Anyone have thoughts to share?
30Aug2007 Filed under: Adoption Author: Dawn2 Responses to “Anyone have thoughts to share?”
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"I must write it all out, at any cost. Writing is thinking. It is more than living, for it is being conscious of living."
About Me
I have two kids and a delightfully odd husband, Brett. My children are Noah (born to us in 1997) and Madison (born to her first mom, Pennie, in 2004 and brought to our family through a domestic, open adoption). They are my inspiration and also the reason I don't get more done around here.
I'm a writer and sometimes I get published, which is a nice thing. I write for joy, I write for money and when I'm very lucky, both things happen at the same time. My work appears in national publications including Yoga Journal, Disney's Family.com, Utne, Wondertime, Brain Child and Salon. Currently I am working on a book about my daughter's adoption and seeking representation for the proposal. I also own Smart Cookie Communications with my husband.
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suz
August 30th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
ugh. no. well, maybe. first, i forgot my id there. remind me and i will happily post it there.
i feel for her as i know the strain of being the monkey in the middle of a child and a first father.
i always recommend honesty and openness. tell fdad how she feels, what her fears are. tell adoptive parents the same. maybe have a group meeting with all to discuss boundaries and such.
dad has a right to know his kid and change his mind from what he felt/said before adoption too place. men are no different than women in adoption trauma. dad should not be punished for past behaviors but be rewarded for current positive ones.
wish her well.
spyderkl
August 31st, 2007 at 12:16 pm
I wish I could offer some advice, but we’re not exactly the ones to ask about first fathers these days.
I’d get out of the way as quickly as I could, if it were me. Being in the middle can be tricky at best; if there’s any way to avoid it, do just that.
Man, that’s difficult. Suz sounds like she has the best idea; talk to everybody to establish ground rules and boundaries, then let him take things from there.