A conversation
[Backstory: Madison is trying to get me to hurry up and make chocolate chip cookies. Her tone definitely started out wheedling.]
Madison: Oh you are such a nice mommy! I love you! I love you better than Pennie!
Me: I know you love me and that makes me happy. But love isn’t a contest — you don’t have to love me best or love Pennie best. You can love us both differently. Sometimes me more and sometimes her more. You can love differently.
Madison: I love other people.
Me: Yes.
Madison: I love Daddy. And Noah. But who I really love is my Cousin Violet.
Me: Yes, you love Violet. That’s nice.
Madison: And I love my Cousin Lucia.
Me: You love both your cousins. Sometimes you love Cousin Violet best and sometimes you love Cousin Lucia best but you love them both and you love them both differently.
Madison: And I love Pennie.
Me: Yes, you love both your mommies. Sometimes you love me best and sometimes you love Pennie best but you love us both.
Madison: I love all my cousins and I love all my mommies.
Me: Yup, that’s how love is.
[For the record, I made the cookies after dinner and so her little ploy didn't work but it led to this nice conversation.]
i’m really impressed with the straightforwardness of your responses, and also your ability to transcribe them so well! its like right out of “how to talk so kids will listen…”
so i’m watching and learning… and so glad madison is one year ahead of wendell. this is working out very well for me indeed!
Cynthia, I’m only slightly kidding when I say that book is my bible. I started reading it at the shelter so in — what — 1995? And it seriously changed my life. Also paraphrasing stuff that people say to me buys me time to think of what I’m going to say next!!!
Paraphrasing is the BEST! I used to teach this when I was teaching interpersonal comm at the college - and I used to make my students role play and practice. They felt SO dumb at first, but I said, try it in real life and you’ll see!
Darned if they didn’t come back with stories of better convos with their parents, significant others, other teachers - GREAT tool! People feel REALLY good when they know you’re listening! Now if I could only get my sister to do this so she wouldn’t drive me crazy with her never listening to what I say!!!!