Office switch-around
Apr 27, 2008 The Story of My Life
I got Brett to help me turn my desk so that the kids can’t creep up on me anymore and scare the bejesus out of me. It’s better feng shui now, too; one should never have one’s back to the door. Then I got out all of my aggression by shredding old documents. That can get addictive. I could very easily go crazy and shred some important stuff in all the excitement.
I don’t start my on-site project for another week but next week is already getting crammed full of meetings. I’m already nostalgic for my dreary (but newly reorganized) home office when I think about actually going ON SITE where people have real jobs and actual time sheets! That should be an adventure. It looks like the project may take a couple of weeks so we’ll see how that impacts my blogging life. Especially if it becomes a regular thing. (My budget hopes it does but my being? She is neutral.)
Brett and I had a rip-roaring fight the other day about nothing to do with each other and everything to do with the still missing check (although it’s been sighted by the accounting department and we hear that it will arrive … soon). He was so mad that he very wisely went running and I was so mad that I plotted all kinds of ways to take revenge on him, which I told him all about when we made up that night. My revenge fantasies are pretty lame. Like throwing out all of the carpet that we both hate but that I hate more. Or taking the nice pillow. Or taking up smoking because I know that would make him crazy. And then I told him I’d always smoke outside the window of whatever room he was in.
Told you they were lame revenge fantasies.
See, the problem is? Even when I hate Brett and wish he’d run away from home for real? I also know that I still rather like him.
Noah and I watched A Room with a View on PBS (he missed the bloody death scene) and he was intrigued by the romance. Why did she like the one guy but not the other? Why was on worth marrying and one not? (Yes, we talked about the gay subtext and we talked about heterosexism a little bit and pronatalism and how silly all that is.) Anyway, I told him that best case scenario is that you LOVE someone and you also LIKE them and you think they’re pretty cute. See, I always think that Brett is pretty cute. Even when I want to kill him.
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Tags: arguments, couplehood, domestic disputes, fights, marriage, Noah, partnership
If you don’t see it, maybe you’re missing it
Apr 26, 2008 Adoption, Race, Uncategorized
Obviously I’ve been thinking about Madison’s ballet class a whole lot. It looks like we’d need to sign her up for a private class unless we wait until fall because spring session is over and there isn’t much going on (that I’ve found so far) for summer. But I think we’ll head to the other rec centers to find her some summer activities. Sign ups aren’t going on yet but there are two close by rec centers that look like they might have some options and then Kristen is saying the one by Pennie might be good. Frankly private dance classes are outside our budget at the moment.
We live in a neighborhood that is somewhat racially mixed. Not on the level of my sister’s, which is probably half African-American and half white & Hispanic. But it’s not black enough. I don’t want Madison to be “the other black kid” in the class. My mom was saying (after this incident) that maybe Madison needs to go to school then but not this school district. Going in and seeing the classes made me realize that. The numbers on paper look a lot more encouraging than they are. I’m kicking myself for not moving to Erica’s neighborhood only we wanted Noah to be able to ride his bike to the library and swimming pool, etc. and he couldn’t have done that there. I know it was the right decision for Noah but maybe it wasn’t the right decision for Madison. Although it looks like the middle school has more black kids than the elementary school. (The middle school is also in this quadrant and when we go to the library we sometimes see the gym classes in the field nearby.)
But I’m willing to drive and heck, even gas prices hit five dollars a gallon, Erica’s neighborhood is an easy bike ride away. Ok, except for the one hill but that’s because I’m terribly out of shape these days. (sigh) It’s not impossible. And maybe we will move one of these days. Who can tell? Just because the housing market is tanked now and just because we’re too broke to think about taking on moving expenses doesn’t mean it’ll be that way forever, right?
Madison is feeling better now, I think, because she’s putting her feelings on the class and not on herself. I was talking to Brett about what I’ve found in the way of classes for her and Noah was sitting at the kitchen table and asked what was going on and I filled him in (he was at a friend’s house after class and missed the discussion). Madison, wandering by on her way to the bathroom, said, “Oh yeah, it’s all white kids there, Noah.” And she shook her head, meaningfully.
It’s important to me that she hears us talking about this and problem-solving and she hears her brother offering his support and understanding and that she hears us talking to her directly AND indirectly, you know? That she knows that we as a family are taking this on and that it matters to all of us that she feel comfortable and supported.
Every now and then I hear from other transracially adopting parents that their kids don’t have any problems. I heard this from a parent whose raising a black daughter in this community. Or just from plain old adoptive parents. They say, “Oh my kid never thinks about his/her adoption; s/he is totally fine with it.”
