This is my third blog attempt this morning
I kept trying to write about something that will not be written about. Rats. (I wanted to write about someone else and couldn’t find a way to do it and still protect that person’s privacy. Double rats.)
We’re all confused over here at my house. We’re all walking into walls. Figuratively for the grown-ups, literally for the kids. For example, Noah was the only one to remember that he has religious school today. And an ice cream social! You can imagine the horror if he hadn’t remembered in time to get there.
Yup, things are crazy over here. Going on-site this week will either make things much better (at least for me) or twice as nutty. I’m certainly curious to see how it goes. (There’s no wifi there so blogging will be sporadic.)
I’m getting itchy writing fingers and my white board is filling up with ideas. I always have service ideas although (as longtime readers know) I have no great love of service magazines. I was staring at two of these ideas thinking about how much I didn’t want to query them because I would have to go look at the magazines to craft the queries and how much I don’t want to have to look through the magazines when it occurred to me I could write ‘em as essays. And then I was horrified because at least two of them are more than I want to share. (I know! Me! Reaching a limit on sharing in public!) Then I free wrote a third idea because Brett found it the most intriguing. I hit a wall but later that day while doing laundry I realized that I hit that wall because I started off lying to myself at the start of the piece. I mean, I look at what I wrote and say, “Oh Dawn! You protest too much!” My naked denial lay there all accusing me. Damn denial.
I’m thinking about denial a whole lot these days and having these denial-colored glasses on mean I’m seeing it everywhere. Nothing good ever comes of it. Then I listened to The Ghost of Bobby Dunbar, which seemed right in line with the Barbara Tann story. Those are big, hairy cases of denial but I’m thinking about small-scale denial, too, particularly in the unbloggable situation where I’m watching someone stomp all over their relationships in the effort to keep face.
I feel unreasonably angry about that, which is why I was trying to blog it. There is nothing to do with my anger but stomach it until it fades away because it’s not me that’s hurting (I’m collateral damage). I mean, I’m hurt but it’s like holding a grudge aginast the sun because you got a sunburn when you’re the one who didn’t have the sense to go get under some shade. That’s what the sun does so you take it in small doses. Likewise people in denial can’t help but lie by omission even when you want them to be honest.
There. I think the only people who will know what I’m talking about will be the two people I bitched to about it. Mission accomplished.
yup. i’m not one of those two people and i have no clue what you are talking about
(though i’m intrigued by the denial part)
I know someone who is stomping on their relationships to save face as well. It is easy to see and difficult to watch. I am not a fan of denial either.