like, “Oh yeah! That’s right!” Then we got to a friend who is biracial and is also adopted and Madison was surprised to hear that he’s adopted. “Oh he has a birth mama, too?” she said. “I wonder if his birth mama misses him like MY birth mama misses me.” I said without a doubt.
  • Then on Friday we were talking about inviting Pennie to something and I said I’d call her but then Madison said, “Umm, don’t you think you should check with me first?” I said, “I can invite Pennie to stuff without checking with you, can’t I? After all, she’s my friend!” and Madison said, “But she is my real mama so I get to invite her!” Then when we went to invite her Abby had already beat us to it. Dang that Abby!!!
  • The kids went to a harvest festival on Friday and each won a pumpkin. Every year I forget to get pumpkins and every year the kids don’t notice or don’t notice until way after Halloween when they remember they like roasted pumpkin seeds. I’m glad that this year the pumpkins were secured without my extra effort.
  • Today is the first day I feel normal and not exhausted. On the other hand, my neck is wrenched so I’m not entirely myself. But I’m more myself than I was yesterday. Honestly I think my life is just stressful enough that low-grade lousy is kind of a permanent feeling I’ve got. I was thinking about this driving home from Costco. I think I need to readjust my expectations so I’m not so unhappy and disappointed all the time because I can’t get everything done and I can’t get any time to myself, etc. etc. I think I’d be less frustrated if my standards were lower. I’m not giving up, mind you, I’m just giving in (for now). Or at least as much as I can. I’m tired of crying most every night and then having a great big breakdown most every weekend. I’m tired of trying to fight against the tide of my impossible life.
  • We’re heading over for Lucia’s birthday party in about twenty minutes (my niece turned five on Thursday!). Madison picked out a purple Barbie for her and a purple sparkly Barbie dress. She really wanted that dress for her own Barbies but she told me, “More than one person can like purple.” She was telling me that because yesterday she was believing quite the opposite and was so unhappy with everything that she could get Lucia and could NOT get herself that we left the store with her in tears and had a long discussion about generosity. Today’s trip to Target with Daddy was much more successful because she is able to do that self-talk. I said to her, “Remember how you talked yourself into not being afraid going across the bridge? You’re going to have to talk to yourself at the store about being generous for Lucia’s birthday.” And she did and she was (more generous). I’m proud of her. She even picked out a sparkly purple bag, which I’m sure she coveted for her own self.
  • Brett will not get to enjoy the party because Brett has to work. But he got to go on a jog this afternoon so he’s ok with that even if it means missing cake. So it all evens out.

(Inspired by AmFam)

Our food bill for the week averages out to about $125 (including eating out). Sometimes more, very often less. I can feed us for a week on $75 without difficulty and have been able to do it for fifty when the budget was tight last summer. I spent $175 last Sunday and that will get us to this next Saturday and the only reason it was that high to begin with is that we had dog food ($14), laundry detergent and dishwasher detergent and toothpaste and hairbands, otherwise it’d have been closer to $150 or less. I also bought a dozen loaves of bread and snacks at the Pepperidge Farm discount store so that was an extra $30 (we also got goldfish crackers and Mint Milanos).

Here’s how I do this:

