this woman’s work

My husband and I adopted our daughter Madison through Adoption by Gentle Care here in Columbus OH. While we haven’t been to any of the family picnics, we have stayed in touch with our social worker (she also regularly reads my blog and I love her).

Recently our social worker and one of the other adoptive family social workers contacted me for help. Gentle Care has been around since 1985, which means that children adopted through their agency are now adults and they’re starting to call and ask how to find their first families.

Ohio law hinders the agency’s ability to share information but they still want to help families reunite. They came to me to ask if Open Adoption Support could help. Of course I said I’d love to.

I’ve created a private group for families who sought services through Gentle Care and are now seeking their children/parents. Gentle Care will refer folks who contact them to the group and they will be able to post on a private forum to find each other.

I am happy to create similar groups for other agencies. How it works is that when people join, they can contact me if they wanted added to a specific reunion group. They can then share specific contact info in that private forum. I am happy to work with agencies/lawyers who are willing to facilitate reunions but are hindered by state laws and are looking for a legal workaround that will allow them to keep their license while offering reunion services to their former clients.

The software that runs this site is sometimes buggy (as members know!) so if there are any problems making these reunion groups work, please let me know! I’ll do my best to fix things up!!! Meanwhile, please let your agencies/attorneys know that Open Adoption Support is happy to host reunion groups! The more families who find each other, the better!!

[cross-posted at OAS]

This is something I just learned.

Let’s say you’re an adoptee born in the no-man’s land between 1964 and 1996. (When “Adoption Records are Sealed and Only Opened by a Court Order” thanks to H.B. 84.) Let’s say you contact the adoption professional who oversaw your adoption and give him/her written permission to share your identifying information with your first parents. Let’s say that your first parents have also met with this adoption professional and have also given him/her written permission to share their identifying information with you. Can the adoption professional share said information now that s/he has the two signed release of information documents? No. No.

Your consent doesn’t matter because it’s all about the court order.

Some of the arguments I’ve heard about not opening records is that it wouldn’t be fair to the people at the other end of the search (I don’t buy this but there — that’s one of the arguments). But in Ohio, the government is so worried about “protecting” people separated by adoption that even when everyone WANTS to find each other, Ohio says no.

Now the adoption professional certainly could blow off the law and hand the info over but then said adoption professional is at risk of getting his/her license revoked if someone gets angry at them for breaking the law. Given how emotional adoption discussion tends to be, it’s not beyond comprehension that some angry person might get said professional in trouble if they got wind of these mututal consent reunions.

So you get a court order, right? Or at least you try. Only if you talk to adoptees who have tried to get court orders, they will tell you about judges who say, “I’m holding your original birth certificate right here and I’m not giving it to you. Do you know why? Because you have no right to betray your real parents like this.” Or they say, “You should be grateful that you’ve had a home with loving parents and you should let the past lie.” (I know — it’s insane but it’s true. It all depends on what judge you get.)*

Anyway, I just learned this (I thought mutual written consent superceded the law) and thought I’d share.

*If your first parent or a biological sibling also goes to the court then the two of you might be able to hook up. But you can’t just hook up in your old lawyer’s office unless s/he wants to risk their law license.

When Kelsey Cartwright’s father wanted to learn about his biological parents, he learned the papers that would tell him who had put him up for adoption were sealed from his eyes.

“We worked for a few years to get it open,” Cartwright said Sunday, a day after being crowned Miss Oklahoma at the 36th annual scholarship pageant in Tulsa.
Cartwright said she will use her father’s experience during her yearlong reign as she promotes open adoptions during appearances at schools and before civic groups across the state.

Cartwright, the 20-year-old daughter of William and Kelli Cartwright, said her father’s search for his past was confusing and frustrating.

“You never know what to do next,” said Cartwright, of Collinsville. Oklahoma has closed adoption laws and procedural and legal barriers keep adoption records sealed — even from adopted individuals who want to know the truth about their biological parents and their own heritage, she said.

“You’re stuck with that. But there are steps you can take to get your file open,” Cartwright said.

Read more here.

I’m not much for beauty pageants but this year I’m rooting for Miss Oklahoma.