Girls Rock
We’re seeing a bunch of movies playing at the Wexner Center family film festival. Four of them we’re seeing as part of an in-school (for us, homeschool) program but tonight Kristen got us member tickets to Girls Rock. It was fab. I cried off and on through it and I’m sending Madison straight to Rock Camp when she’s eight (quick note: Susie Simpson, local camp founder, was also a HighBall Volunteer and works at Stonewall Columbus –obviously she rocks, too).
Besides making me think of my own growing up and my ex-boyfriend who is apparently dating a founding member of Bikini Kill, (which makes me wonder how he’s changed since he was no feminist back when I knew him), and about Madison’s future especially given her small tantrum before we left because none of her dresses have BOWS and she likes her dresses to be FANCY and have BOWS, it also made me think about Noah.
See, it’s not just girls who get screwed by gender roles and even though boys have the power and the privilege, as the mother of a boy I have to worry about the cost for my son who is currently sweet and kind and gentle (like his father). After all, I’ve seen the hits his dad has taken and my own brother and even that jerk of a boyfriend who may or may not be a nice guy now.
I wish there was a camp for boys that would be less about learning to be loud and take up space (since boys don’t need to be told they can do that) and more about having feelings and owning feelings (since that gets kicked right out of them.) Although I think there’s more leeway for boys to be who they are (and not diet, pluck, shape or cinch themselves into something else), I do think they get wedged into other roles that can feel if not as dangerous certainly stultifying.
I feel an urgency for both my kids. This stuff is pretty easy when they’re little but as the teen years loom, I can sense how much trickier it gets to be. But the movie made me feel hopeful. I feel like there’s a lot we can do as parents if we keep our eyes (and our minds) open.
you are an excellent parent for just being concerned about these things now. To be honest I think about these things too. Being a parent must really be hard when it comes to helping children succeed at being successful persons.
[...] he didn’t even have to learn that he rocks. And it’s not fair! But then, Dawn’s Girls Rock post makes a good point about boys and their struggles and whatnot, so I guess I won’t yell at him [...]
I totally get it — it’s hard to be a kind and gentle and sweet boy, one who doesn’t “need to take up space.” in our world too, just as hard as it is to be a girl who is not sweet and gentle, and needs to take up space to be heard and noticed.
Both my kids are the kind who need to be noticed for doing something important (and they are tough judges of what is important). They want to take up space, both the girl, and the very small boy, who doesn’t take up very much space, physically (making for hilarious circumstances when he goes head to head with boys who are used to being deferred to).
But I respect the other kind of kid (and adult). It’s socially acceptable (and one would even say demanded) to be that kind of woman, the one who doesn’t care if the work she does for the world doesn’t get noticed. The same kind of man has their won difficult road. That’s why “feminism” is really about empowering everyone to be who they are, while recognizing that social/cultural demands make that easier for some people than others.
I totally hear you on this. My husband had an episode of PPD after our son was born because it’s really hard to be a little boy, and he had a crisis of confidence about whether we could help him. And our 7 year old girl wants to be a teenager, and wear eyeshadow. She says, “The thinner you are the prettier you are.” And she poses like a model. We counter this stuff as well as we can, without freaking out and scaring her (ideally). She’s an unusual kid, and we keep trying to find things that will play to her strengths and help her feel good about something else besides what she looks like. (She’s going to be very pretty,which I have no personal experience with, and worry that will hinder me in guiding her through it.) Sports didn’t work, because she doesn’t like to be told what to do. Art or music are the next things we’re going to try.