Missing people
Last night I had a dream that I met Madison’s first dad only he was someone other than who he really is. And I was so relieved that I finally met him and that I could see where Madison got this and that and in my dream he was kind and loving and open to being a part of our family. I had Madison on my hip (she was just a baby) and I was talking to him and looking at her and he was surprised because we had all thought this other man was her father (the one who is in real life) and it turned out to be so much easier. We were all surprised.
When I woke up I had that in-between feeling that I could somehow make my dream true if I just held onto it hard enough but then my eyes opened and I knew it wasn’t like that at all.
I don’t give these particular details on the blog so the most I’ll say is that I’m sad for everyone around Madison’s first dad. I’m sad for Madison and for Pennie and for him because he doesn’t know what he’s missing. And I’m sad for me a little, too, (selfish as that is) because I want to know him or at least see him. As Madison gets older and her face changes, I can see this whole other family in there and I feel so frustrated. But the situation is what it is and I just hope that at some point we can have some contact.
And now I’m off to stalk him on the internet — I’m eternally looking to see if he has a myspace or some such account but so far no luck.
Hello there! I’m also a freelance writer, and was referred to your site by Jessica of Boomerific (I’m her babysitter). Anywho, I just thought it was finally time to say hi after lurking for months. Love the blog! =)
I really sympathize because we were so close to being where you are with this. Even though we almost never hear from w’s birthfather, we are in touch with his mom and half sister (its always the women, huh?) and also we MET him, which is so huge. Just knowing what he looks like and how he hold himself gives me so much peace of mind. I hope these connections can be made for you all sometime.
I didn’t meet my bio-father until I was 18 so I sort of understand where you’re coming from. When I finally saw him, I was so relieved to know where I got some of my facial features from. Also, my sense of humor and bits of my personality. I didn’t even know I wanted to know all that stuff until I actually knew it. Make sense?
I had an idea of what to write here but then it went somewhere else. I really just wanted to say that I empathize.