My friend Paige worked in early intervention for some years before she became a mom herself. Her previous life is making this one uniquely hellish. Why? Because at every playdate, park romp, or friendly neighborhood potluck she can’t help but notice which kids might need a little extra help. She ends up in this dilemma: Does she (uninvited) tell a mom that her child could use an evaluation? Or does she keep her mouth shut and hope that with careful hints she might help the mom come to that conclusion herself? Or does she say nothing at all and hope the child’s pediatrician figures it out?

MizAmericanFamily and I have already signed Paige up to keep an eye on our own kids because we know these things are easy to miss. I’m always abusing Paige’s professional know-how anyway and because she’s kind and generous, she doesn’t seem to mind. (Today I got tips on how to break Madison of her awful toddler throwing habit sooner than later. The best one? Keep balls handy so when Madison get’s the tossing urge we can substitute a nice, soft ball for the bowl full of cheerios she was about to fling.)

Inspired by my delightful friend Paige, here are some tips on knowing when to get a developmental evaluation for your kid:

1. If you think something’s wrong then put your mind at ease: Go ahead and have it checked out. To that end, while I’m not recommending you become a slave to developmental charts, having a rough idea of what to expect when can help you keep an eye on how your child is progressing.

2. Since charts are based on averages it’s natural that some children will come to a task later than others. Paige tells me that a good indication that there’s something wrong is when the child him or herself is expressing frustration or unhappiness. In other words, if your late talker is unhappy because she can’t communicate with you then this is an indication that her late talking may be a problem.

3. Keep in mind your child’s prenatal history or (if an adoption sometime after birth) his or her care history before coming to your home. No, a child with a history of XY or Z is not guaranteed a certain outcome but risk factors are risk factors. If your child has a specific health history that potentially could impact his or her development, read up on the possible outcomes. I know this is easy to avoid because it’s scary. (I know.) But education is empowering.

4. Don’t rely solely on your pediatrician to bring it up. Lately doctors don’t have the time to fully evaluate the kids they see and sometimes they miss warning signs. If you’re concerned, talk to your doc but if he or she isn’t respectful or is too rushed to follow up, don’t assume your concerns aren’t valid. You can always contact your state’s early intervention program yourself and see about getting a developmental screening.

5. Don’t get caught up in the great label debate. Sometimes (especially on homeschooling lists but I digress) parents will argue about whether or not it hurts a child to get a label at an early age. While the labels themselves might be worth debating, the services that can come with some labels are not. Depending on an individual child’s challenges, early intervention can make the difference between surviving and thriving. As a family you will need to figure out which services and which service providers will best meet your child’s needs but you — and your child — should have the option. Getting your child evaluated and exploring ways to address his or her unique challenges is a positive step forward. And if your child is evaluated and everything’s fine, you can sleep easier.

6. Do-it-yourself has its limits. Some people figure if they get enough books out of the library that they can handle the intervention themselves. That’s not true. Paige herself has a child with special needs and she got early intervention from other people for him. Even though she had a head start on recognizing her son’s challenges, she still valued the input and support from other professionals. She says she understands that sometimes it’s hard for parents to recognize the need to ask for that help but she wants you all to know, it’s worth it.

Resources about early intervention:
–First Signs helps parents and educators learn more about early intervention and how to access state services. Their web site has loads of information including a helpful section about concerns — with a list of red flags and tips on broaching the subject.
–Easter Seals has a list of common early warning signs of motor problems.
–The American Academy of Pediatrics links to research about early intervention services.
–An overview of what constitutes a developmental delay
–ZeroToThree.org tells you what to expect in a developmental assessment

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