Unadoption in Nebraska
18Feb2008 Filed under: Adoption Author: DawnPreviously, Vesely and his wife Angela had said they didn’t mean to deceive the boy’s biological mother and the adoption agency. They said they delayed disclosing Angela’s pregnancy because she had miscarried three children previously.But the 3-month-old boy’s mother wanted her son to be an only child with an adoptive family and she wanted an open adoption.
I don’t know much about it although I’ve been (very casually) following it. It reminds me of this conversation we had (it goes across several entries) after our window installation guy referenced a lesbian couple he knows who adopted children from China (where only straight families are allowed to adopt).
I’m wondering why the open adoption part is mentioned? To say that they couldn’t get away with lying because they’d be caught out? I think this is a pretty big omission although I also understand their emotional need to not mention the pregnancy. Still, I think saying, “By the way, we’re pregnant but given our history of miscarriage…” is more kosher. (Our agency was adamant about not placing with pregnant families although I believe their focus was that parenting new babies is hard and artificial twinning is extremely challenging.) I honestly don’t know enough about this case to have much of an opinion on it though. Everything I’ve read (and again, I didn’t dig) was focused on the adoptive parent side of things so I just don’t have enough info. I’m interested in finding out when the surrenders happened, what the circumstances were like, etc. Who brought the case? The agency? I think it was the agency — but was it on the first mom’s behalf? Is she wanting her child placed with another family or is she rescinding her surrender based on fraud?
I think it’s pretty dang unusual that a couple would actually lose a child for defrauding the first family. I’m hoping that the National Center for Adoption Law has a link to the case in their next email blast. If I hear more or if you hear more, lemme know. Especially if the agency/mom has anything to say.
Related posts
3 Responses to “Unadoption in Nebraska”
Leave a reply
About Me
I have two kids and a delightfully odd husband, Brett. My children are Noah (born to us in 1997) and Madison (born to her first mom, Pennie, in 2004 and brought to our family through a domestic, open adoption). They are my inspiration and also the reason I don't get more done around here.
I'm a writer and sometimes I get published, which is a nice thing. I write for joy, I write for money and when I'm very lucky, both things happen at the same time. My work appears in national publications including Yoga Journal, Disney's Family.com, Utne, Wondertime, Brain Child and Salon. Currently I am working on a book about my daughter's adoption and seeking representation for the proposal. I also own Smart Cookie Communications with my husband.
Twitter:
-
- Test fireworks going off at game. Kids are getting antsy.
- Off to the clippers
- @mombrain CONGRATULATIONS! Glad that bus finally hit you! :)
- Fresh blog: It's raining http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=3442
- @larak: We had an old jukebox growing up so for me it's Abba, Disco Duck, Conway Twitty & don't it make my brown eyes blue.
Lisa V
February 18th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
We were in a similar place when waiting to adopt. I got pregnant unexpectedly. It was my 6th pregnancy, with the previous 5 ending in miscarriage. I didn’t tell my agency until we saw a heartbeat (about 8 weeks I think). At that point they put our file on hold, and we weren’t shown to any expectant mothers. I didn’t feel the need to tell them before 8 weeks because we were low on the list. If they had happen to call I would’ve told them immediately. And we wouldn’t have been allowed to adopt while pregnant, it was against their policy.
Reading other stuff about this case, it appears the baby is going to be raised by his maternal grandparents.
I think the adoptive parents were wrong. I have a huge amount of sympathy for their desire to have a baby. But they conceived in July and the baby they wanted to adopt was born in November. They should have been honest with everyone and let chips fall where they may. No one would be in this situation now if they had just been honest.
Their biological child was born prematurely and now the parents were dividing their time between both babies in different locations. I think the first family was right to feel this wasn’t the situation they were promised for their child.
PhoenixRising
February 18th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
More facts please?
There is an implied suggestion in the article I read that since it’s up to the b-mom whether her child is placed with a childless couple, she had refusal rights if he didn’t remain an only child. It is unclear to me whether that reflects reality as someone knows it, a bias of the agency, the AP reporter or whatever other influence.
h.s. ema
February 18th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
here is an article that clarifies some points you raise, but raise other questions
http://www.yankton.net/stories/021608/new_247524800.shtml