I just don’t buy it. But the other thing about it is this idea that to be “totally fine” means to be totally not talking about it or not thinking about it. To my mind it’s “totally fine” to be struggling. It’s “totally fine” to wonder and ask questions and to not always feel “totally fine”.
Madison skinned her knee the other day and she wailed the wail of boo-boo ridden preschoolers everywhere when she said, “But why do scrape have to hurt?” And I told her that the pain is there to tell us to pay attention. I said, “If your scrapes didn’t hurt we wouldn’t know that we needed to wash it out and get a band-aid. I’m glad that boo-boos hurt; that means they’re doing their job! But it’s still no fun to have one.”
Same goes with the rest of life’s boo-boos, right?
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Tags: Adoption, adoptive-parenting, Erica, Madison, my mom, Noah, preschool, Race, transracial adoption
My thanks to you all
Apr 25, 2008 mp3
Oh my blog is a precious thing to me! No matter what’s up, I can find someone who will console me or reprimand me or remind me of what’s really important. You buck me up, cheer me up, set me back up on my feet and send me on my way. Thank you. I’m feeling much less miserable and much more inspired today.
And so my gift to you, dear internets, is a muxtape. It’s like a mixtape only the magic of the world wide web makes it easier to share. You can find my muxtape here. And if there’s a song you dearly love, let me know and I’ll hook you right up. (I made the tape because I personally can’t stop replaying “To the Country” — first song on my mix, I mean mux.)
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Tags: Anna Ternheim, BAT FOR LASHES, Before We Begin, Bikeride, Broadcast, China Girl (Bowie), Good Morning Melody, Halou, Hurts To Purr, Josh Rouse & Paz Suay, Kings Of Convenience, Know How (featuring Feist), Landmines, Laura Veirs - To The Country, Lullatone, Matinee, mixtape, Moonracing, Mosquitos, muxtape, One, St. Vincent, The Ocean Always Wins, Tubefed, What's A Girl To Do?
More things that make me cry
Apr 24, 2008 Adoption
Many birthmothers historically have had little to no agency in the outcome of their pregnancies. The very notion that my aunts freely chose legal anonymity in the 1980’s is fairly ludicrous. Closed adoption was the only option- legally, socially and certainly within the context of my large Catholic family. Women like my aunts were rarely given the opportunity to acknowledge their pregnancies let alone acknowledge the impact of adoption on their lives.
Almost two decades after my aunts placed my cousins for adoption, I too faced the same social stigma as a young, pregnant teen, and I continue to shoulder the difficult stigma of birth-motherhood.
This is part of the testimony of an amazing woman who I have been fortunate enough to know. Please please go read the rest at Marley’s blog.
It’s been a rough emotional day for a lot of reasons but it’s good to know that there are so many amazing people on the planet and that I get to number some of them (all of you) as ones who make my small life better.
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Emergency Action Alert!
Apr 24, 2008 Adoption
Ohio Legislative Alert
Action Needed! Please forward this post widely!!
Bill Hearing Wednesday April 30, 2008 - Columbus Ohio
Up until last week, Ohio House Bill 7 contained language that would allow Ohio adult adoptees access to their original birth certificate upon their request. This is something that Adoption Network Cleveland and others across the state have been working on diligently over the last 20 years. Last week, that language was stripped from the bill.
The legislators are very concerned about birthparent privacy. They are assuming that if a birthparent placed a child in a closed record adoption (the only option available at that time) between 1964 and 1996, that allowing the adult adoptee access to their original birth certificate is an affront to the birthparent’s privacy.
They need to hear directly from birthparents whose children were adopted in Ohio between January of 1964 and September of 1996 to gain an accurate view of what birthparents want. Adult adoptees or adoptive parents in reunion with, or professionals who have worked with, birthparents from that era are also needed.
Please attend the next hearing on House Bill 7 and testify - have your voice heard! The hearing will be at the Ohio Statehouse at 4 pm Wednesday April 30, 2008 - room 017. Advocates will meet outside of the hearing room starting at 3 pm. If you can come to the hearing and would like to testify (or discuss testifying), please contact Betsie Norris at Adoption Network Cleveland betsie.norris@adoptionnetwork.org and H.B. 7 sponsor Tom Brinkman’s legislative aide Kara Joseph at Kara.Joseph@ohr.state.oh.us.
To sign up for email legislative alerts, go to http://www.adoptionnetwork.org/content.asp?pageid=274 and fill out the form on the right hand side of the page.
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Tags: adoption reform, ohio HB 7, open records