Mar 262010
I’m stealing this from AdoptionTalk!
Whether you’re a new reader, or have been hanging around for a while, tell us about yourself. Where are you? What would you most like to read about here?
I’m such all over the place kind of writer that I’d be interested to hear what interests you here at my blog.
My name is Julia, I currently live in Dallas, and I am mom to two bio kids. We are planning on adopting child #3 so I’ve been doing a bit of reading in the online adoption world to prepare and learn more. That’s what brought me to your blog!
Hi Julia –
Your daughters are adorable! Nice to meet you!
I found you ages and ages ago and probably liked you because you used Moomin icons. I think your writing on adoption helped me grapple with ethical issues involved before seriously considering fostering/adoption for myself, which was a great benefit.
I think that’s how we connected, with the moomins. But I can’t remember how! You seem like such a part of my internet life that it seems weird to me to think that relatively speaking, you haven’t been part of the adoption blogosphere all that long. Although I bet it’s longer than I think!
My blog will be 2 in May, but I’ve been reading you at least intermittently since probably ’05. Wow, I guess that’s a while!
I’ve been reading for probably a year now and comment rarely. I have two children adopted from foster care and am struggling with a difficult non-mandated open adoption. I read to be reminded of the importance of open adoption and to hear how you address adoption related issues with your children and beyond. It was reading this blog (along with a few others) that convinced me to try to maintain a relationship with my daughter’s mother and continuing to read keeps me trying.
Johannah, families like yours who hang in there even under difficult circumstances really inspire me. I think that we have a lot to learn about openness from foster-to-adopt families.
I have been following you for a few months. We adopted our son from foster care. He arrived at 11 months and we finalized when he was two. We have an open adoption contract with his birth mom. We realized early in the process that the obligations in the contract are much too complicated for her to follow (she has significant cognitive delays), so we have made accomodations to make sure that visits and contact are maintained. Your blog helps remind me why open adoption is important and has helped me to be more open to being flexible with his bmom. I also have 16 month old foster child. I would love to adopt her, but don’t currently know whether it will move in that direction. We don’t know whether an open adoption would be considered (by us or them).
In addition to the open adoption inspiration, I love it when you talk wbout different parenting choices and being open to styles and choices that are different from your own. I love your acceptance of others and of your own choices.
Thanks.
Thanks for the kind words, Christine!
Still here! I am now out of school and grappling with the work world in the frozen north, but continue to enjoy reading about your experiences and thoughts.
Are you not blogging anymore? Or did I somehow lose you in my LJ? Ack!
I am still on LJ, but there was some weirdness with a former friend so everything I post these days is friends-locked. Do you have a login over there still?
You know me. But for those who don’t: I’m Jenna. I corrupted Dawn and made her hate adoption. I’m a wife, mom, and first mother. We have an open adoption with my daughter’s mom and stepdad. I am a freelance writer and editor. I also moonlight as a part-time newspaper photographer. I write all over the web because I am addicted to both writing and technology.
I’ve been lurking here off and on since sometime in 2008 I think, when I was starting to give up on infertility treatment and was researching options for adopting instead. We ended up adopting via China’s special needs program, and will probably do the same for #2, but I keep toying with the idea of a domestic open adoption. There’s been so many problems with corruption in international programs, the domestic process is appealing because it seems like I’d have more control over making sure it was done ethically. I’d be interested in hearing if you have any thoughts about/general sense of the current balance of prospective adoptive parents to children being relinquished. With the increasing difficulties of adopting internationally, do you think there’s been a corresponding increase in PAPs pursuing domestic adoptions, and if so has there also been an increase in white parents open to adopting transracially (since many of those that might have adopted internationally would have been adopting non-white children)?
The main thing I’ve struggled with on this adoption journey is balancing my desire to adopt where there’s the need with what physical/emotional challenges I’m comfortable taking on. I’m sure I’m not the only who’s struggled with this and found it challenging to find objective information. I like your blog because you seem to have a good handle on the perspectives of all members of the adoption triad, and what’s both good and bad about adoption.
Kate, my gut (which could be a totally mistaken gut) thinks that most of the China adoption people are now turning to Ethiopia. Personally I find transracial adoption so complicated that I wouldn’t want to try to handle two different cultures (not counting our original family culture) but that’s about my challenges!! I know our agency has been very busy lately although I don’t know if that corresponds to China’s program slowing way down or not.
