First of all, thank you to all of you who offered to donate to a GRE fund. I feel weird about that and so I’ve been avoiding the offers. I’d feel guilty taking money from you all. Brett swears he’s going to be able to swing it — it’s just something knocking around loosely in my brain and there’s so much knocking around loosely up there that sometimes I just want to sit quietly and listen to it all rattle around but life is too busy for that. (I really need life to stand still for just one minute. Just long enough to let my eyes focus!!) But your offers mean A LOT to me — more than you know, really. It’s nice to have people rooting for me (and I hope I don’t let you down — I have stage fright).
I’d been feeling very badly about the state of (my) world a couple of weeks ago but I realize some of it was worrying about Pennie & Roscoe & Madison and now that Roscoe is here and Pennie is thriving and Madison is settling into her new role as big sister, I’m feeling better. (God bless him, Roscoe is a good sleeper so Pennie is getting plenty of rest and really that is half the battle to avoiding PPD.) I feel like we’re easing into things and that we’ll be ok now even though I’m sure that we have more growing to do. Now I know we’re up for it and before I was more scared than I was maybe able to let on to myself. (I was also harboring some scary nerves about Pennie’s mom visiting ‘cuz we hadn’t seen her since Madison was about six weeks old!)
Anyway, without that tension, I’m feeling more calm and while I’m still overwhelmed with the whole grad school application process (like you apply to the grad school and the program and I haven’t figured out the requirements for each and I’m confused about how you get a referral letter to use for more than one program since OSU has the person fill out an actual form, which of COURSE is not an editable-PDF so needs to be freaking SNAIL MAILED and then what if I want to apply to more than one university, is it really reasonable to have someone do this three or four times for me? Like that right there is making my head explode).
Plus I’m kind of in denial about it because I fear failure so much that I can’t even look at the whole thing head-on, which don’t worry — I am used to living in fear and doing things anyway so I WILL DO IT but it’s gnawing at me and I’m worried about it.
BJ/Purpleaster wrote me off-blog to offer help and also to say, “[I] wonder if teaching/tutoring is something you should be thinking about more formally.”
I am thinking about it and it’s part of why I want to get my counseling degree. I really like teaching workshops and I’d like to do more of it and make it part of my regular income. I figure with counseling I can lead workshops and do some on-going teaching as well as one-on-one counseling. I know that I am someone who likes change in my career along with flexibility and I get bored very easily so need to be able to start a whole new thing every now and then. I also know that as introverted as I am, full-time straightforward counseling would be hard (if not impossible) for me to sustain so I need work that will let me pull back when needed. I have this idea that a counseling degree will be enough flexibility that I can work directly with people, lead workshops, continue to do some public speaking and — of course — write. I am less hung up on the specifics of the degree than I am on getting letters after my name in a way that will be interesting and beneficial to me long-term. That’s why OSU is at the top of my list (it’s a better program) but I won’t pine away and die if I end up in one of the other programs around here. It’s all good. It will all eventually get me to the same place. I’d just rather OSU because I think there may be more opportunity there.
My other big concern is how to swing it financially. If I do end up having to work, OSU won’t be a good fit for me because they aren’t all that accommodating to working students. The program is pretty rigid that you start here and end there and you do it on their timetable. Without a fellowship (and I just don’t know if I can get my math scores up), I don’t know how realistic that is.
See how I get all tangled up?
Right now I need to take the GREs (schedule them, really, so I have a study-target). Then send out the referral requests. Then apply to the various schools. Then wait. That’s what I have to do — step-by-step. This sitting around working myself into a panic is a fun and exciting hobby but I think it sucks as a long-term strategy.
Possibly related posts:
I have no doubt that taking it step by step will get you there no problem. If it makes you feel any better, having just gone through our daughter’s college application process, which was pure he**, I think many of the schools just have things way too complicated. It’s insane. But you’ll get there.
It’s got to be incredibly exciting to be looking out at grad school!!
You can do it, I know you can. My recommendation will make you walk on water
Pllus, don’t forget to send me another invoice! That oughta help toward your GRE fund, at least a little?
I know I’m responding to one of the smaller details here, but don’t worry about the multiple-forms thing for your recommenders. Faculty write letters of rec for graduate school all the time, and we know the system–we fill out the forms on the front, write “see attached” in the space for the recommendation and then enclose the letter we printed out and signed. It’s just part of what we do. Provide your recommenders with stamped and addressed envelopes for each of the forms, and fill in the top of the form (or as much as you can of the form–I don’t like having to write the student’s name on the form, esp if there are multiple forms). And give your recommenders your CV/personal statement or something that tells them about your interests and if there’s anything about School A that you’re particularly jazzed about. That will make it easy for the recommenders, and you’ll appear (as you truly are!) considerate.
Dawn $150 is not a lot of money for some people. Please let people help you because you are letting them love you and letting them feel good about themselves too.
You can always agree to pay it back from your first big workshop when you are graduated.
I think you’d be great at workshops and really good at counselling too. There is a need for you to be in that industry, a great need for someone who can be helping rather than hindering.
I know from experience how awfully hard sending out applications is, but I hope you can find the strength within (and without too! Do accept all the help you can get) to get it done and over it right on time.