  • I menu plan. I don’t understand how anyone grocery shops without a menu plan. I plan seven to eight meals, a general idea of lunch menus and one or two things I plan to bake for breakfasts or snacks.
  • I am flexible but firm when planning. I look ahead to my week so I know how much time I expect to have in the kitchen. If work/homeschool is looking busy, I need to take that into account. For example, Thursdays are crazy around here. I know we’ll be leaving in the morning and that when we get back will be unpredictable. Either that will be a pizza or Chipotle night or I need to do the crockpot. If  I’m going to do the crockpot, then I need to soak my beans on Tuesday or Wednesday. I rarely buy canned beans because I can get more for less if I soak and cook my own. I freeze the leftovers and there’s another dinner ready and waiting.
  • I can also meal plan on the fly at the store. If I show up and there’s something unexpected on sale, I have enough recipes memorized that I can set aside one of my planned meals and shop for a different one. (When I shop I have a list and on the side I also have a list of the meals/snacks I’m going to be making so I can keep track of what ingredients go with what.)
  • I add up the cost as I go through the store so I know how much we have to splurge on, say, string cheese or granola bars. There’s always room for splurging because what would life be like without that??
  • We don’t eat red meat. We do eat fish and poultry.
  • I keep a supply of staples on-hand that can let me create meals or snacks quickly and without much bother. This staple includes baking supplies, lentils, rice, oatmeal, maple syrup, eggs, cheese, pasta, onions, garlic, potatoes, canned tomatoes and frozen veggies. Stuff like that. So i can pretty much always make a batch of oatmeal cookies for a playdate or a fruit crumble for the pears no one is eating and are getting too soft. Also popcorn is a cheap, high-fiber snack that’s easy to make and pretty much everyone likes it (so it’s good for playdates, too). My mom recently bought us a Whirly-Pop and man, we use that thing ALL THE TIME. We love plain old popcorn but we also love caramel corn, which is a cinch to make on your stovetop.
  • We don’t eat organic (because we can’t afford it, obviously) but this budget includes some organics like when Madison wants YoBaby and the really good turkey sausage we all like. I would much rather be able to afford eating fully organic and think it’s worth the extra money but it’s not in our life right now so I wince and buy conventional.
  • I have learned to make something out of nothing. Our budget is low in part because I don’t always have time to shop. I try to shop Sundays (before I had a job it used to be Tuesdays). If I miss it, I don’t always know when I’ll get back out — it depends on work and homeschooling. So I’ve learned how to pull those staples out and make a good, nutritious meal. Meals like: Roasted potatoes with onions and garlic, Scrambled eggs with some cheddar and the left-over salsa; Pasta with butter and parmesan and frozen veggies; Rice with soysauce and frozen veggies,  Lentils with sauteed onions and garlic; French toast with the stale bread in the freezer. And then you can, as Julia says, bitch these things up. Like the left-over cream cheese? Put it between slices of bread for your french toast. Add some frozen blueberries for the kids who like it. That breakfast sausage your kid refused might be good with the roasted potatoes. True frugality means you use everything so look around and see what might be tucked away and ready to use.
  • I use my left-overs. I make meals in part to turn left-overs into lunches. For example, the meal I’m making tonight I’m making so that I have something to take in my lunch tomorrow. I also use the left-overs from recipes so if I’m buying chicken broth for one recipe then I make sure I’m going to have another recipe that uses the rest of the broth. I don’t let things go to waste. Heck, even left-over yogurt can be used in a muffin recipe. (It’s what I sometimes do with the kids’ half-eaten yogurts. Yes –it’s gross but then I only serve ‘em to the kids who left the half-eaten container in the ‘fridge anyway. Left-over yogurt also makes good homemade popsicles in the summer. And if the child is like Madison and prone to leaving many containers with just a few bites left, you can make them stripe-y and the child in question will happily eat the stuff she was refusing in its thawed state.)
  • I am not hard core about buying stuff on sale the way the true frugal hosuewives are but there are certain things I won’t buy unless they cost X. Brett will budge from this but I won’t. (I won’t pay more than two bucks a box for cereal, for example.)
  • I rely heavily on frozen veggies and frozen fruit. It doesn’t go bad, it can be used in a myriad of ways and it’s nutritious. (I especially love frozen fruit because the kids eat it alone as a snack, we can use it in smoothies if we’re running late and need a quick breakfast, I can use it baking and if I’m rushing dinner out to the table I can stir it into plain yogurt, add a little cinnamon and call it dessert.)
  • I weigh my time against my budget and make allowances. There’s a lot I make homemade because it’s easy and I like to do it. There are other things I know I could make but don’t think it’s worth the bother (pasta, crackers, and lately I haven’t wanted to roast a whole chicken so I’ve been buying broth).
  • The Pepperidge Farm store is my friend. I’m picky about bread (and again, here, I used to bake our bread every week but that’s not in the cards for me these days) and I buy whole wheat without high-fructose corn syrup or transfats and that stuff’s expensive. I can get stale-ish bread at Pepperidge Farm that’s just fine for PB&J and turkey sandwiches for much less than at the store. I can also buy goldfish crackers for about 1/3 of the grocery store price. I buy lots of boxes and dump ‘em out into big glass jars on our counter so the kids can scoop their own.

It takes a lot of planning but the planning has become second-nature. I keep an eye on our diet for the whole day so if the kids have, say, pancakes in the morning (just about every Wednesday I make pancakes or waffles because it’s Noah’s paper route day and it’s my way of sending him out into the wide, wide world well prepared) then I’m not going to make them pasta that night. Or if they have Mac & Cheese for lunch (as an aside, I do make boxed Mac & Cheese but I’ll buy extra macaroni pasta and add it to the box to double the pasta and make left-overs for the next day’s lunch) I’m going to fix something for dinner with more protein.