I’m working on an article on disrupted adoptions and the commonality I keep hearing from the experts is that when parents are pressured into matching with a situation that worries them. So I’d say that part of being a good (prospective) parent to a (prospective) child is recognizing your limits. It’s not easy to confront them but jettison any guilt or obligation you might be feeling. I always think that finding the right way to adopt is about finding the way that seems LESS hard (or more doable). So the way you felt about adopting your first child, maybe look for the situation that makes you feel like THAT. As you keep exploring, I think you will find it. Good luck!!!!
I’ve been hanging around for a long time. I don’t know exactly when I started reading but I think it was in 2003. At first I was there reading a “mama blog” because I was wishing for a child of my own and appreciated smart writing on the topic. I stayed after my daughter was born in 2006 for the parenting, the homeschooling, and the fascinating discussions of adoption. I have learned so much from you about all these things as you navigate them in your own life. Now seven years after starting to read here, I’m facing secondary infertility/recurrent miscarriage, and all the things I’ve learned here are applying to my own life. It’s a little spooky. We’re in the process of sorting out how we feel about adoption and if/how we can pursue it ethically. We’re leaning toward foster/adopt but aren’t sure it’s right to put our bio kid in a situation where she attaches to a sibling or siblings that might not stay. She loves hard. I’m not sure how to wrap my brain and heart around concurrent planning myself. I know it’s right for the child and their family, but I’m not sure I can take another loss. We have a lot of emotional and intellectual work to do in the next few months.
Oh Hillary, my heart goes out to you. If you ever want to “talk” (via email) hit me up, ok?
Boy, I’ve been around for a long time now. I think I read for the authentic voice & contemporaneous story of a life. I’ve never had issues with fertility, haven’t and don’t plan to adopt, don’t home school, and I’m not into extensive therapeutic processing. I’d say we have nothing in common, except where you live (and where I grew up). I keep coming back to read anyway, though. Sometimes I think that’s ’cause the midwest trumps everything else, but I think it’s really just that I like your voice.
I don’t have advice on what to write. I like that the blog is just about your interests, without a theme that requires you to exclude some of who you are, or a thesis that tries to prove a point. I like reading about the kids, and hope N. & M. keep letting you talk about them as they grow older.
I always forget that you’re from around here!
I don’t honestly remember where or precisely when I found you, but I think I’ve been reading your blog for about a year. I’m an adoptive mom in a slowly opening adoption – we have regular Email and snail mail contact with our daughter’s first mom but haven’t seen her face-to-face since Eve was born. What you write about Madison and Pennie and the way you open yourself to their relationship balances all the other messages I get about making sure my daughter knows I’m her “real” mother, and have been instrumental in helping me deeply and truly accept that my child has two mothers, and loves them both. I’ll read whatever you write, about anything, because I love your writing (I even read the PalmPre posts, and I’m a dedicated iPhone user) but that’s the part that speaks to me.
Happy Pesach, Jay!!!
I’ve been reading for a few years now, and keep coming back because I like how you model thoughtful living and parenting. I have a 6mo bio baby (almost exactly the same age as Madison’s baby brother) and I really want to create the kind of nurturing creative space I hear you describing in your family – where children can ask difficult questions and are taken seriously. For many years I have considered adopting and am still considering. It would be transracial – I am South African. I’m very interested in learning more about how ethical adoption works here. In a lot of ways, I think SAn’s are twenty years behind the US in terms of thinking about adoption, transracial adoption, adoption ethics. It scares me that I would participate in creating a baby market, but it’s really hard to find out if there are babies waiting for families or the other way round. I love all your writing, and I really hope you get that counselling degree because you will be awesome at that.
Thanks for your kind words, Hingly! I’d be interested to know more about adoption in South Africa as you learn more.
I have been reading for a while… at least 3 years? I continue to read because we have open adoptions (to different degrees) with both of our daughters.
Plus, I think you’re funny and smart
I think it’s bizarre we still haven’t met. I’m sure we’ve been in the same place at the same time though!
