Maybe it’s post holiday blues but I can’t get into a decent mood to save my life. I’m wandering around, shuffling my feet and sighing heavily and wishing something wonderful would happen and then something wonderful does happen and I heave another sigh and talk about what a nuisance it all is. See, Brett — knowing I’m not feeling my best or my brightest — surprised me with tickets to the touring production of The Producers for Wednesday night. I should be thrilled, right? Only I’m not so much.
Brett is my very best date for going to a show. He doesn’t mind that I’m a big fool and get all teary-eyed for an overture (any overture, I don’t care, I’m just so happy to be there) and he doesn’t care when I have to tell him every little thing I know about the show during intermission. Only he can’t go with me because the baby is suffering from stranger anxiety and would have a miserable time with any non-parent for an evening. (My mother-in-law kindly said she didn’t mind if Madison cried for three hours and I said, “Well, I would mind if Madison cried for three hours even if I weren’t there to hear it although I appreciate the gesture.”)
My birthday is next week and this wasn’t even a birthday present. It was just a “gosh Dawn, you seem like a gal who could use a pick-me-up so I thought I’d treat you to a show” present. Darnit.
It’s such a lot of money and I can’t really think of anyone who would love to go. It’s way too adult a musical to bring Noah so he’s out. None of my other friends are much for showtunes and I don’t want to go with somone who’s lukewarm about the idea.
I’m planning on asking my mom but she’s likely asleep right now so I can’t ask her yet. But it’s a work night so we’ll have to see.
The truth is, what I’d rather have had was a card from Brett saying he would buy me tickets. Then I could have flung my arms around him, kissed him soundly, thanked him for the thought and refused. Instead I was a non-gracious receiver of a present. I wrinkled my brow and said, “But I don’t want to go.” That’s not the first thing I said but near enough that poor Brett was let down.
I just can’t stand it. It’s so much money right on the heels of Christmas and I know that even though I said the tickets could be an early birthday present, Brett is going to buy me something then, too. He can’t help it. He always over-indulges me for holidays and birthdays. I wish I weren’t so cheap but I can’t help but do the math and worry about the expense.
I have two kids and a delightfully odd husband, Brett. My children are Noah (born to us in 1997) and Madison (born to her first mom, Pennie, in 2004 and brought to our family through a domestic, open adoption). They are my inspiration and also the reason I don't get more done around here.
I'm a writer and sometimes I get published, which is a nice thing. I write for joy, I write for money and when I'm very lucky, both things happen at the same time. My work appears in national publications including Yoga Journal, Disney's Family.com, Utne, Wondertime, Brain Child and Salon. Currently I am working on a book about my daughter's adoption and seeking representation for the proposal. I also own Open Book Strategies with my husband.
Margaret
January 3rd, 2005 at 11:56 pm
You know, it’s ok to sometimes feel the blues. I wish you peace in this issue. And, I really related to the worrying about the expense.
Best!
rob
January 4th, 2005 at 2:35 am
I think you need the few hours to enjoy something like The Producers.
I saw it twice here in L.A. — well worth the time away.
Brooklyn Mama
January 4th, 2005 at 7:42 am
Aw, I wish I could go with ya. I’ve never even seen The Producers (always too expensive and too hard to get tickets)! Go - enjoy - indulge in being alone. Sometimes that’s nice too.
Cricket
January 4th, 2005 at 8:43 am
It’s okay to be pragmatic about gifts or at least I think so b/c I’m the same way. My ever-broke boyfriend used to buy me little flower arrangements - I believe they came from the gas station of all places. Finally, I told him to stop. Essentially, if he was going to spend $10 at the gas station, it should go in his gas tank, not go to sit on a table and die.
Dawn, I’ve been wondering a while (and especially after this post) if you’re experiencing Seasonal Affective Disorder? My Januarys used to be a bear each year.