Apparently this is my 3540th post. I’ve been blogging a long time.
I wanted to write a little more about my grad school decision, which came about in a very circular, meandering way. I was thinking this weekend about mistakes and how I have to make mistakes if I’m going to do something new and how discouraging this can be sometimes. Because I’ll be looking ahead at a Brand New Plan and realize that I will have to bump into things while I learn my way around. I tell the kids all the time that you’re supposed to make mistakes when you’re learning something because sometimes you have to do things wrong to figure out how to do things right but I understand why they kick their feet and whine about it because I feel like that sometimes, too.
I’ve been thinking about my freelance experience and what I loved about it and what I didn’t like about it. It’s taken awhile to figure out what I didn’t like because I kept thinking about it in terms of how I didn’t do this or that well and should have learned to do it better. But the more I thought on it, the more I realized that if you dread a certain part of your job, it’s hard to do it well. And the networking I had to do, I never could figure out how to make that work for me.
There’s a lot of competition for the kind of work I was doing (the consulting part of it) and I’m not great with competition. When Noah first started softball, I remember that he used to let the ball roll right by him. One time I saw him gesture to his team mate, inviting the kid from the outfield to come and get it. I asked him why later and he said, “Well, he wants it more than I do.” This is how I felt about gunning for work.
Don’t get me wrong — I like to work — but I don’t like pushing people around to try to get to a job first. I was listening to a woman talking to another consultant this weekend at PodCamp. She was saying that she was tired of rival consultants inviting her for a friendly coffee and then trying to pump her for information — the same information she was trying to get paid for, right? People do this all the time and you know I never could figure out how to turn someone trying to swipe info into a sale; I’d end up giving too much away. I’d believe people when they’d say that maybe we could partner around this or that and I’d share all my hard-earned info and then never get a call back. I know it’s stupid to give stuff away for free but I like helping people and I always believed (usually mistakenly) that it would pay out in the long-term.
So that was a mistake. But what I learned from that mistake is that I would rather help people then not.
The other thing I learned is that I’m a good listener. I didn’t know this because I do adore hearing myself talk. But I went to a lot of interviews and meetings and lunches and coffees and it turns out that I really like to listen. Most of the jobs I got? I got them because I would start asking my interviewer questions and I’d end up learning a whole bunch about the company and/or project but also about the person doing the interviewing. I’d find out if they liked their job there and what they liked about it and what they did before and if they liked that, too, and how they felt about Columbus and what their hobbies were, etc. etc. I started to love interviews because they were so dang interesting.
But that was sometimes another mistake because sometimes I did more listening than selling. In interviews this worked for me but in those networking meetings? Not so much. Because we’d walk away from each other and maybe they were thinking what a nice person I was but maybe they didn’t have such a great idea of what I had to offer them professionally.
The other thing is that the whole marketing/PR culture is hard for me. A lot of it is very high energy and enthusiastic and contrary to most people, I find cheerleading disheartening. The work was fun; the getting of the work was NOT fun. So the other thing I learned is like a working world that is a little more low-key. (My current marketing job is very low-key, thank goodness.)
There were things I love Love LOVED about freelancing — mainly being my own boss. I am a stop and start kind of worker who gets hell bent on a project and works my own timeline. I like to work that way. I like to lay low and then tear the place apart finishing out a project. I like to spend my thinking time away from my desk and work way into the night. I can’t do that with a regular job and it makes it all a lot less fun for me.
Other things I loved and would look for me in my perfect career:
- Ability to change things up. I get bored easily so I like to have a lot of different ways to work.
- Chance for public speaking. It turns out that I love to give workshops and teach. I want to do more of that. And I’d like to get paid for it.
- More time with people but less time selling.
- Less time at the computer so that I’m not so burned out by the keyboard that my brain hurts when I try to write. (Please note how this blog has suffered as late.)
So like I said, I’ve been thinking about all of these things. I like my job (love my co-workers) and am learning a lot but I know this isn’t the job where I’m going to get my gold watch. I mean, it’s not where I see myself for the rest of my working life. But where then? What then?
A few weeks ago I was talking to someone about some problems he was having in a relationship and he said, “You know, you should be a therapist.” And I said, “Oh people always tell me that.”
