this woman’s work

An interesting privilege meme, below the cut. (Edited to add: From What Privileges Do You Have?, based on an exercise about class and privilege developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. If you participate in this blog game, they ask that you PLEASE acknowledge their copyright.)

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(I bolded the ones that are true for me and commented in parenthesis when appropriate.)

1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college (My dad dropped out just before getting his philosophy degree at UCLA)
3. Mother went to college (My mom does have some secondary education though. She took a computer certification course after the divorce. She told my dad that she’d skip alimony if he’d pay for that. Good deal on her part and a good example for her kids.)
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home. (My sister counted it once and it was somewhere in the thousands.)
9. Were read children’s books by a parent.
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18 (I took ballet when I was three.)
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively.
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18.
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs.
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18.
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels (This was a tough one. We didn’t really take vacations but we moved a lot and the company would put us up. We lived in a hotel once for four months after a move. After the divorce my dad took us on two vacations and both times we stayed in hotels.)
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them. (When I was 17 and started college I was still living at home and needed a car to get to school. My mom’s boyfriend was a used car salesman and we decided to use part of my child support to make car payments on a 1982 Datsun 310.)
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child.
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18.
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course.
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school. (It’s weird to see this as a privilege. After the divorce one of my mom’s boyfriends gave my brother a portable television and my sister and I each got a little black and white set that Christmas. We were teenagers — my brother wasn’t — and when I think about watching tv alone in my room I feel lonely.)
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college.
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16 (Yes, again because we moved and at least once we flew to our new house, company expense. I remember it was Delta because I thought it was named for me — Delta Dawn — and my mom stole a spoon from the flight, which remained my favorite spoon until it was lost. I flew again when I was 16, paid for by the family I was babysitting
so I could watch their kids over holiday break.)
31. Went on a cruise with your family.
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family.
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up. (Yes, if the Boston Children’s Museum counts. No, if it doesn’t.)
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.

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This post originally appeared at this woman’s work. You can comment at the original post.

So last night Jessica calls to check in and also to ask me to look movie times up ‘cuz she’s in the car coming back from a holiday visit and can’t do it from there.

“What movie?” I ask.

“Juno,” she answers.

Yikes. And so I worry. And offer unasked for advice. I ask her who she’s seeing it with. I tell her that maybe she’ll feel triggered. I mention some other people “touched by adoption” who have seen it and that it was hard for them. Then — because I’m predatory like that — I say, “Hey, if you wanted to write a review for openadoptionsupport.com from a birth mom perspective that would be awesome.” Because, you know, it’s all about my web site.

So Stacy went and saw it and, of course, saw all the same things that everyone else is seeing but she also thought it was a pretty good movie and she asks if it’s fair to hold artists who are making art to a standard of also creating realism, which is an interesting question. As someone who was deeply offended by Girls in Trouble (oh the awesomeness of google books! you can look inside this one) but who hypocritically loves the incredibly offensive Penny Serenade, I have mixed feelings.

I guess I think you ought to do some research when you’re writing about a topic, yeah sure, but how much research? For all I know the Juno screenwriter, Diablo Cody, is a first parent and is writing from the inside out albeit with some ideas that a lot of us disagree with. Or she may be buying into a lot of adoption stereotypes out of ignorance. I really don’t know.

I haven’t seen Juno and frankly I don’t have Jessica’s bravery so I’m not likely to. I’ll wait and see what she says though. Maybe on DVD so I can cry in private because I hate trying to muffle my sobs in a movie theater.

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(Why rabbits?) New year is, frankly, my least favorite holiday because it seems so arbitrary. I just generally find it uninteresting and now I’m gearing up for my (and Barb’s!) birthday! I will be a creaking 38, which much like 37 is a pretty boring number to be. 36 was good because it’s divisible by 3. I have high hopes for 40.