Sometimes I can stretch a  meal plan beyond it’s limit by sending Brett out for a mini grocery shopping. I’ll give him a list and a $25 budget and he’ll come back with stuff to get us to when I have time to do a major shopping. There’s a lot you can do with eggs, milk and a chunk of cheese if you have the right staples in your cupboard.

I didn’t realize how hard this was to do out of the gate until our grocery bill shot up while Brett was in charge. I grew into cooking for our family but early on in our marriage with children, I knew that one of my jobs if I was home with our kids was to make money by saving money. I took it seriously and read a lot about it. I have had to be flexible about my limits — both monetarily and time-wise. For awhile I kept blowing our budget because I wanted to pretend we would never get take-out and that I’d always make everything — even crackers — from scratch. It wasn’t realistic. (However those homemade crackers were delicious!)

Now this is all second nature to me. The routine is easy and I’m teaching it to the kids. Noah usually votes to skip out on shopping these days but I’m training Madison like I trained Noah. They help me menu plan, weigh in on what sounds good, check the cupboards for what we’re missing and they help shop. I teach them how to read shelf tags, explain when the sale isn’t really a deal and we read labels. I explain when cheaper isn’t better and when it is and they are learning to pick out decent produce. Noah’s become really good at shopping and I imagine Madison will, too.

I talk to them the whole time I’m shopping about what I’m doing. I think out loud while I’m there so they know why I’m scrapping the eggplant dish (no good eggplants) and how I’m going to replace it. They also help scan at the self checkout and then unload the groceries. My kids? They have a lot of ownership about feeding the family because they participate in it. They don’t always want to eat what I cook (the big one is the picky one) but the saving money part is a game they want to win.

Further, they know how to wrap up their sandwiches for a snack later and Madison has learned how to scrape her left-0ver yogurt into a popsicle mold. Madison — like Noah before her — helps make the pancakes, waffles, muffins, etc. (As an aside? Left-over waffles on Wednesdays are Noah’s favorite afternoon snack.)

Probably they will grow up and want to eat out every single night and never, ever enter a grocery store or making any darn thing from scratch but at least they’ll be able to feed their families decently and within budget if they have to.

I haven’t been online at all today. I woke up at 9:30 (!!!) thanks to the Nyquil and was out the door with the kids by 11:30. I dropped them at Abby’s and hit a meeting with a great client. I love this client — she’s smart, she’s funny and she’s good to her people. (I know this because I’ve been working with someone else on her team to help get this going.) Then back to Abby‘s to get Madison and out to dinner and quick shopping then over to breakdancing to watch Noah spin on his head. Now I’m waiting for Abby to come over and pick me up so we can go watch Pennie sing. I’m going to try to get video.

In short — no time to blog! 

I can’t wait to hear Pennie sing tonight!! Actually she might just be rapping. She raps this song. I don’t know if she’s performing any others. In preparation, I’m drinking Vanilla Coke. (Hmm, watching the video, I had no idea Digable Planets were so good looking. Sheesh!) Anyway, if I get video, I’ll ask Pennie if it’s cool to post it. We’re seeing her Sunday, too, for a trip to see Santa. BLACK Santa, Madison will have you know. She’s been very anxious to see BLACK Santa and we were on a mad hunt to find him. We missed Kente Claus at the King Arts Complex but then my friend Katawi saved the day by sending me a flyer about the Book Suite‘s Santa event! 

See, Madison found a picture of Santa in a book where Santa looked African American (it was the way it was printed — it was a Raggedy Andy book and I guarantee that Santa was meant to be white) and she was so excited. So I took it upon myself to find a BLACK Santa (that’s how she says it). Then Pennie and I spent a few zillion hours yesteday on the phone trying to coordinate schedules so she could come, too.

Angel from Sarah's AtticAbby came through for me, too, by securing a bunch of Sarah’s Attic African American angel figurines for Maddie. When Noah was this age, I’d occasionally pick up little animal figurines at the thrift store because he loved animals and he liked “decorating” his room with them. Madison isn’t so much about animals — she likes people. But I don’t want to get her a bunch of white people. I mean, she has some white figurines she got from my mom (although she’s played with them in her dollhouse and they’re worse for the wear) and I never see black figurines at the thrift store. I mentioned this to Abby and she said that these Sarah’s Attic figurines are made by a woman she knows in Chesaning where she’s from. She said she’d hook us up. And she did. I can’t wait for Madison to open them! I thought about doling ‘em out for Hanukkah or give her one big grand box full at Christmas!

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