Here’s the thing
A couple of people have written to ask me what’s up with my conversion. This is what’s up: I’m not doing it. At least not right now. I still hope to in the future when I don’t have the same kinds of family considerations.
Part of this is because I didn’t click with the Rabbi. I felt very frustrated by his confrontational style and lack of instruction. A bigger part has to do with my ambivalence about being part of *any* formal religion. I strongly feel Jewish; however legally (according to halacha), I’m not Jewish. I felt like it was hypocritical of me to want to become a legal Jew without being willing to take on some of the fundamental precepts of Judaism (like circumcision for my son[s]). I was very torn about this. I did a lot of talking/debating/crying and yes, praying about it. The answer I came to was that I wasn’t ready to become a “real” Jew but this doesn’t have to keep me from being more Jewish-like or from studying Jewish thought. Judaism still (mostly) feels like home to me.
As for what we may do as a family; I am actually very interested (and have been very interested) in Quakerism. Brett and I have been to a few meetings and we think that this may be a place where we can worship as a family. It also seems like a very welcoming community.
What appeals to me about Quakerism is the emphasis on human rights and pacifism, and the deemphasis on religious legalities (some Quakers, interestingly, are agnostic). While Quakers as a group are “christians”, for many Quakers this means respect for the teachings of Jesus without deifying him. And all Quakers focus more on building a personal relationship with a God as they understand him (shades of AA, I know) and not on interpreting the scriptures which many Quakers view as fallible. That’s a big one for me. The more I read of the bible, the more mystified I am that anyone could actually believe that it’s the word of God.
For a good essay about Quakers, check out this page at ReligiousTolerance.org.
I’m sad that I won’t be Jewish anytime soon and that Noah won’t be Jewish. I just don’t think I can make that decision for him as much as I want to. The Rabbi told me that he couldn’t get formal Jewish instruction (like Sunday school) unless he was formally converted and I don’t feel 100% wonderful about doing that.
Ultimately, I’m not sure where we’ll end up but we’re searching so I’m sure we’ll find it.
