Madison will be five in a little more than a week. Top of her birthday wish list? Kit Kittredge and a new bike.
Pennie isn’t going to throw the giant party she’s done the past two years. Pregnancy, a job and full-time school has her exhausted and she needs to save her hard-earned cash for new baby. She feels bad about it but personally? I think giant birthday parties are wasted on the young. Madison will be just as excited to have a do-it-yourself sundae bar like Noah’s and Pennie can still make her famous fruit salad (per Maddie’s request). We’re thinking of having it a park if the weather allows.
I was always worried how I’d handle my strong parenting opinions when it came to Pennie having another kid. I mean, when it comes to birthing and breastfeedng, etc., I used to be able to pass judgment with the best of the judgmental moms. But I guess I’ve mellowed in 12+ years of parenting because now I just want her to be happy and healthy and her baby to be happy and healthy and now I know absolutely that there are a lot of ways for a family to get that way.
Truth is, I only care about Pennie’s choices in that I care that she makes the ones that will best work for her and her baby and I feel pretty fierce about defending her right to make those choices. I haven’t changed my own strong feelings about certain issues but I’ve got a more hands-off attitude since I can see the bigger picture. Besides which, I value MY relationship with Pennie and Madison’s relationship with Pennie (obviously) enough that I don’t want to risk becoming a person she’d want to avoid.
So, you know, she’s asked me some stuff — how we did things with Noah & Madison — and I’ll tell her with the caveat that it worked for us so it worked. And really the best thing she can do is be flexible because what she thinks might be what she wants going on may not end up being what she wants going on. Co-sleeping or not, this sling versus that carrier — so much of it is impossible to decide before the baby arrives and mom (and dad) have dealt with that particular personality.
I’m happy with the way we did things and I wouldn’t change a bit — from nursing Noah for four-and-a-half years to not nursing Madison. They’re good kids, I’m a good mom, Brett’s a fabulous dad and they’re fine. Pennie’s new baby will be fine, too.
(Perhaps I’m writing this to head off anyone trying to give Pennie advice by giving ME advice through the blog, eh? Because I know back in MY day of strongly held parenting opinions I just might have been prone to do that myself. Like say, “Dawn, I totally understand what you’re saying but I think it’s VERY IMPORTANT that you at least give Pennie information about XYZ.” So if you feel drawn to do that? Save your typing fingers. Truly.)
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Does Maddie want the doll or the book? M just read her first Am girl book and she loves it. I haven’t told her about the dolls though.
She wants the doll. And we’re leaning to getting it ‘cuz she’d get the play value out of it, no problem.
The only piece of advice that I really even pass on any more is “Seek out support for making things go the way YOU want them to go.” This means that if you want a natural birth, seek out people who are happy with their natural births. If you want an elective c-section, seek out people happy with their elective c-sections.
That, and a little gem that someone once said: “There are as many ways to parent as their are children. I am my son’s perfect parent.” It made me smile.
Kudos to you for being strong enough to step back and let Pennie have her parenting experience as HER parenting experience.
Sara, that’s great advice, thanks.
I’m there too…I think what did for me was seeing my sister in law parent her child very differently from me (no co sleeping, no sling, etc.) and her child is a bright, balanced, sensitive boy who is a good conversationalist and all around great kid ..so yeah…I’ve been off my high horse for a while now too…which is good since now I can be “present” for those around me who have babies instead of feeling like I have to make them adopt my way of thinking. I still feel the same way but now I think that whatever works works.
I may be in the minority here but I’m not too big on big b-days…we alternate between doing low-key things at home (just us) and then going to a movie or dinner or letting her choose a place and then we take a friend or the grandparents or a big party but the parties are not the “norm” for us…not to say that I’d say “no” if someone volunteers to do it for me kid though but she shouldn’t feel bad because at these ages they’d be just as happy running around w/ friends and eating ice-cream.
It’s so interesting reading about your experience of Pennie’s pregnancy because I’m pregnant myself, and trying to figure out what I want to do as opposed to what other people wanted to do. Good for you letting her have her space.
That’s all fine and well, Dawn.
But you’ve GOT to pass this bit of advice on:
Ignore the advice. Do what works for you.
Worked wonders for us.
we havent done any big birthday parties yet, with an 8 year old, and an 11 year old. kind of funny that the first ‘big’ one for my daughter will be her bat mitzvah.
i totally hear you about the advice – i’m generally pretty laid back about other people’s choices even if i have strong feelings. only dilemmas have been where i think there are some dangerous choices going on – and whether to say anything then. luckily, most have those have not been physical danger – but the emotional/intellectual/attitude stuff is what has been bugging me recently. not sure how or if to approach that.