I'm swell but not THAT swell

The comments on my last post made me squirm. See, I think most all of us do the best we can and I often feel like I’m floundering.

I never worry about Madison loving Pennie best. In fact, during one of our conversations yesterday I TOLD her that she can like Pennie best or love Pennie best just like when Noah was little I told him that some days he would love me best and some days he would love Daddy best (and there are days when he loves his grandmother best and not just for the wii). That part of it isn’t hard for me.

What’s hard for me is when to dip into her little head and tell her what I think I see there not knowing if I’m really seeing it or not. I also worry about messing in their relationship too much. So I think, “Should I let them work out all that wrestling?” But if it was Noah and an uncle or a cousin, I’d get involved so I get involved here, too.

The thing I know is that I need to be explicit.

When I was a kid I used to worry because my grandmothers seemed jealous of each other to me. I asked my mom when I was an adult and she said, oh yes they were jealous of each other! And I was picking up on it. It made me tense. Could I mention one in front of the other? I tried to avoid it. I was very worried about hurting anyone’s feelings and it sure didn’t help our relationships.

On the other hand, I also used to worry that my mom would be sad if she knew that sometimes I liked my dad best. Finally, when I was about six, I confessed this to her in a fit of guilt.

“That’s ok,” she said. “You can love him best.”

Sweet relief! The heavy burden of guilt lifted!

I revisited this with my mom, too. Why didn’t it bother her? “Because I knew you loved me,” she answered. “I knew that you loved me enough to take loving me for granted.”

Smart mom, eh? And it was true, too, that my love for her ran (and runs) deep enough that it goes without saying.

I trust my kids’ love for me. I don’t need to compete with their other parent(s) because there’s enough of their love to go around. Plus I have a good role model.

Oh and Madison lost her first tooth! She lost it last night during dinner. She said, “There’s something hard in my burrito!” And I said, “Throw it away.” Then ten minutes later Noah said, “Your tooth!” So Brett had to dig around in the garbage to find it.

Madison called every single person she knew to tell them and then showed the space off to every single person she met today. (She said, “You ask them, Mommy. Ask them do they want to see my tooth!” So I did. Everyone said yes.)

She got a dollar from us and a dollar from her brother. She was afraid of the tooth fairy so we gave up the ghost. I asked her, “Do you think it’s real or pretend?” And she said, “Betend.” I said, “You’re right!” I told her it’s a game we play.

Noah woke up before she did and came into sneak a second dollar under her pillow (his own money!) and then cuddled next to her waiting for her to wake up and find it.

He’s a nice big brother.