I made the mistake of discussing Noah’s grouch-fest with my mom. Her advice was, of course, to spank him. I don’t spank. I’m not violently (no pun intended) anti-spanking because I think that no one parenting choice should be pulled out of context of the relationship in which that parenting choice happens. However, *my* value system does not endorse spanking. Besides which I don’t think that spanking would work and even if it *did* work, I don’t think it would be worth it. And even if it did work, and it was worth it, I certainly don’t think it’s appropriate in this case.

Noah is an awful lot like me when I was little. He gets stuck with a negative mood because his pride won’t let him jettison it. He’s only four and I think I was more than twenty before I figured out I was master of my own mood swings (to some extent anyway) so why would I punish him because he hasn’t figured this out yet??? My mom says he needs to deal with the consequences of inflicting his bad mood on other people but he does deal with the consequences, i.e., an exasperated mother, a hurt friend, and a grouchy, ruined playdate. Instead of wishing I could find an appropriate punishment to somehow “cure” him, I wish I could be more patient. Because I have echoes in my head of how inappropriate such behavior is (echoes that come from being lectured about my own bad moods as a kid), it’s hard for me to be sympathetic enough to help him find a way out of the mess. I remember feeling alone and trapped and terrible when I behaved the way he behaved. I remember wishing someone would rescue me from myself. I hope that I can learn how to be a stronger advocate for Noah when it comes to facing down his own grouch-self.

This time I did the best I could and at the end of it all I told him, “You’re still a very little boy and it’s hard to always know what to do when you’re feeling so grumpy. But you’re getting bigger and you’re getting better at it.” To which my son predictably replied with the requisite frown on his pretty little face, “I am NOT! I will always be grouchy!” So I smacked him. Just kidding!

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