You all know that I love homeschooling — that it jives with my values and it (so far) meets my kids’ needs. But I’ve been thinking on how much privilege it takes to be a homeschooler and thinking about how I need to acknowledge that. Because we homeschoolers can get a tad self congratulatory around back-to-school time (I always feel like I’m gleefully getting away with something) and this year it’s kinda rubbing me the wrong way even though I am firmly in the homeschooling camp.
Thing is, I started imagining how it would sound if we were doing all of this back-patting about some tony private school. You know, like saying, “I’m sure glad my kid doesn’t have to go to that public school!” And it made our glee sound a tad less gleeful and a touch more, well, gross.
Homeschooling is a sacrifice, no doubt. It (usually) means the loss of someone’s income and even if you’re living very close to the bone — as many homeschoolers do — to be able to kiss one whole income good-bye is a pretty enormous privilege. I mean, even though I’m still earning a full-time paycheck, I could be earning more if I didn’t have the restriction that I need to work from home. (I turned down a job that made twice as much because it would have meant putting the kids in school.) It’s a big sacrifice and we’ll be paying for it into retirement (because we won’t have any). Still, being able to get by anyway speaks to an awful lot of privilege.
It’s not that everyone who could would homeschool if only (it’s way more than budget that plays into it) but figure that if someone is homeschooling instead of working a 40-hour minimum wage job 52 weeks a year, they’re losing $15,000 (and here let us stop and contemplate THAT ridiculousness and wonder why we can’t at least have health care reform but WHATEVER), which is about what some of those fancy-schmancy private schools cost.
Now many homeschoolers disdain private school because we’re all punk rock like that with the homeschooling and the unschooling and the sticking it to the institutional man and stuff but I think we need to recognize that homeschooling is a privilege. Definitely. Any kind of school choice is a privilege. But the financial and time sacrifices to live homeschooling has privilege that runs deep and long, practically and culturally.
I am lucky to do this, I know. I’d do well to remember that. (Especially because right now I’m feeling overwhelmed by my to-do list and the job/homeschool juggling and want to lay myself down and sob softly deep into the night and I need to remember that I chose this, I chose this for many reasons and I am LUCKY to have that choice and to get to exercise it.)
Possibly related posts:
Kristen and I talked about this yesterday and thought twice about posting our not-back-to-school pic because we felt guilty about our friends who are sad because of not homeschooling this year. But then we decided we bitch about the stress of it so often that it’s ok for us to celebrate the good of it. We are unbelievably lucky (I think mostly in our own minds, though, because I agree that most people wouldn’t choose homeschooling). It’s definitely a weird-ass mix of awesome and terrible, so why not give yourself a break and celebrate it when you feel like it? People pat themselves on the back for private schools and public schools all the time and say, “I could never spend all day with my kid,” and all that, but it’s ok because it’s what they believe in. And it’s ok to be happy about living out what you believe in. Celebrate not going back to school this week. You’re worth it. Besides, there will be stress to complain about soon.
(public ‘cuz I wrote off-blog, too about something else related)
We are lucky not just in our own minds ‘cuz we have the opportunity to make the choice. I wrote this after that thing I wrote you about but also inspired by this:
http://momartfully.typepad.com/momartfully/2009/08/single-misconceptions.html
I think we at-home moms and work-at-home moms dominate the conversation, which doesn’t mean we should shut up (obviously — as if I’d ever shut up!) but it has got me thinking lately.
See, I disagree about that. I don’t think sahm or wahm “dominate the conversation” at all. Because the only place you might be seeing them do that is in the Blogoverse, and I’m not sure that’s a representative sample. It’s sure not a public policy issue… if the politicos around here are familiar with any blogs, they aren’t mommy ones. They mostly aren’t even blogs written by women.
My non-homeschooling friends aren’t sad about not homeschooling. My bottle-feeding friends aren’t sad about not breast-feeding. My heterosexual friends aren’t sad about not being gay. Most of the schooling parents I know are BEYOND excited to get their time back. The home-schoolers are busy overcommitting for a new year. People who have choices generally make them, however much they may kvetch.
So don’t worry. You’re still disenfranchised, lol.
This makes a lot of sense. And homeschooling has the double-whammy in the sense that there aren’t even scholarships to apply for, unlike most private schools.
If I had a kid and I could swing it, I’d definitely homeschool, but it would certainly be a privilege in both senses of that word.
