this woman’s work

One writer friend of mine is inviting all the writers she knows for a happy hour at her house. So I grabbed a couple of my writer friends (one of whom already knows this writer) so we can all go together.

I don’t know how much writing we’ll talk but it’ll be good to hang with each other and start thinking about how I can smush my writing into in my messy, busy, ridiculous everyday life.

I looked over my chapter outline for my hasn’t-been-touched-for-days book proposal and just hated the hell out of it. I slapped my head and asked myself what in the HELL I was thinking so now I want to rethink it. But there’s a lot I want to do and I feel disconnected from it all.

But writers! Peer pressure can be a Very Good Thing so I’m especially looking forward to tonight even though it is COLD out there and staying home in my jammies sounds appealing too.

I’m not writing lately. I had a minor breakdown about it yesterday (to Brett’s exhausted distress). But there isn’t any time. Between work and life (you know, feeding and clothing and otherwise making sure people are able to walk around upright) there really isn’t time. Or space in my head.

• Our cable is gone so I’m not watching television.
• The election is over so I’m not obsessed with political blogs.
• I AM trying to get back with my exercise routine but I figure that’s not negotiable seeing as how if I drop dead from a heart attack there won’t be any writing anyway so I probably should try to get and then stay fit.
• I’m neglecting the kids about as much as I feel comfortable with in order to get the work and working out done.

Oh I don’t want to do this — list the reasons I haven’t been writing. I wanted to whine about NOT writing. Because I’m not. And I’m frustrated.

Here’s the more positive part of it — I’m back in touch with some of my writing friends who went missing when their own busy lives took over and I’m meeting some new ones. I’ve got a writers event to go to on Wednesday (thank you Lia!), which I’m really looking forward to and hopefully the peer pressure will do me good.

For me, a lot of writing is a head game. I can find time even when there isn’t any when I have time to think. I’ve been jacking up my work efforts so much that all writing thoughts tumbled right out of my mind. Brett says I should pull back on the networking/marketing a little bit and focus on writing but damn, it’s hard to do. I get worried that I won’t be able to make my financial goals and the holidays are staring at me with their greedy little eyes. (Not to mention Noah’s birthday just a month after.)

Oh me of little faith!!

1. I have a wicked bad hormonal headache. I hope starting out in grouchy pain doesn’t cast a pall on the rest of my year!

2. My mom and my aunt are coming over for honeycake later. But we don’t have the car so no shofar for us. (Brett got a new-to-us car in what we’ve deemed a signing bonus. There are many advantages to going to work for a friend! But he doesn’t have the tags for it yet so we’re still acting as a 1-car family.)

3. Pennie is coming over tomorrow to see Madison’s very loose tooth! Yes, Madison is only four. We’re shocked, too.

4. Speaking of Madison and Pennie … the other day Madison and I were in the grocery store where there was a truly scary rubber animatronic witch with lit up eyes. (At the Westerville Kroger’s for you locals.) Noah would have had to leave the store IMMEDIATELY if he saw that at four but Madison was fascinated. I asked her if she thought it was scary and she said, “No, funny.” Then she wanted to touch it. Pennie is a huge fan of horror movies like Saw and The Hills Have Eyes (I can’t even look at those posters!) and also thinks they’re funny. Who knew horror appreciation was genetic?

5. I let the kids decorate for Halloween even though I usually make ‘em wait ’til October 1st but my head is killing me and I wanted some coffee and I wanted to drink it in peace. They did a bang up job of it, too.

6. I’m trying to dig out of the morass of undone housework due to Brett being home for that year. See, we thought he’d be a better housekeeper than I am but it turns out that he’s a surface cleaner. He doesn’t know that you also have to periodically clean from the inside out so I’m upending drawers, digging through closets and clearing off the top of the refrigerator.

7. I also went through the kids’ winter clothes and we will need to hit the thrift stores hard for both of them. I haven’t had Noah try his winter coat on yet but I think Madison is covered there thanks to Abby.

