Very tired kid (and mother) over here
We got up at 5:30am to drive Pennie to the airport so we’re all dragging.
Pennie was supposed to come over yesterday but you know how the day before trips get to be — she was running late and called to push the time back. Then she called again to see if she could just see us today since we were driving her to the airport anyway. Mind you Madison woke up at 8:30am yesterday and the first words to spring from her lips were, “Pennie is coming today!!!” And she spent most of the day either in the front yard, on the front porch or looking out the front windows waiting for her.
My deal with Pennie and Madison is that I don’t push one way or the other, you know? I mean, I understand why Pennie wanted to head home and finish packing but I also felt like she was making the decision without all the details so I told her how Madison was waiting and also that Madison had been worried all day about Pennie leaving.
“Will she return to our country?” she kept asking. (She mixes countries up with states.) “Is she coming back?”
I’m not sure why she was worried about this but she was. A whole lot. So I told Pennie that and asked her if she wanted to explain it to Madison (on the phone) or would she rather I do it and Pennie said, “Never mind, I’m turning around on the freeway and I’m coming over.”
She could only stay for about an hour but it was a very happy hour for Madison (and for Noah who’s been dying to show Pennie his breakdancing moves). I was busy down here scanning pics of my wicked childhood and miserable youth to embarass my friends on Facebook (because some of them are in the pics, too) but things sure sounded joyful upstairs.
Pennie also told Madison that we would be picking her back up from the airport and then wrote it on the calendar to show Madison when that would be. And she took some video of her to bring down there to her mom and siblings.
Then Pennie left and Madison’s world caved back in. She was already tired and all her worries about Pennie leaving came back up. She was sobbing through jammies and sobbing through teethbrushing. She cried while she went potty one last time and wailed in Noah’s arms while I wiped down the kitchen and Brett got on my computer to pay some bills.
“Hey guys?” Noah called. “Someone needs to come in here and pretend to be Pennie or something because Madison won’t stop crying.”
So I went in there not to pretend to be Pennie but to offer what comfort I could.
I couldn’t make it all better — Pennie is in Texas even as I type — but Maddie needed some cuddling to fall asleep.
“I have a big family,” she said to me. “Because I have two mommies.” I agreed and told her how Maya and Ginger were annoyed about this just the other day.
“Where are our other mommies?” they asked Abby.
Madison thought this was funny and cuddled up a little closer.
This morning she cried again — just a little bit — on the way back from the airport. And the first thing she told everyone at gym was that Pennie was gone and she was sad about that.
We will all be anxiously awaiting Pennie’s return!
I have a really hard time telling Jamie about things happening in advance because of the crushing disappointment I used to feel every single time my mother didn’t show up for a visit. I’m really glad you gave Pennie the whole picture and she decided to come anyway. A big hug to Madison.
my heart aches at the thought that I could someday be the reason my birthchild cries but I know that its sometimes good for children to know they can cry sometimes. Props to you for being so brave to just be there for her and still look forward to the next time your daughter sees her birthmom.
Tough stuff, but you are good - and so is your son!
I would have a very hard time with all of that. Vintage Girl cried after one visit b/c she thought her birth grandparents were going to take her on a special outing before they left, but the weather had turned and they had a long drive ahead.
The part that broke my heart (still makes me a bit teary) is that she took me into another room to ask me what was happening and cry just with me; I guess she didn’t want them to see.
I assume that Pennie is Madison’s birthmother - or do you say firstmom in your family?
Hi Vintage Mommy! Yes, Pennie is Madison’s birth mom. Her real name is Jessica (so back in the journal I fist use “J” and then “Jessica” after an essay using her name came out) but she uses Pennie. In our family we say birth mom and Madison will introduce her and refer to her to people as “birth mama” and “birth mommy” but she calls her Pennie.