Lemons and Making Lemonade
I found another beautifully written blog the other day. a*biz*mal is just wonderful. I think she’s a terrific writer so now I have a crush on her. Check it out! Also, I added a way to link to each entry because I realized that might make things easier for people.
Today I’m putting a happy twist on things that might be construed as negatives in my life.
On not having much money…
We may not have much money, but we have enough. Witness this house, the new (to us) minivan, the clothes on our back, and the food in our stomachs. Because we’re mostly broke, we are very grateful for the things that we have. Take the minivan for an example. It feels like a luxury car because it has air conditioning. It also has what Noah calls a “wish wiper” on the back window. Even better, it has a heater that you can direct to your feet. Wow! When we first drove it, we were all gushing and chattering about how great it was and how excited we were. Now if we’d had a lot of money, and the myriad of choices that money offers, we probably would have been so busy griping about whatever our car of choice didn’t have (and our minivan doesn’t have power windows, power locks, or a rear window defrost) that we wouldn’t have much time for gratitude. Obviously, being comfortable financially doesn’t automatically mean one is unappreciative of the things one has, but I do notice that when a person has had to wait for something, the waiting makes that thing just that much more wonderful.
On being infertile…
Being infertile sucks, no question about it. That said, let me make some lemonade out of my lemons. I think there are a lot of advantages to having an only child or kids that are far apart in age. A big advantage is the one on one time that Noah gets and that the next child will get. But there are other less obvious advantages, too, like not getting stuck with family “roles” the way you do when you have siblings. Even if parents don’t label them, kids tend to label themselves. Last night I was thinking about being five myself. One of my memories is about swimming. We had a pool in our backyard when we lived in California but I never felt comfortable swimming in it. I was what some might call an extremely cautious child; the kind of kid that drives parents insane because my worries were plentiful and illusional. Despite having a multitude of swim teachers, I wouldn’t go near the pool without my swimmies (those puffy little sleeve things that make you float). My sister (older) and brother (younger) didn’t share my fears so they’d go leaping off the diving platform or swooshing down the slide and I’d huddle in the shallow end with my swimmies and my goggles. Having my brother and sister to compare myself to made me start thinking of myself as fearful so I continued to act fearful. Noah is cautious, too, but because it’s only him, he is very confident that it’s normal and that he’ll grow out of it. He’s grown out of enough of his fears that he knows that the rest are temporary, too. We’ll remind him, say, of how he used to be afraid of the goats at the petting zoo when he was a toddler and he laughs and puffs his chest out because he’s not afraid of them anymore. Sometimes he’ll say, “I’m scared of the dark now but when I’m bigger, I probably won’t be anymore.” I hope that when we do have another child, that the age difference will allow him to continue seeing himself for himself. And that our next child will have that same opportunity. I know that there are things that he (Noah) has missed out on by not having a sibling but he’s also benefited. I need to remember that.
On being a chubby girl…
Now this one is a little tougher but I’m going to persevere and find something great about being overweight in a world that loves skinny girls. Ok, I’ve got it. By being a confident, contented, chubby woman I am personally giving a great big “fuck you” to the unrealistic, limiting, and cruel standards of a patriarchal culture. That’s right, the personal is political and I’m proof positive that you can be healthy and happy despite being an “approved” size. Rock on.
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