As a Caucsian couple we are hoping to adopt a Caucasian child. Why? As simply as I can state it, I don’t want to be an obvious adoptive family. I don’t want to be a poster family for adoption, I just want to be a mom and a dad with a child or two to raise and love and nuture forever. I don’t want to go to do the zoo and be asked about our “China doll” like other adoptive couples I know who adopted asian children have to hear. I don’t want to have to inform people that we are not “so kind to adopt a black child” like people who have adopted mixed race or AA children have to hear. I just want to go to the zoo. Does any of that make sense?

We didn’t spend lots of time on infertility. We never went to IVF and they still can’t figure out why we can’t get pregnant. But we went to adoption early on (less than 2 years of IF treatments) because genetics doesn’t make a family and we know that any child that comes our way via adoption, is coming to us because it’s supposed to happen that way. Who am I to question it? Who am I to question my gut instinct (and my husband’s same instinct) to adopt only a caucasian child. There will always be a part of me sad that I couldn’t experience pregnancy and childbirth but I will never mourn not having a genetic link.

Okay, I’m done rambling.

Well, I haven’t even be assessed yet, but “problem” “red tape” and “powerlessness” are the overriding impressions I got from my 7 wks of domestic fosteradopt orientation, and I am white as white, and have no previous bad experiences with the system.

As for altruistic, I feel uncomfortable, and often guilt, about that too. I want a healthy kid. I want an intelligent kid. I want a kid who can be an independent adult. I just want one child to be MY FAMILY. I was ttc, and when you are ttc, you are not trying to help out some poor soul who needs you. You are starting from zero to create a new one just for your family. I think if I were retired, with time, resources, and already my own family, I’d be ready to pour out the altruism.

I am going domestic since I am single, the waits are crazy elsewhere, I don’t have the $ to do it elsewhere, we don’t have open adoption, and it seems that if I go to Ukraine or Russia, I will end up with the same issues as fosteradopt: FASD, RAD, neglect, abuse, institutional-induced behaviours. Without the helping hand we have here.

As for race… I was, like the people you cited, concerned about the NABSW’s edict too, as well as all the criticism in Canada of native kids being adopted by white families, as my two younger siblings were. Would I be able to help my child love themselves, identify with their race, provide good role models, and be prepared for a racist world. I personally would be happy with a kid of any race or racial mix. After discussing around, I have decided to go for it, regardless of criticism I may get about interracial adoption.

Thanks for the great posts.

Our first twins were blond haired, blue-eyed girls. It just so happens that the second set were African American. We also have kids that are mixed, Mexican, Puerto Rican and white.

Like Cubbie, I don’t know if I have a point, just adding some flavor.

Of the countries we looked at, the major deciding factor again was not race, but how old the kids were typically coming home. We wanted to have our child home as young as possible. Sure, we could have had a newborn from domestic adoption, but we would have lost the predictability. Korea provided a good balance of the two things that were most important to us.

Thanks for this series of posts. You’re doing a great job of articulating a lot of the issues that bounce around inarticulately in my head, and I bet a lot of other people’s as well.

I was open to any age child, any race. I ended up with a white, blond hair, blue eyed child.

If you look at the photolistings for my state (Missouri) a large percentage of the children listed are black. However, there are many areas which they will not place black children in. They don’t like to do it in my country. They REALLY discourage it where Geo lives (35 miles away). And adjacent counties they just plain will not due it.

Anyway, don’t know what the point of my comment was, but I have been enjoying these posts.