this woman’s work

Back in the saddle

Jun 13, 2008 Friends

I’m back on-site today. Usually I don’t go in this much but there’s a serious push to finish the project and I am nothing if not a pleasure to work with — flexible, reasonable and cheerful about putting on work clothes to come in and do another bang-up job for my clients. (Note to possible future employers.)

Last night was our regular Thursday get-together only it was at my house and I was severely lacking forks. This woke me in the middle of the night when I went, “Oh god, why did I not find a way to get more forks?” But these people — they have all of these kids and I forget that kids need forks, too.

Turns out we women-folk all have the same mothers so we discussed that and traded mom stories. Abby has the best perspective and I’ve decided to defer to her in all things boundary related. She says she’s just had the most therapy but I don’t know; I’ve had a lot of therapy, too, and I’m not as smart as she is. And I have some years on her so you’d think I’d be more together by now.

There’s something else I’m trying to work on now, which is divorcing my actions from the hoped-for results. In other words, I’m trying to do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do instead of because I’m hoping it will make this other thing happen. It sounds so simple but I catch myself always thinking, “How can I put this in a way that will make them want to help? If I share it now instead of later, will it make them do it the way I want them to?”

Next up: Ceasing to hold people responsible for not being psychic and not acting the way I expected/hoped for/wanted. I feel like it’s awfully easy for me to store up a lot of little hurts over unintentional lapses. (And I sure hope that the forkless few at the gathering last night will be able to extend the same courtesy to me. Sorry, Joe, with the wee crab fork that I didn’t even know was a crab fork but thought it was just a fork that Madison decided would be hers because it’s baby-sized!)

I was avoiding a situation for a long time because I wanted a good outcome but avoiding was making things worse. Turns out that even when I made myself take action that the outcome wasn’t so good but at least it was — I think — what it had to be. I don’t know. But I’m trying to let go of any residual hurt and see the situation for what it is instead of what I wanted it to be.

Ahh well.

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