It sounds like a bad summer re-run. Haven’t we seen this before? And it wasn’t even much fun the first time around.

I’ll type fast.

I still hadn’t gotten my period as of this morning. I took a pregnancy test. I had a faint second line. I showed it to Brett who saw the line without squinting and pronounced it positive. By 3pm, I started cramping and spotting. Because I’m on progesterone, that’s all it is but this is exactly how my other miscarriages happened.

Now I have these awful choices to make. Do I stay on the progesterone on the outside chance that things could turn out all right? Do I resign myself to the inevitable and go off it now? Brett and I decided that I’ll stay on it (damn the expense) and go in for a blood test on Monday to get the pregnancy (if indeed the faint line was correct) officially confirmed. If it *is* a miscarriage, I don’t know what this does to next month’s treatment. The clomid was supposed to *stop* me from having miscarriages. They ran all the tests and the only thing they could come up with was low progesterone from inadequate ovulation. If that wasn’t what was causing the early misses, what was? Why am I miscarrying again? Am I miscarrying again? When is a faint line (that comes up right away and not ten minutes later) not positive?

I’m feeling a little hammered and my editor just wrote to ask how the latest pregnancy article was coming. I’m working on a second one due tomorrow right now (about playing music during birth) and then tomorrow night I’ll start on the other one.

Knee-deep in pregnancy world in the midst of despair. I wish I was still growling and wearing black because I feel downright bitter right now. The irony does not amuse me. I am sad and I am pissed.

Bookmark
SubscribeBloglinesDiggdel.icio.usFacebookStumbleUponTechnorati

Related posts