8. I’m caught up on work, which is a nice feeling. The article that was giving me fits source-wise went to bed and I really enjoyed writing it. I realize I’m most happiest when I can mix marketing communications with consumer stuff. Now if I can just figure out when to fit in creative nonfiction…

9. I’ve kept up with my exercise routine for over a month now. I’m definitely getting stronger and have lost a very little — and I mean LITTLE — weight. It’s going to be a long road to my fit by forty goals but it’d be an even longer road if I waited ’til fifty so I’m sucking it up. I love to exercise although you wouldn’t believe it just by looking at me. I also love to eat, which wouldn’t surprise you one bit.

10. To establish an exercise routine I can stick to I need: ease (no elaborate rituals, no weird schedules, no reliance on other people), privacy (no classes, no companions, no nosy trainers) and a decent soundtrack. One thing that surprised me about my mom’s trainer is that it feels like I’m moving in a smaller range than with the other but I think it must also be more focused because I’m really feeling changes in my back, especially my neck and shoulders. I get very sore but I’m also hurting a lot less from my whiplash (once I get past the lactic acid days) so the soreness is worth it. I haven’t really had a bad neck day since I started. Plus my mood? Not as psychotic.

11. I work out in the mornings while channel 34.1 (PBS) is showing kids’ shows. Madison watches ‘em while I sweat and Noah usually sleeps in. If he’s up, he’s doing his school work. A good time is had by all. (And today a better time than was intended because a quick glance at my browser’s history shows that Noah was on Neopets instead of Study Island. Busted!)

12. I want to think about buying a used piano for the kids’ big xmas present. I know Madison would like it and Noah might, too. But I don’t know anything about used piano buying. Anyone have advice to share?

We spent about six hours there yesterday, mostly people-watching and looking for bare-breasted women. I told Kristen and Abby that it’s like a grown-up version of Where’s Waldo. Kristen was there in part as an official photographer for the event and she was looking for folks who accurately illustrated the spirit of ComFest and topless women with painted breasts certainly fall into that category.

We stopped by Amy’s booth, which was looking gorgeous with lots of little (and bigger) pretties. Although she was fully-clothed, she was also a grand example of the spirit of ComFest being joyful and welcoming and ready with hugs.

I’m feeling absolutely exhausted today. I saw on Abby’s twitter that she got up and did all sorts of fun, active things, which I find astonishing because, seriously, I am hammered. All those people! All those crowds! I couldn’t stop scanning them — too much information coming into my addled brain. I just start to shut down and it wears me the heck out. But I sent Noah out to pick me up a Diet Coke because I’m going out with Leslie tonight to join the celebration for a friend who just got her MFA in creative nonfiction. Go Lia!!

I always think (and dread) that I’ll run into someone from my former life as a self-centered, pseudo punk rock teen at ComFest and you know what? These last two times I’ve gone I haven’t. It’s gotten so big that it’s impossible to see everyone there (it used to be that it was impossible to avoid anyone there) so I not only didn’t see people I wanted to avoid, I also didn’t see people I wanted to see. Rats.

Although I don’t know if Lisa Mirman made her annual trip up from New Orleans this year so maybe I missed her ‘cuz she wasn’t here. Ack! I miss her!! Must go dig up her email now.

I’ve been on the hunt for an agent but not talking about it here because I didn’t think any agent would appreciate being live-blogged but I’m going to go ahead and talk about it now.

I got the names of several agents through editor/writer friends and decided to just run through the list. I’ve made it through four now and think I’ll stop. This was the feedback:

• First agent had no comment about the proposal but said a couple of snide things about open adoption. Obviously she passed on the project.
• Second agent LOVED the project, thought it was terrific but also thought it would end up on parenting shelves and this is not really what he represents. He was very encouraging and gave me the names of four other agents who have represented complementary projects. Note: these weren’t referrals but still, his response made me happy.
• Third agent sent a form rejection.
• Fourth agent wrote me several times over the course of the last month or so expressing excitement over the project and letting me know that it’d gotten over each hurdle. Last response came on Monday: they really love the proposal and think it has legs. BUT. It’s a memoir. They think I need to write the whole book before they can pitch it. If I’m willing to do that, I should get back to them. (In other words, there’s no guarantee that writing the whole book will get them as my agent but it will help.)

