I tag YOU
Kateri got tagged to list three things she does well as a mom. No hemming and hawing, no excuses or defensive explanations. I tag myself and I tag any of y’all who want to play, too:
1. I listen to my kids and I take them seriously. I’m interested in what they have to say even when it’s hard to hear.
2. I don’t try to talk them out of their feelings. Being someone enamored with my own feelings and anxious to share every little one with long-suffering Brett, I figure my kids have a right to theirs.
3. And I talk to ‘em. Noah and I watched our favorite songs on Rent last night (Tivo, who knows my every want and wish, recorded it off F/X) and talked about why the kids — most of ‘em — are choosing to be poor and why the homeless people were mad at Mark and why everyone gave Angel a standing ovation in the stage version I saw and the kinds of exciting/scary/interesting choices Noah will face as he gets older — see more below. I talk to my kids before they ask the way I wanted grown-ups to talk to me. And then — I take them seriously and I don’t try to talk them out of their feelings when they talk back.
I do a lot (oh lord, a lot) of things wrong but those are three things I know I do right. (And I’m hoping those three things give them the strength of mind to recognize that the wrong stuff is about ME and not about THEM and that they will have the fortitude to tell me because they will trust that I will listen.)
More on what Noah and I discussed: Specifically we talked about how most of the characters — Mimi being an exception and maybe Angel because I don’t remember Angel’s past coming up as a topic — have educations and job skills that they’re choosing not to use because they want to live authentically and creatively. And we talked about what that means and how part of growing up is finding the balance of living authentically/creatively and responsibly and that the right answer is different for everyone. Certainly this is a something we live with day-to-day in this family with our wacky writing and freelancing and homeschooling and thrift shopping.
And we talked about the homeless woman who confronts Mark for filming her and then hits him up for a dollar and who likely feels frustrated by Mark’s good intentions that do nothing to impact her immediate life.
And how Angel is someone who loves herself although she is outside of cultural gender norms and how she celebrates who she is and how much this meant to people in the audience who have struggled to love who they are and also how she brings everyone together in the show and can of course how she can play a mean pickle tub.
And we talked about how Noah is on the edge of adolescence and how his interest in friends more than family is appropriate and something that Brett and I enjoy seeing in him. And how we might struggle — even argue — as he explores what his own values will be and that trying on values that don’t reflect the family’s is part of growing up so that even when we fight we both need to remember that we love and trust each other and most of all that he knows that WE know that he is meant to find his own way so we won’t see his choices as disloyalty (Lord grant me the serenity to accept this especially if he becomes a Jew for Jesus or something equally insane and difficult).
It was a good discussion and I sent him off to bed feeling cozy and loved and secure in himself. That’s what inspired the three “what I do right” things above.
Susie and I also love RENT. We bought it recently after having abused our library privleges by checking it out, renewing it, and re-checking it out for months on end. There are certain scenes we view over and over. I love “I’ll Cover You” and “Take Me or Leave Me.” Those two songs heard in succession can restore my good mood any time.
Oh, what a wonderful wonderful post. I loved Kateri’s a lot (and I’d seen it earlier). I think I may want to play, but it’s very hard not to keep thinking of the bad things, especially reading *your* good things. It’s a really good exercise, that’s for sure, and I should try it.
[...] Dawn tagged everybody with this meme about 3 things we do well as mothers, and then she verbally assaulted me at the park yesterday and threatened my life if I didn’t do it. (Not really, she just asked me to do it and so I am. Because she’s the boss of me. But you can totally see her verbally assaulting me, right?) [...]
[...] Everyone in BlogLand is writing about the three things they are proud of regarding their mothering. And I’ve been mulling it over. I talk about the struggles I have as a mother here, there and just about everywhere. BigBrother won’t nap. He has regressed in various ways in this potty training/learning experience. LittleBrother can’t decide if naps are for good or evil. Sometimes I’m the Screamy Mommy. And I haven’t showered yet this morning… and I don’t know if I have plans to do so. [...]
You do take your kids seriously and you are really good at speaking with them and helping them find the words or names to the feelings they are having. I notice that!!