They do always tell me that and they have since forever. I’ve thought about being a therapist, too, and have looked more than once at the MSW program here at Ohio State. Thing is, it’s very much about systems and I’m not all that interested in systems, besides which the internship is prohibitive for someone who needs to make a living. But I have gone back and stared at the web site an awful lot wondering if I could make it work.
So digging around, I found another program for a Masters in Counseling Education. You can either prepare to be a school counselor (not for me) or get a masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. Either way, you come out of there ready to get your LPCC (Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor). The great thing about the program is that it’s designed for working students so I wouldn’t have to quit my job (there are very limited fellowships so I need to have a back-up plan). I’ll be applying for fall 2010 but I have no idea how competitive it is.
I’m excited about this. It feels like a flexible enough career that I could do a lot of different things and that my career could look a lot of different ways as time goes on. (Because I really do get bored easily and like change even when change terrifies me.) I hope to focus on adoption issues and my dream of dreams is to do something like what Joyce Pavao is doing in Boston only on a smaller scale.
The other thing is that spending less time typing typing typing would be so great. I’ve been professionally tied to my computer for about a decade now and I’d like to earn a living OFF of it so that I can go back to using the computer for fun. My wrists would thank me, too. And certainly it would give me more to write about, eh?
Ok, so that’s my grad school decision — born from mistakes and small epiphanies.
Oh and I am on week 6 of Couch to 5K and looking forward to ending intervals this week and moving on to short but continuous runs. Hope to build up my speed!
Possibly related posts:
I am so thrilled for you! The more I hear the better it sounds. You’ll be great – you are a wonderful listener and you make people so comfortable.
can’t wait till I can this is my
REALLY BIG NUMBER
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I often worry that I am not a good listener cause I am so full of crazy questions and get distracted easily.
You have given me hope that a talker can also be a good listener.
Cindy, I think part of being a good listener is asking good questions! Because otherwise, people aren’t always comfortable talking.
As soon as you said this:
» Ability to change things up. I get bored easily so I like to have a lot of different ways to work.
» Chance for public speaking. It turns out that I love to give workshops and teach. I want to do more of that. And I’d like to get paid for it.
» More time with people but less time selling.
» Less time at the computer so that I’m not so burned out by the keyboard that my brain hurts when I try to write. (Please note how this blog has suffered as late.)
…I thought, “mental health.”
This is what my mom did BTW, went back mid-life for her master’s in counseling. She does straight counseling (no workshops or teaching or anything), though.
She was an English major in college and did editing and publications direction for years before the counseling.
She loves what she does now, FWIW. Just remember to go easy on yourself–it’s not the kind of thing you master quickly (if ever). She’s about 7? years into practice now and when we were talking last night she said her confidence level still goes up and down quite a bit because there’s still so much to learn.
She also finds it totally rewarding.
Congrats and good luck to you, Dawn. You’ll have to write about your grad school interview–when I had mine last year (also for a mental health counseling program) the interview was soooo funny, half group-therapy session, half interview.
You’ll do great!
That’s interesting that you and your mom are in the same field. And kinda nifty. I may have to hit you up for more advice, re., the entry process!!!
GOOD. FOR. YOU!!
However, if its anything like my MSW experience, you’ll be on your computer all the time, doing papers, papers, research and more papers.
How long will you be in the program?
Oh yeah, I expect tons of computer time for school but after that!!! It’s a two year program.
I was always intrigued by your freelance posts because I would have been the gives-things-away-free person you’re talking about. I still do this, and I don’t even have a freelance business.
I’m also really glad you posted about your MSW plans. That’s been part of the plan in the back of my head for a while now (I posted about it a few months ago when it suddenly became clear that this was the way to deal with my interests in feminism, ethics, activism, sociology, etc. all at once in a way that will keep me educated without pinning me down in any one area forever) and you spurred me to look at what’s offered in my area in more detail. It looks like I’d do best with a 3-year BSW/MSW program that would leave me fully qualified for the research-oriented PhD program where I’d like to someday finish up.
It’s kind of scary to see a potential future all laid out like that, but I want to get somewhere and at least I can get a start on it in a few years. I’ll definitely be watching your progress closely!
Thorn, this is the program I’m looking at:
http://ehe.osu.edu/paes/counseloreducation/index.cfm
I really really really miss working directly with people; I realize I’m a front-line person. I love the mission of the non-profit I work for now, (which is about strengthening communities economically through downtown revitalization and historic preservation) and I know it does a lot of good. But I really miss working DIRECTLY with people. When we were driving through Appalachia, I was thinking that I wanted to be the person knocking on people’s doors more than the person in an office helping fund programs that let people knock on doors.