I feel hung over from all the holidaying and anxious to get back to a predictable schedule. I’m not great with chaos — I like things quiet. Plus I’ve been sleeping too much. I know, cry me a river, right? But I keep waking up groggy and with a headache. It’s time to set the alarm and actually heed it’s raucous call, dangit.

And now I feel the urge to do the New Year’s meme coming over me.

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1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?

Spoke at a conference; went to a quick-connect speed dating type of networking event; said to someone, “Call me. We’ll do lunch.”

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I do believe last year’s goal was to be a better writer and to get into some new markets. I feel I’ve become a more competent writer and I did break a couple of new markets. Next year my goals are more specific and one of them is about cold hard cash.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? (I interpret close to be non-virtual)

This was very nearly no but thank goodness someone in my writer’s group saw fit to push a baby out last week.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My Uncle Eddie.

5. What countries did you visit?

This one.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 which you lacked in 2007?

Personally? I’d like to have a more consistent income but really I feel rather overflowing with good things.

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched in your memory, and why?

My gosh, this must have been a slow year because I can’t think of a one.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Our family achievement is being a work-at-home/school-at-home family and not starving while doing it.

9. What was your biggest failure?

No failures. A couple of tough learning experiences but no failures.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing outside the usual mundane cold.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Billable!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Brett’s. He stepped out on a very steep learning curve, faltered a few times but persevered. He rocks.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Outside of national figures? Umm, I don’t blog the in-real-life people who make me appalled and depressed.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Room and board. And Brett made some large appliance purchases (front loader washer/dryer, for example), which goes to #12 with the faltering.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

All the career accomplishments, all of Brett’s big personal epiphanies and both kids in general.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?

Probably this one because I can’t stop listening to it. (Download it and play it on a stereo with a decent bass.)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder? Thinner or
fatter? Richer or poorer?

Happier although I wasn’t all that sad last year. The same. Both richer and poorer, depending.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Hmmm. I did a lot of the stuff I liked. I’d like to be exercising more especially lately since without an easily accessible bath/shower, we’re trying to keep sweating to a minimum. (Brett has also not been running of late.)

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worrying. Fretting. Imagining all the bad things that might happen.

20. How will you be spending New Year’s?

Brett and Madison watched the ball drop. Noah spent the night with friends. I read The New House.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?

I’m swiping Eve’s message: I fell in love with my husband in a different way.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Mad Men, I think. I also really liked 30 Rock this year so maybe that would be my favorite. For one there is that priceless line Alec Baldwin delivers, “I like when a woman has ambition; it’s like seeing a dog wearing clothes.” OK, yeah, 30 Rock it is!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Hate, my friend, is a strong word

24. What was the best book you read?

Good question. I can’t remember all the books I read this year. Oh I know! Z. Z. Packer blew my mind this year. Now where in the hell is her next collection???

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Did you download that song yet? That’s 4Hero. I’ve been listening to a lot of what the kids call “nu jazz” and “neo soul.” Apparently I’m late to that party but I’m having a great time anyway.

26. What did you want and get?

Less stress.

27. What did you want and not get?

An iHome dock for my 2nd generation iPod that won’t hold a charge. (Brett — my birthday is coming up. Are you listening?)

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

It seems like we saw a movie that we liked about 11 months ago (probably for my birthday) but now I can’t remember it. It must not have been all that terrific, eh?

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old did you turn?

Let’s see. I turned 37 but I can’t remember what I did. And (looking at my archives) I didn’t blog it!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More publication. I know. I know. It’s the journey not the destination but I’d like to journey towards more clips in small prestigious magazines.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?

This is the year that I added work-wear to my wardrobe including slips, tights and not-so-comfortable shoes.

32. What kept you sane?

BRETT. He also drove me crazy. He is a paradox.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

No crushes this year, much to my dismay. Life is more fun with an imaginary crush. OK, I did battle lightly with Barbara over who loves Alec Baldwin best but I think she won. Damn her.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Right now I seem to be stepped in adoption/reproducti
ve choice issues.

