When Brett and I were first talking about the adoption, we were really worried about money. We weren’t sure if we made enough to get approved and we weren’t sure if we could pay the fees and we weren’t sure if we had any business adopting a baby with such a tight budget. Brett said, “If it’s meant to happen, it will all fall into place.”

Lo and behold, some few months later everything is falling into place.

My mother-in-law believes that if you’re meant to do something, it will be easy to do. She thinks that if the way is hard, then it’s the wrong way. I personally don’t believe this. I think that working hard brings satisfaction and I believe that we are supposed to make hishtadlus (effort) toward bringing the things we want to us or “to create a vessel for God’s blessing, which we then supplement with bitachon (trust) and emuna (faith) that God will help us.” The trust and faith are hard to come by because I don’t know why God should help me when there are so many other people who suffer so much more. I don’t understand this.

I’m trying to be more grateful and less guilty for the things that I have. I hold on to guilt sometimes, as if feeling rotten is somehow more responsible than feeling grateful. I worry about getting too complacent in my own comfort.

I read this article about Courtney Cox once for some “luxury” issue of a celebrity magazine. She was talking about all of these ridiculous things she buys with her massive wealth, going on and on about clothes and personal servants and her gourmet kitchen with a professional chef to complete it. At the end the interviewer asked her if she feels guilty for having so much when there are many, many people struggling just to get by. She said something like, “Well, I’m rich and that’s because the universe had that in its plan for me and I don’t feel bad because I know the universe has a plan for everybody. If someone’s poor, that’s the way it’s supposed to be.” (I don’t remember the exact quote so take it with a grain of salt.)

Gross, eh? If I ever start spouting nonsense like that, kick me, would you?

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