Christine Northrup can bite me
Well, I am definitely not pregnant. My period has begun in earnest despite the progesterone so I went off of it. I’m going to go in today and get an hCG test to find out whether or not I *was* pregnant. Part of me is really hoping that the pregnancy test was wrong because I don’t know what it’ll do to our treatment plan. Our insurance changed as of today because Brett’s company switched their policy yet again and then it’ll change once more later this month when he starts a new job. I have no idea what our infertility coverage will be. It’s certainly possible that we won’t have any.
I was very sad on Saturday but am feeling better now. Someone in my infertility support group (actually two someones) said that maybe this was a random chromosomal event since the clomid did solve my luteal phase defect. I don’t know. I’m anxious to hear what the doctor says.
Mothering has an article purportedly on secondary infertility. It’s the old “blame the attitude” routine and this particular woman says her unexplained infertility had to do with her terrible birth experiences as an infant and later as a mother. Maybe hers was but to lay that on the rest of the infertile world is a rotten thing to do. It reminds me of what Christiane Northrup wrote in Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom:
On a personal level, many women do not get pregnant because in their heart they really do not want to — they are afraid of the demands a child will make on them. … Whenever a woman feels conflicted over birthing, children, or the restrictions that children may impose once they arrive, infertility may result. Several studies have shown an association between infertility and ambivalence toward pregnancy and children. … Psychological testing done on 117 husbands of infertile couples indicated that the men had a pronounced lack of self-confidence, were introverted, and had decreased social assertiveness.
Most women are “afraid of the demands a child will make on them.” It’s a perfectly reasonable way to feel. It’s more worrisome to listen to pregnant women who tell you that their lives aren’t going to change that much; they’re the ones who have the most trouble adjusting afterwards. I would venture to say that most — if not all — women contemplating motherhood whether it’s for the first or fifth time have some doubts. They worry that they won’t do a good job or that having another child will disrupt the family harmony. Fertile women don’t get blamed for having those feelings; they get hugs. Infertile women who read Dr. Northrup or Mothering or talk to friends who buy into this stuff (or inlaws as the case may be) are told that they’re *choosing* not to be pregnant. Or (and I didn’t include this in the above quote) that they’re sex lives aren’t good. (As an aside, I did have one otherwise sensitive pregnant friend who said, “Hey, do you need my husband to come over and explain to Brett how it’s done?”) But wait, it gets better:
Several studies have indicated that in women who have repeated (three or more) miscarriages, there may be an interplay between emotions and the hormonal systems involved in pregnancy. … Women who habitually miscarry or who have an incomptent cervix sometimes also have difficult accepting motherhood and their feminine role. … They frequently choose dependent, nonverbal husbands and have restricted social outlets and low adaptability. Due to their aloofness, they are often unable to take part in life around them. … Another study found that “habitual aborters” … [feel] guilty about directly expressing their anger at other people’s demands, their frustration builds until their body responds with a physical illness. Miscarrying the child … relieves the tension that has built up in their bodies.
In case you can’t tell from my loud-mouthed journal, expressing my anger isn’t something I’ve ever had much trouble doing. Ask Brett. Then again, that probably contributes to his supposed “lack of self-confidence” that is apparently at the root of our fertility problems. What nonsense! And let me tell you, miscarriage does *nothing* to relieve my tension.
I no longer feel guilty when I have a miscarriage because after six (seven if this last pregnancy test was right), it’s pretty clear to me that something is physically wrong with my body (I put that last bit in for Mike). But I know many, many other women who are afraid that the one little flicker of “is this a good idea?” they had caused a later miscarriage. That sucks. Random bad things happen to people. Sometimes our bodies don’t work and it’s not because we’re not at one with the universe. It makes me angry when I think about someone reading Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom and blaming themselves for their infertility or miscarriages.
I worked on my book last night and while I didn’t get a second chapter finished (I’ve written lots of starts to different chapters), I did get about 900 words down. Here’s hoping that the finished product will bring more comfort than Dr. Northrup’s tome brought to me.
Dawn,
I thought your comments were right on. I also have read this book and it did make me feel like shit - like my feelings caused my miscarriage at 13 weeks (since then I’ve had another at 10 weeks). Thanks for your posting — I agree with you totally.
Best of luck to the both of us!!
Thanks Dawn for your candid letter.
My daughter is all caught up with this new age crap and sent me an email from Christine Northrup. I didn’t know who she was so I did some searching on the web and ended up here. I am greatful to have been able to read your letter. I know now she is just another New Ager.
I hope and pray you do conceive soon.
Thanks for the info.
Pat
I’m sorry for your losses.
Christiane Northrup must be a Boomer writing for Boomers. I’m a Generation X and mind-body split is not my problem either. It’s my body having a problem, leave my mind out of it! We have to wade though the psycho-babble to get though to the info we need.
Apparently Christine did bite you. The term psycho-babble is used by bigots who deserve being whacked by the garden rake left on the front lawn. Please give us the location so we can sit and watch you, we will bring popcorn. Better than going to a movie. Whack! Whack! Whackwhackwhack!!