I know. I hope, soon!! IFIF seems our best bet if I can just get myself coordinated
I am still here, and it’s – what – 7 or 8 years now? Now I feel old. LOL
It’s funny – we’re friends – but we have a lot of differences – you adopted, I didn’t, our faiths are different, we live in different countries… but still we’re friends. Our differences don’t seem to matter all that much.
Even though I’m not an adoptive parent I love reading about adoption issues – I firmly believe that adoption issues need to matter to more than just adoptive parents.
I love reading about your faith and family rituals, they’re different from ours but still wonderful and we love learning about other families, other faiths and other rituals.
I love reading about your extended family because it makes my heart swell with pride that I have such a fabulous, mature, kind, generous friend who could navigate the difficulties of open adoption like you do. I don’t think I could do it – and I admire you for your grace and compassion.
You have a great, balanced voice about women’s issues and social issues and I respect how well you research what you write. You are a talented writer and fun to read, even if it’s not a topic I have ties to.
To be honest – I think I have an “old school” blog content preference – I’m just not interested in the give-away/cross promotions/product reviews/conferences type content that’s been so popular in the last few years. I would much rather read less frequent but more meaningful entries that discuss issues and ask for feedback or those that encourage debate on issues. I love it when there is respectful, meaningful, considered discussion and a sense of community, like you have here.
Oh Karen, we are old now. So sad! I so appreciate your voice re., working mothers. It’s something I’ve come to appreciate more and more as time (and my career) goes on!
Hi, I’m Vicki in Kansas City. I’ve been reading your blog for forever and I think your adoption stuff is interesting. I love hearing about homeschooling, especially since we are homeschool dropouts here, and your work stuff fascinates me. I think I’ve found what I want to write about and I’m not really insecure about it anymore.
I still wish that list hadn’t died. It was fun.
I just started reading recently – back around the time of the Momblog award from the Bump, I think! I was intrigued to read about a REALLY open adoption because I work with children being adopted out of foster care. Because these children generally have a bond and really know who their biological parents are before adoption, I’ve always been an advocate for open adoption out of foster care. I was surprised to find out that your adoption was an infant domestic adoption. I stick around because I think your understanding of (and how you deal with) Madison’s process of understanding her adoption is amazing.
You know, I could be delusional. I was reading about how sometimes a child’s attachment to his/her birth parents can be seen as a barrier in bonding by the adoptive parents (this was in a disruption article in the context of foster-to-adopt) and I think I need to consider that when I’m looking at other people’s stories. I wish I knew more about what “attachment to birth parents” looks like and more about the adoptive parents expectations. It would help me understand why some foster-to-adopt parents just can’t go there with openness and also how to balance that with a kid’s need for connection. Adoption gets more complicated the more I learn about it. (sigh)
Hmmm…. I’d love to see that article if you come across it again! I know this is a common belief in some foster/adopt communities – but I believe that the resistance to attach has more to do with how the parents (bio and fost/adopt handle it than just the contact itself. I have known some children for whom having contact with their birth families would cause them to severely act out towards their foster parents. However, there were often other factors that play into those situations – mostly, that there was fear/distrust/animosity between the foster/adoptive and biological parents. In most cases where children start out by pushing away foster/adoptive parents out of loyalty to their birth family – if the birth family indicates that it is alright for them to care about their new family, children have usually been able to attach. (And vice versa, where children act out against new foster parents until the FP makes it clear that they respect the relationship the child has with their birth family.) I haven’t ever had a situation where both sides were committed to openness in which the child hasn’t thrived. But it certainly is trickier for all the parents involved to embrace each other when it truly isn’t something they “chose” for their child.
Thanks for that clarification! The article is a research overview over at the Evan B. Donaldson Institute: http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/publications/2004_disruption_report.html
It’s mostly foster-to-adopt. There’s a huge need for more information about international adoptions as far as I can tell. Very frustrating.
Would you still be available to talk to me? Today or tomorrow? I have all the Passover stuff to get done and an interview tomorrow right before dinner (Madison is gonna love me) so I’m sorta flexible and sorta not. I can ‘fess up to my craziness to a blog friend, right?
Oh! I just saw this comment! Now I am so bummed! I would have loved to still talk to you about disruptions! If you still need it in the future let me know – I’m easy to catch on Twitter or my email!
