The same and different
I was telling some people yesterday that I always thought I was an enormously patient mother and then I had Madison.
Noah was a different kind of hard as a toddler. He was quieter, never put anything in his mouth. He would play with tiny toys (like little rubber pigs that my sister gave him) by patiently lining them up and then he’d hum while he pushed them around. He was needy and clingy but that made playdates easier. He was happy to watch from the comfort and safety of my lap as the toddlers got into “mine!” disputes.
Madison is more roly-poly rambunctious. She puts everything in her mouth, she runs and screams, she has the attention span of a gnat (or a toddler). She’s in the middle of every fuss at playdates — she’s the cause of most of them. But as Becca promised, while she is turning my hair grey swiftly, she’s also doing a pretty good job of contributing to my laugh lines. I guess the rise in my blood pressure is a fair trade off for all the joy she brings.
I’m thinking that she may not be as all-out extroverted as I thought. Don’t get me wrong, she love love LOVES people. She’ll invite herself to any picnic, trot over to greet any stranger but she also gets strung out and weepy after a day of too much fun. And while she’s more independent than Noah in some ways (less likely to check my whereabouts when we’re playing somewhere) she is also more generous with her love and affection.
Definitely things were easier with Noah at this age but I think it wasn’t just him. It was also my life — no obligations beyond day-to-day mothering — and our apartment — too small for him to get into any trouble. I don’t spend my days gazing at Madison the way I spent them with Noah and that’s both easier (no more microscopie infatuation) and harder (I lose track of everything all the time). Mostly it’s all good. It’s nice to do it this way; it was nice to do it the other way.
And now the things that are the same.
Both were early walkers so I’ve never had an easy crawling age with either of my kids. Noah also had a decent vocabulary at this age although it wasn’t quite as good as hers. Both love books. Both are stubborn. Both are prone to the patent toddler glare and tantrum — although Madison’s glare is more severe and Noah’s tantrums were more intense. Madison bites and throws and Noah didn’t but he hit more. Both love music and both can be jollied out of bad moods if Brett or I sing to them. And like toddlers everywhere, both of them loved to dance — Noah was always serious and glowering when he danced, very focused. Madison is laughing and stomping when she dances.
At this age Noah acquiesced with a succint, “Ah do.” (We think it was a variation on “I do” as in, “Do you want a cookie?” that he started to use for “yes.”) Madison’s responses are more diverse, “OK,” “Yeah,” and my favorite, “Shzo,” which is “sure.” Noah said “no” with a curt, “No way” but Madison sticks with the tried and true, “NO!” shouted emphatically.
Noah had no favorite toy as a toddler. He flirted with his beanie-sized Tigger but mostly he rejected the whole idea of a transitional object. Madison has three blankies, which I rotate and wash continuously so that none becomes THE irreplaceable favorite.
At 18 months, Noah weighed maybe 20 pounds soaking wet. Madison is firmly at thrity and has been for some months.
Ummm, let’s see. What else?
Noah’s favorite foods (besides breastmilk) as a toddler was goat cheese, tofu, peas and goldfish crackers. Madison’s are way too many to name but grapes definitely tops her list.
I wanted to show a pic of each of them at the same age but don’t have any toddler Noah on this computer. My mom is going to try to send me one so I’ll update later if she does.
I love this entry– one thing about having twins is that I really see that some of how my kids are is definitely connected to how we have tried to parent them– but that a LOT is connected to their own personalities, which can be as different as night and day. Sometimes I find myself inwardly snickering when I hear a parent of an only child attributing their child’s wonderful/easy behavior to their amazing parenting– but I keep it on the inside, so not to judge too harshly.
it’s also nice to hear someone else talk about how your life circumstances really affect how you parent your kids, without beating yourself up about it too much, just acknowledging the impact and thinking about it carefully.
I am beginning to think that if your daughter and mine were ever in the same room, the time-space continuum would collapse in on itself from all the concentrated effervescence in one place. Fair warning.