It’s a common discussion among folks who blog not just their lives but also their family lives (i.e., pretty much everyone I read) — how much do you share? Jenna blogged it both at blogher and at Chronicles and then it came up in a concrete way for Julia.

What happened was this: Julia blogged her son Gage’s recent emotional breakdown as she blogs the rest of his healthcare challenges. She wrote about it because, well, because it was happening and she blogs her life. When she had to have her son committed, she wrote about the agony of walking away from him and also the hope she had that this step would help. Happily, that next step was the right one and Gage is on the way to having his mental illness managed appropriately — cause for celebration! Instead several of Julia’s readers took her words and used them against Gage at school and several people criticized for sharing so much on her blog.

Now Julia has always been an activist for her kids and for other special needs kids. She feels strongly that silence would be tantamount to shame and that not blogging this part of Gage’s story would send him the message that he is not at fault for his kidney disease but he is at fault for his mental illness. So she’s going to keep on blogging.

I appreciate that her decision is not everyone’s decision and I’m not interested in a debate about whether or not it’s the right one. Any one of us blogging has to make sense of public storytelling on her own. I do think, though, that activism is more powerful when we are willing to put our names to it and that sharing our stories can be an important tool for creating change. In the adoption blogosphere, I’ve been sympathetic to people who share a lot less but also a little frustrated because what makes those stories sensitive is also why we so need their representation.

In my own life, my family has veto power although so far it’s been rarely used. It’s an imperfect system (I am way more open than Brett is so sometimes it doesn’t occur to me to check in about something I think is innocuous and then I find out later that it made him cringe, which is why I leave him out a lot) but it’s what works.

Recently I asked Madison for help in something I was working on about her adoption and asked her what she wanted me to share. I told her I was thinking of X and she put the kibosh on it and suggested Y. The essay (fingers crossed it gets past editors) starts with her sharing what she wanted me tell, which made for a more powerful (IMHO) essay. I was pleased that she could be so clear with me about what she will NOT talk about and also what she WANTED me to talk about.

Likewise Julia has ongoing discussions with her family including her kids about her blogging, her public advocacy and her sharing with the media. She does not do any of this lightly (none of us do, really). Again, it may not be the decision you would make as a blogger but it doesn’t mean that her choice is wrong either. Really, if it gets past her own family censors then that’s the only people she has to answer to.

It’s been a long week. Actually a long two weeks. I still haven’t written about Noah’s bar mitzvah but now I’m not sure if I will. It’s hard to write about events like that without making them maudlin and it’s too dear to my heart to risk it. I can’t believe that Noah is 13 though. Right before the ceremony we were talking about how he’ll be 20 when Madison has her bat mitzvah and the rabbi said, “Don’t go there! Don’t let your mind picture that right now!” Yeah, it was a little much to contemplate.

But it was lovely. And I can’t believe it was just last weekend.

This week has been incredibly busy with figuring out how to close out FertilityAuthority. They have been very understanding and kind about my leaving. I may continue to freelance for them depending on where they are at the end of my tenure. Things are moving very quickly there and I am excited for them even though I won’t be the one implementing their plans.

Meanwhile, I have an interview for grad school not this weekend but next. It’s a day long interview with one-on-one and group activities. I’m nervous but excited because I think it’ll be interesting. I’m certainly hopeful about ending up at OSU but am still working on my Plan B. It’s nice to get this far though. I guess my GRE scores weren’t total suck.

Julia and I are working on another project that has us both excited but as you like know, she’s been a little busy these past couple of weeks. Happily Gage is doing GREAT and we hope to get cracking very soon (like yesterday). She has a lot going on business-wise, too, and I’m trying to lend a hand with some of it.

And of course I’m doing major networking to line up freelance work. I redid my professional site (to match this one — branding) since it was way out of date. I also have some freelance jobs that I was already juggling, one of which I finished up last night just under deadline. I’m also working on an article about disrupted adoptions but need a new family to focus on since the one I was working with doesn’t seem to be panning out. If you have a lead please let me know. I’m happy (of course) to use pseudonyms for anyone I interview.

Over at Madison’s blog, she always has an enthusiastic sign-off but it loses something in the blogging. So I got her to perform them for you.

Madison signs off from Dawn Friedman on Vimeo.

As you can see, Madison is the most fun person in our (very fun) family. She also has personality for days and days and days. I like that y’all can see her because I think it lends more to the stories about her. I think it helps a lot of what I write here make more sense because THAT is the kid I am talking about!

My brother and sister-in-law just started the Dave Ramsey course a few months ago and then I saw AmFam is too. Brett used to love to listen to his radio show (except for the conservative social commentary) because Brett is a junkie about financial stuff. Me, I think Dave Ramsey’s advice is obvious and so does SNL. I thought I’d share it here. (I am pretty sure AmFam could TEACH a Dave Ramsey course only it would have lots of liberal social commentary. In fact, I think she should. There ain’t nothing Ramsey could teach AmFam!)

Edited to add: Post inspired by Abby who needs a bigger bed but insists on paying cash and who could also teach Dave Ramsey courses.

I’m not actually a drama queen. (Don’t listen to my mother. She won’t let me live down my teen years is all.) But I do get caught up. I think it’s my natural interest in people and then when people are kind of heightened versions of themselves, which we are when events get messy, I tend to get in the middle of it.

It’s a failing. (sigh)

It’s been a wacky couple of months. First quitting my old job. Then starting my new one. Then the holidays. Then my 40th birthday. Then the bar mitzvah and now quitting my new job. I am making a concentrated effort not to wind myself up any higher than circumstances have already wound me but it’s hard.

Fortunately I am old(er) now and I know that all things pass, including the crisis of the moment good or bad. It’s a comfort. It allows me to be more of a spectator and less of a frantic participant. And being able to be both in it and out of it makes things more fun, too, because I feel less jostled by the waves. Besides there is nothing like sitting with your husband watching your son chanting in Hebrew to make you feel like time is moving quickly and that all those cheesy books about not sweating the small stuff are maybe not so cheesy after all.

You guys were right — forty ain’t so bad. In fact, it’s pretty good. That whole dewy skin, bright eyes, firm thighs thing? Worth the trade for the calm and (one hopes) wisdom.