I started reading your blog when Production, not Reproduction linked to you (around the time of the momblog award, I think). I’ve recently adopted internationally, and am thinking thinking thinking about how the lack of openness that’s pretty much inherent in international adoption affects everything that comes after the paperwork is signed. In the last year or so, I’ve got to admit that my thinking about adoption openness has pretty much turned around 180 – I was really frightened of it, but now I wish that we had it. I would love to read more about how to cultivate an open attitude in an adoption where the birthparents can’t be contacted. Sometimes I fear that, in an international adoption, we substitute ethnic food and clothing for birthparents, and think that we’ve connected our children to their roots. It scares me, a lot, but I’m not really sure how to do it differently.
I’ve learnt so much from reading your blog (and all the others that you link to – I love how generous you are with your linkage). Thanks. I’m in the UK, by the way.
I’ve been following your blog for quite awhile now, since a mention on Stop, Drop, & Blog (I knew Jenna from other corners of the internet). Our lives are completely different – I’m a single twenty-something with no children – and I think that’s a huge part of what draws me to your blog. I love reading blogs about families and kids and all of the stuff I look forward to having someday, and reading about your adoption story is interesting to me as well. It’s something I didn’t know much about previously, although I do have a number of cousins who are adopted, so it’s always interesting to learn more.
Plus, you’re in Ohio, which is where I was born and raised.
I’m a complete lurker who has been reading your blog a long time – pre-Madison. I have 2 bio kids, but struggled with infertility (1 IVF cycle for Older Son, 1 FET for Younger Son – we were VERY lucky). I live in Minneapolis with said boys, a scientist husband, & 2 cats.
Hi. I go by Artemis in the online world. I’m here (and on many other blogs) to learn about adoption and infertility and mothering and parenting… I’m supposedly an academic and I’m thinking of taking my research in this direction (think Association for Research on Mothering type stuff, though ARM recently folded, so waiting to see what its successor will be like if they’ll be as critical and as feminist and as interdisciplinary.)
And I’ve said it before, Dawn, I think you’re amazing. I really admire you and your honesty. You inspire me to brave the truth more than I might have had I not “met” you via your blog.
I don’t think I’ve commented here in a while, but it’s nice to have a reason to say hi. I think I first read you in Brain, Child and then found your blog. I have two daughters, one adopted and one bio, and we have an open adoption, although nowhere near as open as yours (mainly because my daughter’s birth mom is a very private person.) So I appreciate being challenged in my thoughts about adoption, and thinking about the ethics of adoption (I think we had similar qualms about international adoption), and seeing another family with both adopted and bio kids. And you seem like a generally fun person.
I am Rachel, writer of Hounds In The Kitchen, and a fellow Columbus resident. I think I found this blog before I met you in person, perhaps through something about unschooling. I respect and enjoy your writing and wish I had more excuses to hang out with you in real life.
Hey, Dawn! I’ve been reading you for over two years now. I do it to remind myself that there are ways to keep an open attitude even when parenting a child adopted from China, as odd as that may sound. I also read to look for good Sunday Linkage… I mean, all of your stuff is good, but not everything is completely relevant to my blog’s target audience.
I’ve been reading here for a while now. I mainly read blogs to learn as much as I can about adoption while we wait to find out if we’ll be approved or not. I’ve learned so much in the past few years and enjoyed it so much that I think I’m a little addicted. I really appreciate how open and honest you are in your blogging. I’ve learned so much from you.
I started reading maybe 8 months or so before the arrival of Madison. I never had fertility issues, am the bio mother of two, work outside the home as an MD while my kids are being raised by the nanny (gasp
do not plan on home schooling (I’d never have the time) and have no connections to adoption outside of the internets. I read here because life-plans very different from my own interest me, and I enjoy your thoughtful posts, in every sense of that word.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been reading-since before Madison came to your family. I’m guessing someone linked to something of yours. I kept reading for several reasons. I like your writing, for one. I have a sister who gave up a baby, and a good friend who was adopted, so reading about adoption issues here has really allowed me to consider lots of things that effect their lives that might not have been part of my conciousness otherwise. I am in awe of the way you negotiate all of the tricky parts of your relationship with Madison and Pennie and manage to not make it about you.
