Comments on: Adoption in the Tipping Point http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2008/04/23/adoption-in-the-tipping-point/ writing, mothering, writing about mothering Sun, 07 Sep 2008 04:57:22 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: Poor_Statue http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2008/04/23/adoption-in-the-tipping-point/#comment-8684 Poor_Statue Sun, 27 Apr 2008 11:16:08 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=2069#comment-8684 When, I was getting ready to place, one of the benefits of open adoption I heard was that families would be more closely matched in temperament and interests. I agree with that. I also loved both of Malcom Gladwell's books but preferred The Tipping Point. When, I was getting ready to place, one of the benefits of open adoption I heard was that families would be more closely matched in temperament and interests. I agree with that. I also loved both of Malcom Gladwell’s books but preferred The Tipping Point.

]]> By: cynthia http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2008/04/23/adoption-in-the-tipping-point/#comment-8601 cynthia Thu, 24 Apr 2008 22:57:05 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=2069#comment-8601 your post was the tipping point in getting me to finally read this book. hee hee. i agree of course about how significant genetics are in determining who we are. but/and i have always thought that this is an area that (good) adoptive parents have a head start in. getting that our kids may be really different from us, that is. how many kids being raised in their biological families are damaged by expectations of them purely based on genetics? perhaps i am utterly naive (and i'm sure that i am, my son is only 3), but i think that being a good parent is being aware of who your child is- who they REALLY are- and that takes A LOT of continual paying attention, whether they are biologically related to you or not. that said, i am not dimishing the pain of an adoptee who stands out like a black sheep in his adoptive family- i just don't think this experience is unique to being adopted. your post was the tipping point in getting me to finally read this book. hee hee.
i agree of course about how significant genetics are in determining who we are. but/and i have always thought that this is an area that (good) adoptive parents have a head start in. getting that our kids may be really different from us, that is. how many kids being raised in their biological families are damaged by expectations of them purely based on genetics? perhaps i am utterly naive (and i’m sure that i am, my son is only 3), but i think that being a good parent is being aware of who your child is- who they REALLY are- and that takes A LOT of continual paying attention, whether they are biologically related to you or not.
that said, i am not dimishing the pain of an adoptee who stands out like a black sheep in his adoptive family- i just don’t think this experience is unique to being adopted.

]]> By: Renee http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2008/04/23/adoption-in-the-tipping-point/#comment-8590 Renee Thu, 24 Apr 2008 19:19:32 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=2069#comment-8590 I'm the first Renee, and I just wanted to say that I did not post the second comment from Renee. That's not me, and don't want you to think that I think adoptive families give their children more opportunities than their biological parents would. If my daughter's birth parents had chosen to parent her, they would have done a fine job. I do agree that you should love your child no matter who they are, which goes for both adoptive and bio parents. I’m the first Renee, and I just wanted to say that I did not post the second comment from Renee. That’s not me, and don’t want you to think that I think adoptive families give their children more opportunities than their biological parents would. If my daughter’s birth parents had chosen to parent her, they would have done a fine job. I do agree that you should love your child no matter who they are, which goes for both adoptive and bio parents.

]]> By: Renee http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2008/04/23/adoption-in-the-tipping-point/#comment-8583 Renee Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:31:56 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=2069#comment-8583 This just drives home how important it is to embrace and love your child, no matter who they are. To be a good parent, you don't have to be like your child. It's easy to nurture a child's wants and dreams without necessarily relating to them. Adopted children often are able to have more doors open to them than they would in their biological families (I know that won't be a popular view, but in many cases, it's true, even if it's not PC). This just drives home how important it is to embrace and love your child, no matter who they are. To be a good parent, you don’t have to be like your child. It’s easy to nurture a child’s wants and dreams without necessarily relating to them. Adopted children often are able to have more doors open to them than they would in their biological families (I know that won’t be a popular view, but in many cases, it’s true, even if it’s not PC).

]]> By: spyderkl http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2008/04/23/adoption-in-the-tipping-point/#comment-8582 spyderkl Thu, 24 Apr 2008 15:50:22 +0000 http://www.thiswomanswork.com/?p=2069#comment-8582 That's a lot to think about - I agree! In our case, the similarities between our family and Alena's other/birth family are more apparent now than they first were. And odd things, too - things you wouldn't think of putting in a questionnaire, like M's and my shared love of Tim Burton, or the fact that M's dad's family were rockhounds (like my parents). Our interests in music and travel...it's just weird. But back when we all first met, we had no idea we had so much in common. Do I think that peers have a big influence, sometimes more than parents? You bet. Not just in adoptive families, either. It keeps me awake at night sometimes. That’s a lot to think about - I agree! In our case, the similarities between our family and Alena’s other/birth family are more apparent now than they first were. And odd things, too - things you wouldn’t think of putting in a questionnaire, like M’s and my shared love of Tim Burton, or the fact that M’s dad’s family were rockhounds (like my parents). Our interests in music and travel…it’s just weird. But back when we all first met, we had no idea we had so much in common.

Do I think that peers have a big influence, sometimes more than parents? You bet. Not just in adoptive families, either. It keeps me awake at night sometimes.

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