I’m excited for you. it sounds like a great plan.
I’m thinking about a similar path for similar reasons so I hope you’ll keep writing about it because it helps me think through some the the issues I need to work through before moving forward. I’m most worried about 2 years of juggling work/parenting and school given that work and parenting are already kicking my butt.
Wow, I think you would be really good at this. It’s what my husband does also. For years he worked with low income families, now he does evaluations on old people who’ve been reported by someone as not doing well. (He says he’s memorizing the answers to the questions he asks, so if he’s ever the old person in question he can pass the evaluation!)He’s good at it and really enjoys it. The downside being that he hears the worst stories, and once someone he cared about committed a horrific homicide. Also, he became opposed to adoption for us, because he saw so many unhappy triad members. (Happy adoptees and parents don’t come to therapy, so he didn’t see them.)
Anyway! If you have questions that I might be able to help with, please ask. I think this sounds like an exciting way to go.
Hey thanks for the offer re., help!
Good luck Dawn. I read the beginning of your post with some trepidation, ’cause I was worried that it was going to lead you to an MFA + teaching (and though I think people should dream, I think that’s a tough road to hoe).
I know nothing about counseling, but, unfortunately, I think the “networking/selling yourself” is a part of most jobs where you don’t work for someone else. That’s a bummer for those of us who really don’t like to network (when it means asking someone for something) and really like giving away our expertise ideas for free (or at least, not trying to extract cost for them).
I don’t mind networking and I love public speaking, which is really a great way to get your word out about your services. But with counseling, I feel like I’m trying to make a human connection but with marketing consulting, it’s about being the Best, Brightest, Most Savvy person in the room. (Have you spent time hanging with marketing people? There’s a lot of extroverted energy!!) It’s the culture of marketing that is hard for me. Making relationships and connections? Easy. Glad-handing with business cards? Hard.
If given a choice between competing and collaborating, it’s a no-brainer, hands-down for me– collaborating wins every time. I’m so NOT competitive, which is one reason teaching is such a good field for me.
Also, I’m not the best high-energy cheerleader either, but am trying to get better about it because younger students need it more than older students, or at least, need it in a different way. But I want to get better at it, because it will help me be a better teacher, and I don’t feel like I’m trying to squeeze myself into a niche where I don’t belong.
I think your thinking sounds very self-aware– congratulations!
That sounds like an excellent plan for you, Dawn. Congrats!
I was struck by your first paragraph, especially “I was thinking this weekend about mistakes and how I have to make mistakes if I’m going to do something new and how discouraging this can be sometimes” because it meshes with something I’ve discovered quite recently. I’m actually doing a counselling-type program (training to be a spiritual care provider, doing an internship in a psychiatric hospital) and my supervisor very often talks about how people and situations are different, and it’s important to “experiment”. I sort of shrugged it off at first, but after a while I realized that she was talking about “experimenting” in situations where I would have previously thought about “trial and error”, and I realized further that “experimenting” felt a lot less yucky than trial and error. Experimenting means the mistakes are part of the process … and I think that’s true.
Just thought I’d offer that way to reframe the problem.
It helped me a lot (I’m now a lot more brave about experimenting, and much more forgiving of myself when it doesn’t go perfectly), maybe it can help someone else!
That is a really good way to re-frame that — thanks! I’d love to hear more about your program if you want to share, too.
That sounds fantastic Dawn, I am sure you will be a born therapist.
Hooray! You will be fantastic. Having just finished a counseling program at Lewis & Clark, I could totally see you in a program like the one you describe. And fitting the learning you are doing in school around an adoption focus is totally possible – I just did it in my program. Wishing you lots of luck and if there’s anything I can do to help, let me know.
Grad school! Grad school! Hooray Grad school!
You know… I had actually READ this post, but at the same time not really paid enough attention… I guess my brain was mushy the day I did it.
anyway, what a GREAT PLAN, my friend!!! I hope you get accepted and that it all works out. I think this is the perfect job for you, really… your empathy is something that we feel simply from interacting with you “virtually.” I’m really glad for you because you made this decision. (I’m not very “inspired” today, I guess it has to do with the crying after reading the other post).
Oh, and while I’m at it, the latest post (on Madison & body image) is GREAT!