KimKim asked, “Did you not want to explain the situation to the photographer? I think it would have been good advertising for open adoption, he might have a friend or relative who is adopting and all freaked out about open adoption.”

I leave that for Jessica to decide when we’re all together. She and I have talked about this before and usually Jessica will leave it up to people to figure out. Like she’ll introduce me as “my daughter’s mother.” But Jessica and Madison look so so much alike that I think people must be able to do the math — then again, they might think that they’re sisters.

The way I figure it, Jessica has more fall-out to deal with if we share our adoption story when we’re out and about and so until Madison has a say, when we’re all somewhere together, I’ll leave it to Jessica to make the decision. Likewise, I don’t correct people when it doesn’t matter. If it wouldn’t have been confusing to Madison to hear the photographer refer to Jessica and Nate as “your mom and dad” I wouldn’t have said anything and likely Jessica wouldn’t have either. (When other people do this — say waiters or salespeople — we roll with it.)

When we were traveling to Tacoma, we joked that people would probably think we were lesbian moms because Madison is a carbon-copy of Jessica but she is clearly clingy with me. Now with Nate along, it just makes everyone more confused. But like I said, I think we both forget to think of it.

I can’t find the other entries (I just looked) where I could show how this has evolved. The first time we all five (Brett, me, Jessica, both kids) went out together, we were all (well, not the kids) very self-conscious and worried that we would all reach for the salt at the same time. Jessica was careful not to tread on my toes, I was afraid of treading on hers — it was hard. But now we forget to think about it until an outsider brings it up. Now it doesn’t make for an awkward silence when a waiter says, “And do you want to sit next to your mommy?” to Madison, indicating the chair next to Jessica. There was a time when one of us would try to explain, “Uhh, actually…” but now we just take care of our own seating arrangements and smile nicely at the waiter.

The last time we tried to get photos (again, I can’t find the entry but I have the sinking feeling it got lost in my drupal fiasco) we went to Target and the photographer was rude. She kept referring to Jessica as “mommy” even after being corrected and that just confused Madison and made it harder. Then the photographer wanted to figure out who Noah was. Finally at the end of it all (we never did get pictures) she said to Jessica’s best friend (who is white), “And how do you fit in here?” and S said, “I’m her [indicating Jessica] sister.” Heh.

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