How Madison plays
Jun 17, 2008 Parenting
Madison plays with things weirdly. She takes things apart and uses them upside down. She uses half of something and leaves the other half alone. She takes dry things into water and finds ways to use water things on dry land. She unstrings necklaces. She uses hats as baby carriers. She puts a puzzle together once then uses the pieces as money for another game.
This is a far cry from Noah. With Noah we used to have to hide the boxes his toys came in because he’d take one look at the kid playing on the front and tell us that this was the only way to play it. The boat had to hook up to the car because, see? That’s how the picture did it. But Madison is always willing to find a brand new way to make her play fun.
I love this creativity in her. At least now I do. I had to practice not correcting her or bugging her to let me show her the “right” way to do something. I worried about missing pieces and the way her toys get put away in a system that only makes sense to her. But see, I believe that toys are all about playing, right? So who am I to say how she should play? If she’d rather use her puzzle pieces as coins when she goes “shopping” then what do I care if she’s not putting them away in the box and instead sticking them in her cash register? Isn’t that where puzzle pieces ought to go if they’re being used as coins?
The only place I set limits is that books are books. We don’t draw in them or use them as building blocks or rip out the pages. Fortunately Madison has never had to be told this past her babyhood because she has as much respect for her books as I do. But everything else is fair game. This means that she makes some of her things — like a particular doll now sporting ballpoint pen decoration — prettier with stickers and markers. It means that her memory card game became crackers that she served to me for tea.
Letting go of my kids’ play has been a lesson I’ve had to learn more than once. From Noah’s first gun to our dismantled preschool games courtesy of Madison, I’ve had to remind myself that play is children’s work and that my kids deserve the same respect for their work that I want for my own.
June 17th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
hear, hear, Dawn. I’ve had to learn this lesson, too, to let Curious Girl pick up what she wants to and use it however suits her fantasies. My girl is way more into working everyday objects into fantasy relational play than she is into figuring out how things are “supposed” to work. I love the way Madison’s imagination directs her around the world–she’ll never be bored!
June 17th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Dawn, I love this post, and what it says about not setting limits within your child’s play (even while you set the necessary boundaries for them).
Acorn (same age as Madison) is likewise delightfully nonconformist with his toys. He does do a lot of figuring out How Things Work, but once that’s done, it’s like he rotates it in his mind a few times to decide how else a toy can be used. Almost anything can become cargo for a train (recent choices include styrofoam packing peanuts, marbles, and pieces from a game); and blocks might be buildings, mosaics, train tracks, or trains themselves.
June 18th, 2008 at 6:46 am
Really great post- as was the post about Noah from 2002! I really got a lot out of reading that. with Wendell at 3, we’re not quite there yet, but i can see it coming..
June 18th, 2008 at 7:08 am
Jamie was a little like Noah when he was younger, and still gets anxious about doing new things “right.” But yeah, I’ve had to pull back from being too bossy about Jamie’s play. I’ve also realized that he is more willing to try something if I’m not standing right there. If I’m around, he’ll make me do the puzzle, but if I leave the room and come back ten minutes later it’s done without my help. We’ve been moving a lot more toys up to his room and lately he goes in there and shuts the door and does his own thing for ages. It’s a neat development.
June 18th, 2008 at 7:09 am
Oh, update on our gun situation - we got squirt guns, he played with them for two days and now has no interest. Typical!
June 18th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
love this post since my kids are like this too - we have a whole bookcase full of ‘junk’ outside for making things out of and using as toys. my daughter recently make herself a dollhouse out of old boxes, other throwaway stuff, and magazine clippings (i know the crafty stuff is slightly different, but it shows a willingness to look at things in different ways, i think)
and - thanks for linking to the gun post. i think my feelings are even more complicated, living where i do; extremely difficult to have a gentle boy in this ‘macho’ society. (i could write much more about this)
June 19th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
hey, isnt that the wonderful amazing grace?
i love that character.