Comments on: One quick answer to a quick question http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2009/01/08/quick-answer-quick-question/ writing, mothering, writing about mothering Thu, 09 Sep 2010 19:55:58 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Mamab2c http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2009/01/08/quick-answer-quick-question/comment-page-1/#comment-18810 Mamab2c Fri, 09 Jan 2009 14:41:47 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=4421#comment-18810 Well everyone has jobs, some are also in school, there are other relationships and family members that need time devoted to them (eg; great-grandma is ill) and things like planning a wedding etc. Also there are first family dynamics that have to be worked around (like visits with FDad and FMom can't overlap and first dad refuses to combine visits with his parents for reasons he won't discuss)...so we all have to pull out our calendars and see when and where we can get together. Not much different than my family or my in-laws really. Well everyone has jobs, some are also in school, there are other relationships and family members that need time devoted to them (eg; great-grandma is ill) and things like planning a wedding etc.

Also there are first family dynamics that have to be worked around (like visits with FDad and FMom can’t overlap and first dad refuses to combine visits with his parents for reasons he won’t discuss)…so we all have to pull out our calendars and see when and where we can get together.

Not much different than my family or my in-laws really.

]]> By: Dawn http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2009/01/08/quick-answer-quick-question/comment-page-1/#comment-18809 Dawn Fri, 09 Jan 2009 14:22:31 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=4421#comment-18809 <p>Brandi, you make a good point about the "what works for you?" type of thing. I agree that ease probably means more than frequency. It's just having the tension off for visits, I think. </p> <p>(sent via email and posted to the blog)</p> Brandi, you make a good point about the “what works for you?” type of thing. I agree that ease probably means more than frequency. It’s just having the tension off for visits, I think. 

(sent via email and posted to the blog)

]]> By: Mamab2c http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2009/01/08/quick-answer-quick-question/comment-page-1/#comment-18808 Mamab2c Fri, 09 Jan 2009 13:43:59 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=4421#comment-18808 We have fully open in two states (about a 12 hour drive or a 200.00 plane ticket). For us it is no different than our other out of state family and friends, in fact we see some of DS's first family more than DHs parents and one of his sisters as well as my oldest friend in the world. DS's grandparents see DS more than they see their own son, DS's first dad. We have three separate "legs" of first family...with their own internal dynamics that make it somewhat of a challenge...but we work it out. All have visited us several times, some many times, and this last Fall we drove to their state and made three stops in their respective cities to see everyone. We will be going back this summer for his first mom's wedding, but will not be able to visit everyone as it is her special day and she wants her son to participate (maybe ring bearer :)) We just had the first "meet us on vacation" visit with first mom last weekend for DS's 3rd birthday, and it was a blast. We hope to do more of that now that DS is easier to travel with. In short, for us it is about the communication and quality of time spent together, rather than frequency of face to face visits. But it's all spontaneous and "what works for you?" rather than "Our scheduled visitation is in October and we will see you for one hour" or whatever crazy (to me) limits I have heard imposed within some so called open adoptions. We have fully open in two states (about a 12 hour drive or a 200.00 plane ticket). For us it is no different than our other out of state family and friends, in fact we see some of DS’s first family more than DHs parents and one of his sisters as well as my oldest friend in the world. DS’s grandparents see DS more than they see their own son, DS’s first dad.

We have three separate “legs” of first family…with their own internal dynamics that make it somewhat of a challenge…but we work it out. All have visited us several times, some many times, and this last Fall we drove to their state and made three stops in their respective cities to see everyone. We will be going back this summer for his first mom’s wedding, but will not be able to visit everyone as it is her special day and she wants her son to participate (maybe ring bearer :) )

We just had the first “meet us on vacation” visit with first mom last weekend for DS’s 3rd birthday, and it was a blast. We hope to do more of that now that DS is easier to travel with.

In short, for us it is about the communication and quality of time spent together, rather than frequency of face to face visits. But it’s all spontaneous and “what works for you?” rather than “Our scheduled visitation is in October and we will see you for one hour” or whatever crazy (to me) limits I have heard imposed within some so called open adoptions.

]]> By: cindy psbm http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2009/01/08/quick-answer-quick-question/comment-page-1/#comment-18795 cindy psbm Fri, 09 Jan 2009 06:47:50 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=4421#comment-18795 hhmmm.... this gives me the idea that I should have tried harder and kept calling the adoptive mom. Maybe if I was more bold like Pennie then contact with my birthsons adoptive parents would be much better. I wonder if it would be a good idea it I moved closer to the adoptive parents. I live in the same province but not the same city as them. I know I have the right to move anywhere I want. I should just show up in their neighborhood one day, go to their church, maybe even get a job in the same workplace as the adoptive mom(she works in a bank, I could be a teller, its not much different than being a cashier). Maybe that would be too much and they would hate me, still I wonder if I could actually do that...naa, I am too scared to offend them. hhmmm…. this gives me the idea that I should have tried harder and kept calling the adoptive mom. Maybe if I was more bold like Pennie then contact with my birthsons adoptive parents would be much better. I wonder if it would be a good idea it I moved closer to the adoptive parents. I live in the same province but not the same city as them. I know I have the right to move anywhere I want. I should just show up in their neighborhood one day, go to their church, maybe even get a job in the same workplace as the adoptive mom(she works in a bank, I could be a teller, its not much different than being a cashier). Maybe that would be too much and they would hate me, still I wonder if I could actually do that…naa, I am too scared to offend them.

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