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Dawn,
I so agree. To be able to homeschool is a privilege and I feel lucky that I was able to homeschool for as long as my kids wanted to. I feel badly for people with fewer options, which is why I thought it was so important to stand up for charter school funding. Many people who live in bad school districts can’t afford to homeschool, can’t afford to send their kids to private school, and can’t afford to move to a better district. Everyone deserves choices.
I really appreciate this post. I would love love LOVE to be able to homeschool my kids, especially right now when my soon-to-be-first grader is having so very many troubles fitting into the rules and regulations of a traditional classroom, but as a single parent there is just no way. It makes me sad (and angry) every day.
The thing holding me back from doing more than dreaming about homeschooling is fear of social workers and red tape, basically. Well, and that I have absolutely no idea what kind of child we might be parenting and what that child’s needs and best academic situation might be. I just wish homeschooling were more of an option than it is, and yet I also feel kind of bad about saying that as if I could manage it if I just tried harder…. You’re right that this is a messy topic. I’m glad people can talk about it without getting defensive about their own choices.
thanks for this, dawn.
I’m a public school teacher in a high-poverty district and I always find myself feeling very guilty about my repressed anger at homeschooling. (whereas I don’t feel particularly guilty about my anger at private schools. why is that?) I would definitely give up the majority of my income if it meant I could give so much personalized attention to each of my kids’ (by which I mean my students) learning. I’m obviously biased but I can’t think of many people in the country who need it more than they do.
nonetheless I am rationally glad that some families are able to give their children the kind of functional / potentially wonderful / all-encompassing education that I would wish for everyone.
I am also a public school teacher in a “bad district” (though in a fabulous school, if I do say so myself). There are many, many things I would change about public schooling in general, though I am extremely proud of what happens in my classroom and in my school every day. I don’t have any anger toward homeschooling (or private schools, charter schools, etc..) Although… if I could wave a magic wand and pool the resources that flow to those efforts and re-dedicate them to public schools, I absolutely would. I’m a strong believer in public schools precisely because I want people to have choices. We’re a far cry from having real choice, but a public school teacher can dream, can’t she?
I would love to hear more about your reasons for homeschooling, your experiences with it, etc… Keep it coming!
“Although… if I could wave a magic wand and pool the resources that flow to those efforts and re-dedicate them to public schools, I absolutely would.”
Really? How would you go about doing that? I mean, would you just reassign someone’s library card, or would you put the parents in the classroom, or what? The “resources” that go into homeschooling, like the resources in other schooling, come in a lot of guises. In the last week alone, for example, my kids spent 2 days at a national park (with school-type activities designed by the parks system) attended a free professional performance of Henry IV, and participated in a co-op designing some of their group activities for the coming year. The parks and theatre were free and open to all, but there weren’t any school groups there. There wasn’t a person in the co-op, for example, who wouldn’t have been happy to have that conversation in the context of a school environment, but the school environment isn’t open to mixed age groups. So how are you planning to “pool and rededicate” resources the system has already rejected?
Most of the teachers I had in school wouldn’t be able to get a job there, now, and that’s a loss the system created. The prestigious private prep schools hire teachers who wouldn’t be permitted to teach in the public schools. Neither of my husbands, (my late husband, the statistician, and my current husband, the analytical chemist) both college professors at one time, are credentialed to teach a high school subject… except to people who can hire them outside the constraints of the public schools.
The public schools exclude resources … how do you propose to put them back?
” I’m a strong believer in public schools precisely because I want people to have choices. ”
Which choices would those be? Charter schools ARE public schools, so discussion of those are moot. But people who have their kids in private school or home-education environments already pay for the public schools, as well. They don’t get a rebate just because they don’t use the services. Most of the parents I know with kids in public schools pay for education outside that environment, too. YMCA sports? Art lessons? Museum classes? Instrument lessons? Summer nature camp? What are those things except “homeschooling?” How many of these resources could be brought into the public school system, and why would that be a better place for them?
Despite the enormous dedication of teachers, the advocacy of administrators, and the support of the community, school systems continue to fail a sizable percentage of their students, by any measure chosen . I doubt that anyone knows for certain why that is. Pending that information, how would the application of more “resources” help? How would the removal of those resources from other venues be justifiable?
Here’s the wand. Tell me what happens.