I understand some of the concerns and the medical problems all of us experience with our bodies. I realise of course that women have a much more complicated system than men. I fully appreciate that. One thing I do know for certain about all human beings is this; Northrup may not be the answer to all your needs, but there is enough good information there to justify a closer study of her theories and principles. What you may call new age is simply adjusted thinking gathered from all available sources, old and new. Combining wisdom from old with scientific facts is not new age, it’s sensible. Why would we want to know only half of things in life? The ancients didn’t have all the answers. Need proof? Look at the world we’ve created over the years starting with ancient wisdom. That speaks for it self. What power we have in our minds has been taboo for years. Setting limits on ourself is the biggest sin. We are who we are simply because we believe it’s who we are supposed to be. Some will say bullshit. I’m poor, or I work 2 jobs to survive and my mind has nothing to do with that. If you are saying this right now, I’m sorry, but you are not looking at it correctly. You are looking at it from an outside perspective. It’s the inside that we can change, a little at a time to make ourselves feel better inside. Instead of resentment, bitterness, jealousy, anger, all the feelings that make you see the world as hostile and the cause of any problems you may face in life. What most with this mentality will never realise is, your thoughts are creating you at every stage in life. If you don’t like your life, change your thoughts. What you continue to think everyday becomes you. Monitor what you think about. When a thought is there you feel anger or bitter about, change it to something else. After a few weeks you will not be angry about it anymore and that should make you feel better inside. And that’s the only thing that really counts. Don’t go through life in anger, or as a victim, it’s such a waste. Nothing gets better untill you think it so. You think life sucks and it will. You should be able to see this, if not, you should ask yourself why?
I agree with scarygary. Every thing you see before you has begun with a thought. That is not new age. It is fact.
Here’s a twist. Why is it that none of my five sisters, or my only brother’s wife could have children, although one had two abortions? Who really knows? Or why my female parent had no nurturing skills whatsoever and went on to have seven children & says she would have stopped at three had her husband agreed. Her husband who was rarely even at home to enjoy our company, and wanted five more? Why did I never want kids? I know my answer, but the others have to speak for themselves. I just knew I was not going to “sacrifice my life” (my female parent’s mantra) for the sake of children when the planet is already overpopulated. The point is, there is no one who knows why or what your body is doing other than YOU. Take the best of Christine Northrup; leave out the rest. Some things are just plain obvious if you take the time to understand your mental, physical and spiritual state. Sometimes a miscarriage is exactly that. A miscarriage. Two of my sisters adopted. That didn’t work out swell either. Which isn’t a grandiose statement about adoption either; everyone has to be true to their own experiences and take the time to examine them.
Here’s a twist. Why is it that none of my five sisters, or my only brother’s wife could have children, although one had two abortions? Who really knows? Or why my female parent had no nurturing skills whatsoever and went on to have seven children & says she would have stopped at three had her husband agreed. Her husband who was rarely even at home to enjoy our company, and wanted five more? Why did I never want kids? I know my answer, but the others have to speak for themselves. I just knew I was not going to “sacrifice my life” (my female parent’s mantra) for the sake of children when the planet is already overpopulated. The point is, there is no one who knows why or what your body is doing other than YOU. Take the best of Christine Northrup; leave out the rest. Some things are just plain obvious if you take the time to understand your mental, physical and spiritual state. Sometimes a miscarriage is exactly that. A miscarriage. Two of my sisters adopted. That didn’t work out swell either. Which isn’t a grandiose statement about adoption either; everyone has to be true to their own experiences and take the time to examine them.
I came about your site while looking for information on Dr.Northrup.
Let me start out by saying that I hope that by now, four years after your original writing you have either gotten pregnant or have learned that not all of us are meant to have children of our own.
I am 56 years old. As many women of my era, I married early. In those times the oldsters counted months to see whether you were pregnant before you got married … in my case I suffered from the opposite side of that stigma when with every holiday or family gathering, the question came up as to why I wasn’t yet pregnant. The little suggestions that perhaps we needed help or instructions did not help and the humor others say in it only helped to eventually keep me away from those kinds of gatherings.
At that time, the early 70’s, infertility was a new area. There were not many options - I took the drugs-many experimental at that time, underwent procedures with medical students looking on, toted gallons of urine, and subjected myself to blood tests for 30 days in a row where in the last week or so they could no longer find a suitable vein willing to offer up information.
For the 16 years that I was married, we never used any form of birth control, we especially made a point of “trying” when the basal thermometer said the time was right, went through several Invetros and still no pregnancy.
Well, there was nothing wrong with my husband-he got someone else pregnant — and now for the kicker — we split –I was not concerned with birth control — a boyfriend got me pregnant less than a year after I split up with my husband.
The pregnancy terminated on its own after about 8 weeks.
My infertility doctor (by the way, who was a well known Infertility Doctor and for whommy insurance picked up ZERO) said I was the only one he had treated who had not gotten pregnant. His take on the matter was I was never comfortable in my marriage, perhaps knowing all along that my husband was capable of being unfaithful ….
I do know the pain of wanting a child and not being able to have one. I do know the anger when children are born and not properly taken care of by women who can have one child after another without appreciation for life.
I do not that I have found solace in believing that spiritually, and biologically, I am as much the mother of every children.
I hope you have found peace with yourself and realize that a woman’s fulfillment and purpose is not only to reproduce but to make this world a better place for everyone …. Inky
I hope you are more at peace now. I also hope that you have become more aware of how your thoughts create your reality. Some people just are not meant to have their own children. Learn to nurture yourself and your world.
I can understand these feeling expressed about new age mind/body connections. I drove myself nuts trying to figure out why I almost died from undiagnosed anemia. The emotional connection is not finding “joy” in life. It’s taken me lots of months of physical healing and many more months of therapy to find the connection, but I did find it. I agree that it’s not AT ALL helpful to hear the emotional connections when you are suffering. I absolutely love Dr. Elizabeth Vliet http://www.herplace.com She is an amazing physician. When she heard how quickly i was diving into the mind/body stuff, she cautioned me against it as it causes more stress on your physical body. She is a hormone genius and has studied with reproductive endocrinologists. Good luck to those of you who are still searching for answers. But, please, don’t throw all of the mind/body stuff out the door - at some later date it might all make sense.
Sheryl