My kid ain’t second best either
May 28, 2008 Adoption
Neither of ‘em. Because I’m apparently psychic, I wrote about this a couple of weeks ago for my WorkItMom.com post (because I’m a contributor there along with fabulous Roni): Changing Expectations
There’s so much to blog about like the MEPA report and the “birth mom and baby drain” allegedly happening in Ohio (the article is so offensive on oh so many levels). I want to write about those two things from our agency experience but I’m slammed with work so I can’t just yet. Plus a friend wants me to blog something adoption/choice related and again, the time or lack thereof prevents me.
Soon! Soon!
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Tags: adoption ethics, adoption reform, MEPA, multi-ethnic placement act, multiethnic placement act, transcultural adoption, transracial adoption
More chatting with Madison
May 27, 2008 Adoption
The hospital in which Madison was born plays a big part in the story of her birth and adoption. She likes to hear about me rushing down the halls to get to the maternity ward — to get to her. This is her favorite part of the story and the piece she asks for most often. I’ve told her that someday we will go back and visit there so she can see where she was born.
Yesterday we were driving to an event and I told her we were going to pass the hospital. She craned her neck to see it but it was outside Noah’s window (so called even when Noah isn’t occupying the seat next to it, which he wasn’t) and we were on the freeway going fast. I told her we’d see it again going home.
This time she caught sight of it because she could see the big lit-up letters spelling out its name.
“Oh!” she breathed. “There it is!”
She really wants to go back and see it.
“To see the babies,” she says. “But I won’t turn INTO a baby again, right, Mommy? Because I’m a big girl now.”
I think going back there is something we need to do soon. That way I can show her the door I came in and the halls I rushed down. We can get french fries at the Wendy’s where I took Noah the day he met her. Hopefully we can peek at the babies and maybe — just maybe — I can get a kind-hearted nurse who will let her see one of the rooms so she can picture where she lived her first three days.
She has taken to heart our previous conversation about staying with Pennie. Maybe passing the hospital put it at the forefront of her mind because she brought it up after while we were tooling around looking for a bank machine to pay for parking.
“Mommy, Pennie should babysit me and Noah while you go to a meeting,” she told me.
“Or maybe Daddy and I could go have coffee while Pennie babysits for you guys,” I suggested.
“If you bring me a danish. No, two danish. No, three danish!”
Then she was quiet for a bit.
“At our house, not Pennie’s,” she added. “And with Noah.”
So those are the terms. That seems doable. I told her she can call Pennie and let her know she’d like to have her come over and babysit. Noah will be happy to set himself up with a video game and ignore them both so Pennie will still get alone time with Madison and Madison will get alone time with her.
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Tags: adoption stories, adoptive parents, adoptive-parenting, birth stories, ctts, Madison
It’s been a crazy day
May 27, 2008 Writing
I haven’t had time to update and don’t really have time to now. The holiday threw me off and then Brett just left for work so my childcare disappeared. We’re thinking this job of his isn’t likely to last long — not with my schedule heating up. I think he’s ok with this although frankly, as much as I have on my to-do list, I can’t worry too much about it if he’s not. (Alas, poor Brett!)
Allyo thought maybe my mysterious phone call was basically like someone emailing me instead of leaving a blog comment and she was right. The woman tracked me down just to chat about my Salon essay. She has several personal connections to adoption and just wanted to chat with me about them. It got me more than a little behind on my schedule but I’m not great about getting off the phone when work is calling, you know?
In any case, lots to do and the incredibly disappearing childcare means that I have no time to blog. Such is life. One must accept one’s limits! (I’m pontificating to try to convince myself because the truth is I’m pretty grouchy about it.)
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New tough question over at Open Adoption Support
May 26, 2008 Adoption
I’m hoping that those of you with foster-to-adopt experience can weigh in. Of course the situation is different than for a child placed at birth and this mom is trying very, very hard to do the right thing long-term for her son with very little support.
My son calls us both mommy. Am I doing right by him?
Possibly related posts
Tags: adoptive parents, adoptive-parenting, foster adoption, foster care, foster-to-adopt, open adoption, open adoption support, openadoptionsupport.com
Chat with Madison today
May 25, 2008 Adoption, Parenting
Madison: [singing] Beautiful beautiful Pennie! Beautiful beautiful Pennie! Pennie has dark skin! She is dark brown like dark chocolate! [now to me and no longer singing] Mommy, don’t you think Pennie has brown skin like dark chocolate?
Me: Like delicious dark chocolate?
Madison: Yes!
Me: Yes, she has skin like delicious dark chocolate!
Madison: Yes! We will eat her up! Mommy, did you know people call brown skin Black? They say Black people.
Me: Yes, which is funny because it’s not black skin, it’s brown skin but people say “Black” like they say “White” to mean people with pale skin.
Madison: Pennie’s skin is darker than mine. I have brown skin, too.
Me. Yes, she has skin like dark chocolate and I always thought that your skin is like Mexican chocolate. Mexican chocolate has cinnamon in it!
Madison: Cinnamon!!! [Madison loves cinnamon.]
Me: Your rosy cheeks make me think of warm cinnamon.
Madison: Rosy cheeks? I have pink in my skin?
Me: Yes, you have brown skin with pink rosiness.
Madison: I have brown skin like Pennie but I have pink in my skin like you.
Me: You are a rosy, brown-skinned girl.
Madison: [singing and now standing on her plastic picnic table] So you wanna be a rock star! Yeah! Mommy, listen, this is the ROCK STAR song and it is really good!!