35. Whom did you miss?

I have to admit that I missed my kids some when I was out being professional. But I got over it.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Oh my lord, there have been A LOT. Too many to mention because there are the people I’ve met networking and then the virtual people I met in real life. It has been a great year for meeting amazing people!!!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.

That it really is all about attitude.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Again, did you download that song? (Which, because I double-checked the lyrics, was put out in 2001 making me really late to that party I mentioned.)

“Inside every man lives the seed of a flower/if he looks within he finds beauty and power”

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This post originally appeared at this woman’s work. You can comment at the original post.

I’ve been messing around at the Smart Cookie site making custom sidebars for each page of the site and I decided to change-out the sidebars on my About Me page. It’s a work in progress but includes links to my various social networking sites and stuff. (I’m also playing around with social networking because I think it’s interesting and potentially useful to clients plus I’m trendy like that.)

The best way to explain my very strong anti-school feelings is, I think, to compare it to religion. Think about it — cultural doctrine, differing philosophies, etc. It’s like — I’m Jewish, right? And as much as I respect other religions (my husband’s among them) I can’t be anything other than what I am and chose to be (’cuz I’m a Jew by choice and by culture what with the Jewish dad and all). But you try to make me personally embrace another faith, I’d get hostile.

That’s how I feel about school.

I’m Jewish because I think Judaism rocks. I homeschool because I think homeschooling rocks. I’m also NOT a bunch of different religions because I think they (personally) don’t rock and some of them even make me pretty darn grouchy (those religions shall remain nameless). Likewise, I DON’T do school but I think school (personally) is yucky and some schools even make me pretty darn grouchy.

I don’t think any of you non-Jews ought to run out and be Jewish and I don’t think any of you happy schoolers ought to run home and not do school.

Here’s the hard part: As common as homeschooling is getting to be, it’s still a step out of a pretty well-worn path so unlike a religious choice, which is seen as a choice TOWARDS something, homeschooling is seen as (and can be for some of us) a choice AWAY from something (away from brick and mortar school), which can make people squirrel-y.

Unlike religions, Brett and I pretty much agree on school. I’m like 99.9% anti-school and he’s more like a wavering 75% anti-school. These things we agree on:
–School would have been a disaster for Noah when he was younger;
–We credit his good humor, self-confidence and personal growth to keeping him out for as long as we did;
–School would very likely not break him now at this late stage of his life.

Part of this is how we feel about school and part of this is the reality of who Noah was and is.

I would like Noah to never ever go to school but I also think he’d manage if he went. If he does go, I want him to be successful, thus the virtual school.

I would like Madison to never ever go to school and I also think she’d manage. I’m less sure about when though because my concerns for her are different. She’s obviously a total extrovert and wouldn’t have trouble spending the day in a group of kids. And she’s less approval-oriented than he is. On the other hand, she’s a big for her age, very loud, very opinionated, very assertive African American child and studies have shown (if you didn’t read this last time I linked, you should) that this can be a daunting combination. I’d like to keep her out for a good long while, too.

Anyway — I think comparing educational philosophies with religious philosophies might make more sense. You know, so we can all agree to disagree or agree to agree or whatever.

And now I promise to shut up about it.

That Jenna is powerful!! Over 600 new visitors over at Open Adoption Support but not many new users. They’re all rubber-neckers. But I have hope!

Hope and an earache! Well, the earache isn’t a good thing. I need to go lie down. And so I shall.

Check out Vegan Lunch Box.

Gettin’ Smaller In the Rearview Mirror: Cry, Cry, Cry

I’ve got a mini-version of the Stendhal syndrome going on here. Lines of songs that are in no way sad just get me, and I am powerless to prevent the catch in my throat or the tears welling in my eyes. This would be poignant if the songs weren’t so … not sad.

Stendhal syndrome, Sandra tells us, is “this emotional response to art that manifests itself physically.” Then she lists lines of songs that make her choke up. I’m going to do that, too. My list (a whole lot of these have to do with delivery):
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