And this is probably true. I probably do need to write the whole book. Yes, people get book deals on a narrative, memoir-ish book without writing the whole book first but it’s a harder sell.

I’m processing this need to write the whole book. I was wringing my hands about it when I got the letter. (Ok, actually I was crying.) I don’t exactly have a lot of spare time to write a book because of this whole need to pay the bills thing but then who does? I know a lot of writers and most of them are writing books they don’t have time to write. I mean, it’s not impossible. And it might be fun. So I’m feeling better about it.

I figure I’ll work on the book and maybe look for markets to place some of the chapters as I go. I’m thinking smaller lit magazines to cement a stronger creative nonfiction reputation. I want a respectable career that lasts. I can always make money writing about socks for fashion purveyors so I’m less worried about trying to make money in my creative writing life. Yes, it’d be nice but for the kind of career I want, it’s not really about money.

I thought about going to the next name on the list of agents I’ve still got sitting here but I’m going to try this on now. I’m going to try writing some more. It makes me alternately excited and exhausted to think about it. I’ll let you know how it goes.

I love logic problems. I used to buy those books when I was a kid because I loved them so much. “Carrie has a blue dress. The person in the green dress wore yellow sandals. What color was Elaine’s hat?” Mmm, good times!

I think writing is a lot like that. For marketing writing I go to my client and they say, “We’re going with urgency here and we have an image of a snake.” So then I sit at my laptop, thesaurus at the ready, and brainstorm. Urgency. Danger. Fear. Blah blah blah. Then I type up, “Don’t wait for danger to strike! Act now and secure your safety!” I send it to my client. He says, “Mmm, too scary. Urgency without fear.” And back I go to write up, “Be prepared. Act now before something really awful happens.” Etc. etc.

Sometimes I have to write something wrong before I can know how to get it right because maybe my client doesn’t know what he wants until he sees what he doesn’t want.

Creative nonfiction is really similar in some ways. I was telling Brett that one of the things I like about it is that you only have the truth to work with — you can’t make something up — but you have too choose which truths to share and how to share them to give a broader, more subjective truth. So if I’m writing about the frustrations of motherhood, I’m not going to share the same stories as I might if I were writing about nostalgia for my kids early years. You could read one and see a disatisfied mom or read the other and see a total maternal figure and they would both be true even if they seem contradictory.

The more complicated, more nuanced a topic is then the harder and more fun it is to write because then there’s room to shade stories with a little paradox but again, it takes artistry to know what to leave out and put in and how to highlight something without taking attention away from your central theme, etc.

I love writing. (happy sigh)

I met this great woman today for coffee. A friend introduced us because we both write creative nonfiction.

My New Friend is getting her MFA through a low residency program and I was picking her brain about it because I NEED to double my student loan debt with a degree that will not in anyway enhance my salary earning capacity! Why do I want to do this? So I have an excuse to write!!

I’m not writing much right now. Oh sure, I put my fingers on the keyboard and type stuff (like now, for example). I type: emails, instructions, reports, brochures, landing pages, web alerts, etc. etc. What I’m not writing these days are essays or really much with the blog, which you all already know. But I haven’t written anything lately because I’m still kinda hung over from finishing my proposal (and I’m purposefully not blogging the whole getting-an-agent process but that’s what’s happening right now) and I’ve been so busy with work work work that CREATIVE work has taken a hit.

I was listening to my New Friend talk about people editing her stuff and it sounds so lovely! Because I do adore a good go-through with a smart editor!! I need a reason to write these days. A goal. Not a justification — because I can always justify doing things I enjoy, thus the 20 minutes I spent trying to beat my score on Tumblebugs before my phone interview — but a motivator.

I need to shake off my post-proposal lethargy and get onto something else but my head is so full of work right now that I haven’t been able to do it yet. Soon maybe.

Talking to my New Friend helped.