Comments on: My antiracist parent post this month http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2008/05/10/my-antiracist-parent-post-this-month/ writing, mothering, writing about mothering Thu, 21 Aug 2008 21:30:30 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: spyderkl http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2008/05/10/my-antiracist-parent-post-this-month/#comment-14743 spyderkl Sun, 11 May 2008 19:12:38 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=3322#comment-14743 Terrific article - even though it's taken me two days to be able to comment. :D As for adoption fees - our family doesn't really talk about finances. Any of us. So, even though we've saved all the paperwork around Lena's adoption, it might not come up. Or it might. I do know that as a white couple, transracial adoptions were unavailable to us through our agency. They just don't do that at all. My sister, who had twins via IVF, did ask how much we paid. When we told her, she shrugged and said, "Yeah, that's how much hospital expenses are." I do know their IF experience cost them a hell of a lot more financially. I have no idea whether or not she and the girls' dad will talk to them about that at all. Terrific article - even though it’s taken me two days to be able to comment. :D

As for adoption fees - our family doesn’t really talk about finances. Any of us. So, even though we’ve saved all the paperwork around Lena’s adoption, it might not come up. Or it might. I do know that as a white couple, transracial adoptions were unavailable to us through our agency. They just don’t do that at all.

My sister, who had twins via IVF, did ask how much we paid. When we told her, she shrugged and said, “Yeah, that’s how much hospital expenses are.” I do know their IF experience cost them a hell of a lot more financially. I have no idea whether or not she and the girls’ dad will talk to them about that at all.

]]> By: Robyn http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2008/05/10/my-antiracist-parent-post-this-month/#comment-14724 Robyn Sun, 11 May 2008 06:49:02 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=3322#comment-14724 "There is so much I would have done differently but had I done it differently, Madison wouldn’t be here." Amen to that. I wonder if this is a common feeling in adoption. Our facilitator didn't charge differently based on race. I too think that adoption fees are high, and should be scaled based on income more than on anything else. How do you feel about charging less to adopt real "special needs" kids, such as those with Down Syndrome? My first thought is that it frees up money to spend on the needs the child will have. Racist fee structure or no, I don't think the fee is really that important. The money that one pays is just one aspect of adoption. I can just see Jack going to someone at an adoption camp and saying, "My mom paid INSANE AMOUNT to adopt me, how much did yours pay?" So, I'm not planning on talking about the monetary aspect until I think Jack's ready to handle sensitive information. I also believe that society is changing. So-called "minorities" aren't, and old school views will die. Maybe it's just because I live in such a diverse area, but we don't get the looks and questions, and no one has ever been rude to us. I'm researching all I can to make sure that Jack has a positive self-image. It just seems to me that, by the time our grandchildren get here, some of the "isms" will no longer be the issues that they sometimes are today. “There is so much I would have done differently but had I done it differently, Madison wouldn’t be here.”
Amen to that. I wonder if this is a common feeling in adoption.
Our facilitator didn’t charge differently based on race. I too think that adoption fees are high, and should be scaled based on income more than on anything else. How do you feel about charging less to adopt real “special needs” kids, such as those with Down Syndrome? My first thought is that it frees up money to spend on the needs the child will have.
Racist fee structure or no, I don’t think the fee is really that important. The money that one pays is just one aspect of adoption. I can just see Jack going to someone at an adoption camp and saying, “My mom paid INSANE AMOUNT to adopt me, how much did yours pay?” So, I’m not planning on talking about the monetary aspect until I think Jack’s ready to handle sensitive information.
I also believe that society is changing. So-called “minorities” aren’t, and old school views will die. Maybe it’s just because I live in such a diverse area, but we don’t get the looks and questions, and no one has ever been rude to us. I’m researching all I can to make sure that Jack has a positive self-image. It just seems to me that, by the time our grandchildren get here, some of the “isms” will no longer be the issues that they sometimes are today.

]]> By: Dawn http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2008/05/10/my-antiracist-parent-post-this-month/#comment-14707 Dawn Sat, 10 May 2008 23:20:36 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=3322#comment-14707 <p>@Margie:</p> Margie, it's moms like you who have walked this road already that are such a big help to me now! Which reminds me that I want to thank you for your very thoughtful, kind and loving comments on Open Adoption Support. I really appreciate your presence here and at OAS and on the many other blogs I read. Thanks!!! @Margie:

Margie, it’s moms like you who have walked this road already that are such a big help to me now! Which reminds me that I want to thank you for your very thoughtful, kind and loving comments on Open Adoption Support. I really appreciate your presence here and at OAS and on the many other blogs I read. Thanks!!!

]]> By: Margie http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2008/05/10/my-antiracist-parent-post-this-month/#comment-14706 Margie Sat, 10 May 2008 22:36:03 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=3322#comment-14706 No question - and pretty much every adoptee I've heard talk about it opposes adoption fees period. How to achieve that is a whole other discussion, but the point is that the concept of "paying" anything to adopt is abhorrent to most adoptees I know. M and I experienced an incident in a local restaurant long ago that triggered a conversation about this subject. The memory of that gives me an idea, which is that you might want to have a simple discussion with Madison at some point about the logistical process of adoption, and include the discussion of fees there. That might even give you an opportunity to weave in the issue of race-differentiated fees. No question - and pretty much every adoptee I’ve heard talk about it opposes adoption fees period. How to achieve that is a whole other discussion, but the point is that the concept of “paying” anything to adopt is abhorrent to most adoptees I know.

M and I experienced an incident in a local restaurant long ago that triggered a conversation about this subject. The memory of that gives me an idea, which is that you might want to have a simple discussion with Madison at some point about the logistical process of adoption, and include the discussion of fees there. That might even give you an opportunity to weave in the issue of race-differentiated fees.

]]> By: Dawn http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2008/05/10/my-antiracist-parent-post-this-month/#comment-14705 Dawn Sat, 10 May 2008 21:52:06 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=3322#comment-14705 <p>@Margie:</p> This is a good point, Margie, re., the paperwork and how that can have different meaning in different adoptions. I honestly don't know how/when/in what context it'll come up with Madison. It might be she catches something on a commercial for some 20/20 type program (didn't they cover Canadians adopting African American kids? one of those news shows did). I imagine that even realizing that adoption costs money is something that must hit many adoptees at some point -- even if they knew it to *know* it must be a heavy issue. @Margie:

This is a good point, Margie, re., the paperwork and how that can have different meaning in different adoptions. I honestly don’t know how/when/in what context it’ll come up with Madison. It might be she catches something on a commercial for some 20/20 type program (didn’t they cover Canadians adopting African American kids? one of those news shows did).

I imagine that even realizing that adoption costs money is something that must hit many adoptees at some point — even if they knew it to *know* it must be a heavy issue.

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