My name is Brandy and I’ve developed a rather disturbing habit of being late to everything – including this Roll Call. I currently live in the Greater Phoenix area, but I am originally from the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. I was adopted as an infant and I am also a birth mother – both experiences include varying degrees and levels of success/failure in open adoption. I work full time for a small web-based media company that operates family related informational niche websites.
I was ‘introduced’ to your blog by Jenna and that would have been two years ago or so, I’m guessing.
In my spare time I like to sleep – based on the amount of sleep I’ve had recently, I’m guessing my ‘spare time’ to ‘non-spare time’ ratio is out of whack.
I blog some and I don’t really mind writing – although I find it’s harder for me to write on some topics. I hate talking about myself and my experiences (because deep down, I don’t want people to attack me) so I find blogging is sometimes futile.
I love technology. I’m forever grateful to those folks around me who have taken the time to teach me things I would have otherwise never known.
I’ve been married for ten years to a super awesome man. Mom for 15+ years to a super awesome kid with autism.
I love reading about all types of things and I enjoy your blog a ton Dawn
Dawn, I’ve been reading here for about five years. My youngest son is 5 1/2 and I found your blog right around the time he was born.
We have one son adopted internationally from South Africa, and one son adopted domestically. We have an open relationship with my youngest son’s first mom and her family.
Your blog was one of the first things I read that made me feel like we could handle having an open adoption, and we might even enjoy it! The adoption was initially closed, but we contacted his first mom when our son was a few months old and the relationship has become quite open. It’s been truly a great thing for us, our son, and his mom.
So, thanks!!
I can’t recall if I found you before or after we adopted our son, or even how I found you. You’ve been inspirational to me, though. I love to read your thoughts on adoption, especially openness and race. You’ve also introduced me to so many other wonderful blogs! I’m the mother of two boys — the oldest a biokid and the youngest joined our family through domestic transracial adoption.
I’m Denise, hi! I’ve been reading here for I don’t even know how long. I found you through Jenna.
I’m Caryn. I started reading your blog about five years ago and found you through Nicole at Paragraphein. I’m mom to six ages, 14, 6, 4, 3, 2 & 22 mons. The middle four are adopted from foster care. Of those adotions, one is a legally binding open adoption and another is semi-open. I’ve been tempted to email you several times over the past couple of years, but I never quite new how to approach it. I know so much about your life and family, but am a stranger to you. Now that I’ve introduced myself, I’ll be less timid!
I’ve been reading your blog since my just-turned-seven year old son was about five months old although I’ve only commented maybe a handful of times. Way back then I thought I wanted to be a writer and so I started blogging, and I was desperate to find other progressive-minded mothers who were writing thoughtfully about mothering and you fit the bill! Over the years my blog has morphed lots of times as my life changed. These days blogging, which used to be absolutely central to my life, is barely on the periphery, I don’t care so much about reading about mothering (although that’s certainly still of interest), and I’ve mostly culled my blogroll (regardless of what the blogroll posted on my blog claims), but I still read a few of my favorites, yourself included.
I’ll probably keep reading no matter what you write about!
Is it too late to join in? I’m late to everything online these days.
I started reading after Puppy came along but well before Firefly, so it must have been around 2006ish? I remember that you left a comment on a post of mine right after I started blogging in earnest in 2007 and I just about died of the happy. I appreciate that your writing has often encouraged me to stretch bit by bit past my comfort zone boundaries in thinking about and living out open adoption.
I’m late to the roll call party, but I’m here nonetheless. I’m a fairly new reader. We have a bio son, a daughter from Vietnam, and a son through domestic adoption. We are currently working on a birthfamily search for our daughter from Vietnam, and we would love for it to become an open adoption, but so far the serch is not yielding much. We became more open to open adoption after we learned about the corruption in Vietnam adoptions, and specifically in our daughter’s province. We are hoping to find some answers. We recently went from a semi-open adoption to a fully open adoption with our youngest son and we are trying to figure out how to best do that!
you know me. you know i am here. don’t comment often but read religiously and am so glad i got to know you.
Hi, I’m Herbie and I’m a blog reader. (Hi Herbie)
I’m a biology graduate student in Austin TX, no kids yet but planning on adoption after I’m done with this stupid degree.
I like your thoughts on open adoption, and Madison is a rock star!