Here is a fact: If you are a writer, most of your friends/family will not read your stuff. They will if you ask them to (they are good like that) but they won’t if you don’t. I have written a lot (not just this blog) and I’d venture to say that the only non-writer person who I am friends and/or related to who has read most of it (not all) is Brett. And that’s because I make him.
Now writer friends will read you and they will applaud you and encourage you but most people who are not writers will not read what you write.
Here’s a true story about a relative who shall remain nameless. Said relative met another writer and wanted to see what this writer has written so they did a google on that writer’s name. Then they did a google on mine. They reported back to me, “Wow, you’ve written a lot! Even more than [other writer]!”
See, said relative who shall remain nameless was thinking of this new person as a writer since they met said writer in the capacity of Writer but since they met me in the capacity of Relative it never occurred to them that I am also a writer. And in fact am more accomplished than the other writer and (I say, pretending to look modestly down) I’m more talented. Despite the googling, they still seem to persist in seeing my writing as an adorable hobby of mine that I do when I’m not busy scrubbing floors. (This even though they’ve visited my home and know I do not scrub floors.)
I am usually not all that concerned about people who I love and who love me who don’t read me stuff because if I was concerned it’d drive me crazy so I have decided to not be crazy about it but it is kind of lonely. Because my writing is very important to me and I rarely get to talk about it with people who are otherwise very interested in other parts of my life. Again, this makes perfect sense. They are interested in my kids or my for-pay work or in my cooking or in my marriage or in my other friendships because they can relate to these things but if you are not a writer, it’s hard to make much sense of writing. Too, some people hate writing or have bad feelings about writing or are casual writers and so they understand writing in a particular way that makes them think they are understand writing for ME and for other serious writers but this is not true. Impossible to disabuse people of this notion though. That’s just how it is. But it’s a piece missing in a lot of my relationships because here’s this thing that kinda runs my life (because really I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to have more time with my family and more time to write and everything else is detail) but it’s like it happens in a vacuum.
Of course I haven’t written much in the last year because I’ve been busy trying to Make Money. This is depressing. Not just because trying to Make Money can be dreary work but also because I’ve discovered that the friends and family who won’t read the stuff I write for the sake of writing are inordinately interested in how I’m doing at all that money making. Which matters to me (sure) but doesn’t matter to me as much as writing for the sake of writing.
I’m disgruntled lately. I blame it on the wait to hear from grad school.
Ahh well.
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I totally understand. Not that I’m a real published writer like you, but I do have lots of friends and relations who view my blog, classes, and workshops as a hobby not profession. I view it as an occupation and one I’m trying to make money at even though the wages are slim right now.
Blogging makes it hard, too, because people who aren’t writers have blogs and so they think that what blogging is for them is what blogging is for other folks and you know, it isn’t necessarily.
We should make a little blog akin to shape of a mother about the life of an actual writer. What we look like, how our days go, what our office space consists of, how we stare dreamily at our manicured rose gardens as we soul-search for inspiration… (kidding!)
Been missing you online this week (been offline a lot myself). Would you believe after all my PT, I wrenched a nerve in my neck?
Writing… it’s not for sissies!!!
Think I’ll be seeing you Weds?
How in the heck did you hurt yourself again???? Well, at least you were already in PT, right? And ummm, what’s Wednesday? (says Dawn whose mind is GONE)
Muscles that need strengthening are just revealing themselves through this process, I think. Hopefully, I’ll be better than ever asap. Weds=that rescheduled FF thing.
Oh, this feels very familiar! Both the writing and with coaching — even the people who do ask how it’s going kind of shy away and wander off, because it’s not a “real” job, right?
Then again, when I was in graduate school studying rhetoric, my father once told everyone I was learning grammar, so this is an old, old pattern!
Wishing you lots of writing and lots of appreciation!
I have never thought about it before, but even though I have most of it all linked up on my blog, I don’t think I know anyone who has read everything I’ve written. I might force Raf to read it all now! He is very supportive and encouraging of my writing, though it is not money-making, really, but he doesn’t read it all, I don’t think.
For what it’s worth, I bought One Big Happy because you were in it–maybe there are people who read you and are just quiet about it. I like your writing, and will buy the book you’re working on.
That’s awesome, Susie, thanks! My own mom didn’t buy a copy! (I mean, she’s read the essay and stuff so I can sorta see why not. But this comment sounds better if I leave that in so I will.)
I’m done being whiny now. I have two friends who got bad news this weekend that make me look like a big whiny baby so I’m shutting up. My life is good and I need to get over my self-pitying grad-school yearning blog bitching.
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Here’s hoping you get back to being gruntled real soon…
Thank’s for saying this out loud (or something like that). I’ve had a similar nagging feeling for a while but I’ve never taken the time to sort out what it was about; thanks for adding some clarity. You’re great Dawn.
Writing sometimes feels like you are pitching your word down into a well. You know they went down that hole, but you never hear the echo of sound when they hit the water. I often do get feedback from family and friends – when I don’t write. Then, complaints about my lack of material. Yet, I almost never, for the most part, get any comments or emails from them. I know there are readers out there – only by not writing.