Six Degrees in Columbus
Interracial Families in Friendship (IFIF) is a group of mostly white parents who have adopted kids of color, usually African American kids. It’s open to anyone who wants to come and we went before Madison showed up and found everyone lovely and welcoming and nice but somehow we never went back. Part of it was the way meetings would sneak up on me and part of it was that Saturdays are so often busy anyway so I lurked on the email list, commenting every now and then and promised myself that we’d get back eventually.
Well, today was that day and we had a grand time. My friend Terreece got me an assignment with Columbus Parent for their annual National Adoption Month issue and so I needed to try to interview folks. I decided to hit up the good folks at IFIF at their August meeting at the bunny park out near Dublin and then my editor asked if I could get pics so I got Kristen to go along with me and Abby came to keep an eye on Madison (Brett had stuff to do). I didn’t end up getting any interviews (I’m going to try email later) but I met some fun people.
But this is why I’m really writing this entry: I want to show you what a small town Columbus really is.
1. I met this one mom, Marie, and as we talked she realized she already knew Madison. We figured out that one of her kids was in the same lacrosse camp Noah was in and that her daughters played with Madison while they all waited for their big siblings to be done with camp. Brett was the one who took the kids so that’s why it took her a minute to figure it out.
2. Turns out she knows one of the other moms whose son was also in the camp and is a good friend of ours. Marie (or Ann, her parter, I can’t remember) said, “I volunteer at Girl Scout camp with her” and I said, “We watch her son for the week she volunteers.”
3. Then we figured out that Marie and Ann bought this house that Kristen tried to buy a few years ago. When Kristen and her husband went to put a bid on it, it was already in contract much to her sorrow (don’t worry — she got a very nice house, too). So the two of them chatted about the house and what Ann and Marie have done to it since and they invited Kristen over to see it.
4. We also talked about where their kids go to school and one of them was in the same class as one of Noah’s best friends. Noah’s best friend’s mother? She and good friend mentioned in #2 were college roommates. They lost touch but Columbus is a small town — mutual friends brought them back together again. (That’s confusing, right? I’ll explain it again. Mom that Marie volunteers with at Girl Scout Camp is G. Marie’s daughter is in a class with J’s son. J and G were college roommates.)
5. Wait. There’s more. So then Ann is talking about her oldest son and where he’s worked and where he works now. He works with Lisa the Waitress. Abby got her kitten from Lisa the Waitress. And the mom’s son goes to school with Pennie but we haven’t figured out if they know each other yet. (It’s a small program so they might.)
We found this many common friends/acquaintances without much effort. Imagine what we could do if we really tried!!
This happens with Pennie, too. Like Pennie’s Nate’s band used to play at Ruby Tuesdays. My good friend’s ex-husband does the sound there (or did — I don’t know if he does now). Before Pennie ever met my good friend, she knew her ex and used to hang out with him while she waited for Nate’s set to be over. When Pennie met my good friend, they talked about the ex.
I love this about Columbus. Sometimes it can be weird and sometimes it can be awkward but usually it’s fine and funny. Like the time I sat next to my friend Lis (the one with the ex-husband who does sound) at LLL and she said, “Hey, are you related to Justin Friedman?” and I said, “Yeah, he’s my brother.” Or how the little kid Justin used to run around with when HE was a little kid is now the homeschool gym instructor and lacrosse camp leader. The lacrosse camp that led to meeting this new family that I then met at IFIF.
And I think about this a lot in relation to our open adoption; Pennie and I would have brushed up against each other even if the adoption would have been closed. Would we have ever figured it out? (I sometimes think yes because Madison looks so much like Pennie and sometimes think no because we wouldn’t be looking. In any case, I’m glad it’s not something I really have to think about.)
Columbus isn’t so small (it’s the largest city in Ohio and two years ago was ranked the 16th largest city in the country although I have a hard time buying that) but if you’re of a certain age or have kids of a certain age and have lived here for more than five years, you can usually find some friendship in common. The more I get out, the more I’m reminded of this and it always makes me laugh.
That’s what my life is like in East Coast Big City. When I’m out and about with this friend of mine who I’m often out and about with, she just rolls her eyes when I have a connection to basically everyone we meet. I wonder if it’s about living where you grew up, or running in certain circles (i.e. perhaps people who might choose to adopt interracially would have a certain set of values which would match certain neighborhoods), or being someone who is out and about (though you’re an introvert and I’m not so much, so that could be even more complicated)…probably all three… (what’s with all the commenting?!)