Nat’s future mama is getting a leg up on worrying, which personally I totally identify with. She’s talking about the pros and cons of homeschooling and since I agree with her pros, I’m just gonna comment on her cons.

Pro: We can more easily control Nat’s contact with potential homophobes/racists.
Con: Nat needs to learn how to deal with homophobes and racists.

Sadly, homophobes and racists exist in the homeschooling world as well although I am fortunate to not have to hang with them. And then there are all the homophobes and racists at the grocery store, the library and various special events. I do agree that our kids need to deal with that and that those of us whose kids are living in a minority — of race or family structure — will definitely need to learn coping tools. I think that it’s important, however, not to load too much on a little kid.

My thinking is that Madison needs safety while she’s small and learning about herself and then that as she gets older, she will naturally — and unfortunately — have more opportunities to discover that people will think less of her due to her race and gender. With homeschooling, the majority of her time will be spent in a safe environment, which will give her the space and support she needs to process those inevitable events.

There’s this belief that homeschooled kids are hothouse flowers and while that may be true for some, I think that it’s more like the way you start seeds in the greenhouse and then move them when they’re strong enough to take root. (I don’t garden so forgive me if the metaphor isn’t working.) Moving them too soon at best stunts their growth and at worst destroys them.

Many of us have had bad teachers and survived but we have the scars from it. School is all encompassing and one mean kid in the lunchroom or one nasty remark from a teacher can ruin a whole year for a child. I personally didn’t grow stronger from dealing with Mrs. Hoefler in 6th grade — I just figured out how to get depressed.

See, there are a lot of people who argue against homeschooling by saying that kids need to learn to live in the real world. My response is that I don’t think school is the real world. It’s abnormal to hang in an age-segregated environment led by a singular person who is in complete control of that environment.

Pro: Similarly, we can teach Nat our own ideas and beliefs about the world–things they pretty much don’t teach in most schools, like values that really prioritize people and human relationships over profits and productivity etc.
Con: I myself learned a lot about how to think in contrary ways by being exposed to ways I didn’t agree with, or ways that contradicted the basic values of my family.

This is a really good point. However, I think that kids can get this by reading outside of their family values (ironically Sonlight Christian curriculum, which is pretty conservative, also argues that children need to do this), spending time with or around people who are dissimilar, and heck, if you really need exposure to the far right, you can always listen to talk radio.

Also, our universe includes a lot of people who agree with us on one thing — like our religious community at temple — and disagree with us on other things — like our religious community at temple. We get our needs met by having different kinds of people in our life and so while we only hang with folks who share our core values about -isms, we have a lot of friends and acquaintances who do things really differently.

Pro: We live in a learning-rich environment. No dearth of books, or libraries or computers or smart people who know all kinds of stuff. Nat will (whether Nat goes to school or not) learn a LOT at home.
Con: My own prejudices and likes and dislikes will certainly steer our learning in certain ways and tend to avoid others (oh, algebra, for example).

This is why it’s important to find mentors who can teach the things we can’t teach. This can be hard for some people because of location constraints. I think it’ll be pretty easy in Columbus — has been so far — because we have a strong homeschool support system here and also several universities (including OSU) around. I’d say that Nate’s parents will have an easy time of this, too, ‘cuz they’re both academics. In fact, I totally envy Nate. S/he’s gonna be one lucky kid.

Pro: I am sure we can find wonderful socializing opportunities without going to a school–playgroups, sports teams, art and music lessons, camps, church, etc. etc. etc.
Con: What if Nat wants/needs a space and community away from ME? Something just all her/his own, even secret or at least very much within her/his own control?

Again this is totally possible in homeschooling. Noah has a variety of social groups, which change as his interests change (he’s made different friends at soccer, at chess, at homeschool gym, at various one-shot activities, not to mention his regularly scheduled playdates). Even if I hang at those events — ‘cuz if they last an hour, I won’t bother to drive home — I’m talking to the other parents. Noah gets a lot of freedom to do his thing. I anticipate that this will increase as he gets older.

Home Fear: What if the only other homeschoolers we meet (or homeschooling supports we find) turn out to be right-wing Christians who are homeschooling for reasons very different from ours? It would be one thing if we weren’t a queer family, (I can respectfully disagree with people) but seeing as we are, this could cause serious problems.
School Fear: What if we never live in a place that offers the kind of school we really would like Nat to go to? What if we move, find that school and really can’t afford it?

I can’t speak to this because 1) we’re not a queer family; and 2) if we were, I hear that Columbus would be a safe place to be out and about and homeschooling. But I know that lack of a supportive homeschooling social system has sent more than one kid to school and it’s a legitimate concern. I think about this when we contemplate moving to a more rural area — as a Jewish feminist and with Madison here, I don’t think we could do right by our family out in the boonies. Rats. Sometimes the boonies sound pretty good.

I totally relate to what Shannon says about finding the perfect school, too. I want to have options so that as Noah and Madison get older, we have school as a choice. My decision to homeschool them is appropriate now but I think they both have the right to go to school at some point if they want to. Unfortunately I don’t think there are any good schools for us here. Maybe for high school there are a couple but middle school? Absolutely NOT.

I’m happy with our decision right now but I’d like to feel that we have more flexibility than we do.

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