Two years ago I told Brett I wanted a surprise party for my fortieth party. I’ve never had a surprise party and I decided I wanted one. Then a year ago, I realized that we’d be celebrating Noah’s bar mitzvah the same month I would turn forty and that having two big events like that would be too much. So that was the end of that.

Tomorrow I turn 40 so this is my birthday weekend. Abby and Kristen and Lynne (my homeschool potluckers) decided to take me out to The Happy Greek. Yesterday Lynne us all up and they gave me coffee and Snowville creamer in the car on the way there. Which is to say that I was having a lovely birthday celebration before we even got to the restaurant.

Then we got there and we walked in and there was a group of people who turned to look at us as we came in and I saw Terreece and I saw Leslie, who are both writing group people and I thought, “What? Why is my defunct writing group meeting without me?” And then I saw Tracy and I thought, “And did they replace me with Tracy?” because she’s a writer but wasn’t in our writing group. But then I noticed that Allyo and Lis were both there, too, and then I was really confused because they aren’t writers although they are all mixed up socially with my people for various reasons (and because this is Columbus) and so I stood there at a loss and I remember people saying, “Surprise!” and “We’re here for you, Dawn!” But I really didn’t get it AT ALL.

Turns out Brett arranged it (with Abby’s help) and chose the guest list based on the people who came to the Toy Exchange and the people I’ve mentioned in passing that I wanted to see more or that I was particularly missing. (Pennie was invited but couldn’t make it because they’re having some car trouble.) He called ahead and set things up with the restaurant so there were appetizers waiting and the food was delicious and the talk was even better. The knitters talked knitting, we all talked family and partners and kids, the writers talked writing (and we decided to do a monthly women writers’ social hour that we’ll keep open-ended and invite all the local writers we know so holler if you want in) and the bloggers talked the Ohio Moms Blog. He had to cap the invites to ten so there were people I missed but every single person who was there was exactly someone I wanted to see. And he totally totally surprised me.

I am, as I have said, inordinately lucky in my friends.

I am also ridiculously lucky in my husband. I always know he loves me and am nearly always sure that he likes me (even when I am at my most unlikeable) but yesterday showed me that he also pays attention to me. Ok, sometimes (often) I feel like a broken record talking about chores and schedules and all the mundane things that bog down a life but if I ever start thinking that maybe he’s tuned me out completely, I’m going to remember yesterday and how it reflects how well he knows me and how attentive he is when it matters.

I’d say that forty is looking better all the time!

Yesterday was the used toy exchange and it went just great. Ten reasons why:

1. The attendees. Some of my favorite people who I see far too little showed up along with favorite people who I see a lot but can never see too often. If we are judged by the company we keep then I am awesome because awesomeness is what showed up to my toy exchange.

2. Getting rid of toys is deeply gratifying especially when you get to see other people say, “Yes! Just what I wanted to put in the stocking!” as they haul your junk away.

3. Free finger puppets!! Thanks Mollie!!! (I love finger puppets, which is weird because I don’t really love regular puppets.)

4. New friend for Madison!! Thanks again Mollie!!!

5. Three of us who are writers and who have that stay-at-home, making-a-living, raising-kids reality staged an impromptu support group at the end of the day and it fed my heart and gave me courage. Thanks Tracy and Terreece!!! That really needs to happen more often.

6. Free toys for Roscoe! There seemed to be some kind of unspoken competition to give Roscoe the best, most rocking baby toys and Pennie went home with something like four boxes/bags of really nice baby toys. I told her she can bring them all back next year when people will have toddler toys to give her because that is the Circle of Life toy style. She was really happy with her haul!

7. Allyo brought some seriously delicious pastry but then she always brings the good eats.

8. Terreece’s son is just a month older than Roscoe and for some reason it’s hilarious to me to see babies the same age together. There was some major cuteness going on in my living room by the end of the day.

9. Roscoe is talking! Ok so it’s baby talk — he’s still brilliant. He’s verbalizing now and grinning and being an audacious flirt. Oh lord, he is cute! Madison sang to him for a good long time and he got his eyes fixed on her and tried to sing along. I just ordered a new (to me) video camera and can’t wait to get some of this on tape!

10. My now clean house because we cleaned pre-party (of course) and it stayed clean and then we got rid of so much. Decluttering is such a lovely, lovely thing and my heart gets lighter with every bag of stuff I send out the door.

I highly recommend the used toy swap as a fine social event as well as a useful means of gathering toys while getting rid of toys. We didn’t do anything formal — just set the stuff out and let people dig around. It wasn’t like one-to-one trades (although people could do that, too, if they wanted) and every time someone said, “Am I taking too much?” everyone else would say, “No! Take! Take more!” It was a lot of fun. Two thumbs up!

(Several people encouraged me to make this an annual thing so I’m going to. It was just that good!)

Because I am cheap and because my budget is tight and because I hate malls with the power of 1000 hot burning suns and because Allyo was talking about downsizing her toy stash, I decided to host a used toy/book/clothes exchange the Saturday after Thanksgiving.

This is how it’s going to work.

• People are going to come over with their crap gently used things.
• They will crowd into my not-big house, which will begin to feel over-heated.
• They will throw down their things.
• They will rummage through other people’s things.
• They will laugh, complain about how their kids never even TOUCHED that toy after begging for it for months, pick things out, discard things, hold up dresses to consider sizing and discuss their holiday plans as well as the extended family members with whom they will be forced to deal with in the upcoming weeks.
• They will leave with (one hopes) new stuff.
• Everything left over will get packed into our van and donated by my lovely husband who says, “That’s a great idea! [and then hopefully] You don’t want me there, right?” Right. He will be shuttling the kids away so that they won’t be underfoot.

I don’t know if it’ll get me out of any holiday shopping but I hope it will get at least SOME of us out of SOME of our shopping. I have three or four toys still in their boxes that I’m happy to move out. Who knows what else is down there. (We cleared out a lot — four trash bags full — when we de-cluttered Madison’s room so really I should have thought of this before last week but oh well.)

Anyway. I’ll let you know how it goes. And maybe you’ll want to try it out, too. Also it’ll be fun to see people. As I posted to facebook and sent out emails, I thought about how everyone I invited knows someone else in the crowd in new and unusual ways and enjoyed the six degrees part of it, too.

By the way if you’re local and want details ‘cuz you’d like to come, contact me and I’ll give you details.

Could y’all please go and tell Julia that life should not suck as hard as her life is sucking right now? No platitudes — she needs those like she needs more crisis in her life. Quinn, thank goodness, is doing really well although she needs to have her stent removed earlier than expected because it’s causing her pain. But Gage is having a really hard time and when Gage has a hard time, everyone around him has a hard time, too. He is really unhappy (he has a lot of reason to be unhappy). I mean overwhelmingly, scarily unhappy. Basically Julia and her husband are getting through days that most of us are blessed enough that we can’t even imagine it. And if one more person tells her that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, she’s gonna have to deck ‘em because it turns out that God does give some of us more than we can handle and we just have to handle it anyway because we have no other choice. That’s where Julia and her husband are at right now and I’m just praying that it lets up soon.